going back?

[lyall]

With the recent discussions in mind, I was wondering if there was any one among us who has gone back or who knows of someone who has gone back quite recently?

I would be interested to know what changes they had noticed and how easy it was to get back into the job market? Finding a place to stay that was affordable, and the petrol price???

Thinking of the effects of the economic crunch..my husbands old company has apparantly got rid of all its contractors..we are talking a multi million rand company here, and a lot of the casual labour...several of their branches have been closed, and most of the remaining staff are on short time..(okay, so it is in the steel industry, and we all know how that has been affected).

My daughter that lives in Amanzimtoti says that with the laying off of staff from one of the major motor car plants in the area, the crime level has shot up, and most people are too scared to go into the CBD alone now, even during the day.

Some one said in a previous thread that the choice of stress is up to us...I think I would prefer to have the stress of living in a country that is more economically sound, and where no one goes to bed hungry at night, every one has a roof over their heads, and every child has the right to an education and medical treatment.

Sadly, this is what we fought for, and lost, in South Africa.

I know it has been said that we shouldnt compare coming to Australia as heaven, but I cant help it, I think I am in heaven living here.

[Mara]

Well said Lyall, I have lived in NZ and Australia for 15 years now, almost not a day goes by that I do not give thanks that we had the opportunity to move here....has life been tough sometimes...you betcha.....are we better off here....absolutely!

[Lyn]

Interesting question Lyall. No takers yet though.

[Eva]

Somehow I doubt anyone who has gone back is still hanging out on this forum...

[MichaelvdBerg]

Well, I know that I have mentioned that I am taking strain over here and honestly don't think I will be around forever. As mentioned that most people over here come for the safety etc etc but I don't have that as my priority as I don't have my own family.

So far it has been great but I am struggling with the idea of building a family at this age so far away from those most important to me. I doubt that it would be easier to emigrate for real when I have my own family and when safety is an issue but for now, I see myself as a long-term tourist...nothing over here has gripped me so much that I want to make the 'final' decision on where i want to be for the rest of my life...

If/When I go back, I won't be shy to say that I am because I wouldn't consider it failure..instead, my whole experience here has been really great, especially for my career. Soon I will have PR and can come and go as I please.

People constantly tell me that the poo is going to hit the proverbial fan in SA but even if it does...I cannot live in luxury all safe and sound with myself as the yearning of my loved ones will drive me insane...

For the next couple of years, I will make the world my little village but SA might still remain the centre...until my priorities change, then I will review it.

Edited January 12, 2009 by MichaelvdBerg

[Cindylou]

For the next couple of years, I will make the world my little village but SA might still remain the centre...until my priorities change, then I will review it.

I really like this sentiment and congratulate you on the way you're dealing with your dilemma, Michael.

[SuzSF]

I moved to Australia in April 2008 looking for greener pastures. I was 24 and keen to live in a country everyone described as wonderful, free and safe. I went over on a 457 visa and lived in North Queensland.

At first, I thoroughly enjoyed it but slowly I started getting homesick. As I was warned about this and knew it was a natural emotion I ignored it and carried on. It was lovely in Australia, it is a stunning country and I travelled it extensively so got to know the other cities and saw most of what Australia had to offer. I enjoyed going for jogs at 8pm while it was dark and driving at night without worrying about anything. I made friends, but no "real" friends. Work was good and I lived in a very nice unit. Everything was in my favour. I battled a little bit with the system and procedures in Australia but it is something that I was just not use to, so that would have got better.

But, slowly small things started to show that Australia was just another country. It had pros but it also had cons. I started thinking of South Africa - we have pros and cons too. Australia is beautiful, safe and has a lot of opportunity - but it doesn't have my dear friends I have had since school, my family that I am very close with. South Africa is also beautiful but dangerous and we are ridden with crime. In Australia they have petty crime, my car was vandalised a few times, money was stolen out of my purse at work - yes I know this is petty crime, but crime nonetheless. There were also incidences of the city I stayed in where someone was stabbed on the beach, cars were stolen and people mugged - didn't it start like this in South Africa too...?

And I agree with Michael, relationships here are difficult. There is a distinct culture clash. I went out on quite a few dates and found that every difference between us was seen as "South African" thing and most of the time negatively.

My employer thought he was doing me such a big favour because as he put it he was "saving" yet another South African.

Eventually I decided that I love South Africa, what is the point of being homesick, battling with the system and missing loved ones when I could just move back to South Africa, be extra careful but be happy.

At the end of December I made the move back. I start work this week and I am enjoying every minute, it is the best decision I have made. I do miss Australia because it is a lovely country, but my circumstances were different as I was young and went across by myself. You can take the girl out of South Africa but you can never take south Africa out of the girl. Even one day if I had become an Australian citizen, would I ever truly be Australian?

[Jill]

Thanks for sharing that with us, I agree 100% with what you said, if Australia isn't for you then there is nothing wrong with that.

Good luck with your job, and your new life back in South AFrica.

bye for now Jill

[AndreaL]

Hi SuzSF

What an honest, intelligent post.

Part of me wants to say to you and Michael and Stix, " Give it some more time" or " It takes at least two years to settle" but know that whilst that may be true for so many of us sometimes you have to just realise that it ( Australia) is not for you.

It seems you have made a huge effort and I can't see why you should have to be unhappy, so good luck to you back in RSA.

Perhaps those of us who come over with a partner have it a little easier as we have someone who understands the difficulties by our side through the good and the bad.

I hope you find that someone special wherever you decide to live.

Best Regards

AndreL

[Eva]

Thanks for sharing your experiences SuzSF....

I think its great for people to hear.

And all the best in South Africa, hope you are happy here.

