georgie 1 Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. Sheasked, 'What's on TV?'I said, 'Dust.'And then the fight started...******************************************My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we werein bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?""No," she answered.I then said, "Is that your final answer?"She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."And then the fight started....******************************************Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbedthe dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up tothe truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. Thewind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on theradio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back intobed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husbandis out fishing in that?"And that's how the fight started...******************************************I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the roadand slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimesyou just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"And then the fight started..... *****************************************My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3seconds.'I bought her a scale.And then the fight started...******************************************When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplaceexpensive...so, I took her to a gas station.And then the fight started...******************************************After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for SocialSecurity. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's licenseto verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left mywallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would haveto go home and come back later.The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing mycurly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proofenough for me' and she processed my Social Security applicationWhen I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at theSocial Security office.She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gottendisability, too.'And then the fight started...******************************************My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and Ikept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at anearby table.My wife asked, 'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took todrinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear shehasn't been sober since.''My Goodness!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go oncelebrating that long?'And then the fight started...******************************************I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took myorder first."I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""Nah, she can order for herself."And then the fight started...******************************************A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feelhorrible; I look old, fat and ugly.I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'And then the fight started..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pingz Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 BRILLIANT!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miran Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 You beat me to it. I read this on the SA to USA forum, couldn't wait to post it. Just didn't have time. It's soooooooooooo funny!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nes Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 Great one. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyC Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 Good one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eva Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zorba Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 Just love it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MANDYL Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 LOL !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyn Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 Needed a chuckle today - enjoyed those - thanx ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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