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This one has been around a while....but its funny none the less......

August 31

Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in

Newman, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live!

Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from

a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my

new home. I love it here.

September 13

Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in

air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see

the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper.

September 30th

Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and

rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it


October 10th

The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to

this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off

a bit. Acclimatising is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th

Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my

body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect

the ol' sun in a climate like this.

October 20th

Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work

this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car

now smells like Whiskettes and cat :ilikeit:. I've learned my lesson though: no

more pets in this heat.

October 25

This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant f---in' blow dryer. And

it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from Perth.

October 30th

The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the

f---in' aircon.

Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Bloody $800,000

house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4

Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature

down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30.

Stupid repairman.

November 8

If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?', I'm going to

f---in' throttle him. F---in' heat! By the time I get to work, the car's

radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell

like baked cat!

November 9

Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black

leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my arse was on fire.

I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and my

arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!

November 10

Weather report! It might as well be a f---in' recording. Hot and sunny.

Hot and sunny, Hot and f---in' sunny! It's been too hot to do anything

for two f---in' months and the weatherman says it might really warm up

next week.....Doesn't it ever rain in this damn bastard place. Water restrictions will

be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the

f---in' pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the bastard flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of them bastards!

November 20th

Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 f---in' degrees today. Now the air

conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot

enough for you today?' My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment

to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid bastard.

F---in' Newman! What kind of sick, demented idiot would want to

live here!

December 1

WHAT!!!! ??? The first day of Summer!!!! You are f---in' kidding!

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Funny, Funny.

I have read a similar one about a Saffer in Canada and the cold and snow. This is the first time I have read this one.

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Describes Phoenix AZ to a T as well!

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I have never been so hot in all my life - and I believe I am now going to freeze come winter.

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