[Julian (Jules)]

I moved to Australia in April 2008 looking for greener pastures. I was 24 and keen to live in a country everyone described as wonderful, free and safe. I went over on a 457 visa and lived in North Queensland.

At first, I thoroughly enjoyed it but slowly I started getting homesick. As I was warned about this and knew it was a natural emotion I ignored it and carried on. It was lovely in Australia, it is a stunning country and I travelled it extensively so got to know the other cities and saw most of what Australia had to offer. I enjoyed going for jogs at 8pm while it was dark and driving at night without worrying about anything. I made friends, but no "real" friends. Work was good and I lived in a very nice unit. Everything was in my favour. I battled a little bit with the system and procedures in Australia but it is something that I was just not use to, so that would have got better.

But, slowly small things started to show that Australia was just another country. It had pros but it also had cons. I started thinking of South Africa - we have pros and cons too. Australia is beautiful, safe and has a lot of opportunity - but it doesn't have my dear friends I have had since school, my family that I am very close with. South Africa is also beautiful but dangerous and we are ridden with crime. In Australia they have petty crime, my car was vandalised a few times, money was stolen out of my purse at work - yes I know this is petty crime, but crime nonetheless. There were also incidences of the city I stayed in where someone was stabbed on the beach, cars were stolen and people mugged - didn't it start like this in South Africa too...?

And I agree with Michael, relationships here are difficult. There is a distinct culture clash. I went out on quite a few dates and found that every difference between us was seen as "South African" thing and most of the time negatively.

My employer thought he was doing me such a big favour because as he put it he was "saving" yet another South African.

Eventually I decided that I love South Africa, what is the point of being homesick, battling with the system and missing loved ones when I could just move back to South Africa, be extra careful but be happy.

At the end of December I made the move back. I start work this week and I am enjoying every minute, it is the best decision I have made. I do miss Australia because it is a lovely country, but my circumstances were different as I was young and went across by myself. You can take the girl out of South Africa but you can never take south Africa out of the girl. Even one day if I had become an Australian citizen, would I ever truly be Australian?

I can relate to what you describe but stating the obvious, it would have been better to at least wait longer. Making the decision to return back to SA within only a few months after landing is too soon IMHO. But it's also a personal decision...

Best of luck!

[Gail]

I have friends that moved back to Zim!!! Cant comment on their reasons, but I sure do not understand! It is a very personal decision, I guess.

[Mara]

I have sympathy for those that cannot find their 'feet' in Australia and return to SA, but each one as an individual must do what is best for them.

I have to make a statement here though, will probably be shot for it, but here goes....... Be very careful of Queensland......we lived in Brisbane when we first arrived, but only for six months. Apart from the weather, I dislike the high humidity intensely.....the Queenslanders are not very accepting of foreigners, and believe me some of them even regard Aussies from other states as foreigners! So, even before landing, you are half a dozen steps behind...that does not bode well.

When we arrived in Melbourne, after the six months in Brisbane.....all I can say is WOW! The people I have come across are totally accepting of immigrants.....have never looked back whilst job hunting.....have made some very good friends.....but then, I have been here 10 years.....so it all takes time!

I still miss my family and friends back in SA.....but look forward to their visits and being able to show them my country!

[AllisonW]

Wow Gail - Back to Zim? That is baffling!

To others i respect your decision to go back if you wish. We are not in Oz yet and cannot even comment on your experiences. I would not go on my own. Leaving with my husband and kids at least gives me some support or a family sense. You guys who do go alone are awesome and really brave. Just want to say that two of my school friends are married to australians that they met in the UK and they now live in Oz. They have managed to deal with the cultural differences - so there is hope for those in the dating scene.

Al

[polly]

It must be much harder to come across on your own. It seems most who go back are single? Or just the singles post

Just don't ever think crime in Australia is comparable to crime in South Africa. When robbers break through three security gates to get to the house occupants.... That doesn't happen in Australia as the norm I think.

[Marlene]

I have sympathy for those that cannot find their 'feet' in Australia and return to SA, but each one as an individual must do what is best for them.

I have to make a statement here though, will probably be shot for it, but here goes....... Be very careful of Queensland......we lived in Brisbane when we first arrived, but only for six months. Apart from the weather, I dislike the high humidity intensely.....the Queenslanders are not very accepting of foreigners, and believe me some of them even regard Aussies from other states as foreigners! So, even before landing, you are half a dozen steps behind...that does not bode well.

When we arrived in Melbourne, after the six months in Brisbane.....all I can say is WOW! The people I have come across are totally accepting of immigrants.....have never looked back whilst job hunting.....have made some very good friends.....but then, I have been here 10 years.....so it all takes time!

I still miss my family and friends back in SA.....but look forward to their visits and being able to show them my country!

I agree with you. Places are so far apart in Australia, that people seem to develope in little pockets.

I respect people's choices, but I don't understand why you would go through all the pain, money spending, not to live in a new country for at least 2 years.

We've been 4 years in New Zealand and never thought of ourselves settling there. We've been Aus now 19 months and have settled heaps better, but it would probably still take heaps more for me to call Aus "my country".

[MichaelvdBerg]

us now 19 months and have settled heaps better, but it would probably still take heaps more for me to call Aus "my country".

well you are already using the "heaps" slang so I think you are closer than you think

Well...I guess some people that go back might feel that they are done 'sitting it out' until the despair of their reality could somehow just get better after a number of years. People never truly get over SA and most of us, me including, don't want to...

[Goldie]

We're almost at our 1 year mark (next month) and I can honestly say that everytime I start to feel that I'm finally over the worst of it and starting to feel like this is home, another one of the much spoken about waves of depression/homesickness hits. I just want to know when they go away??? They knock me 6 love everytime.

Christmas and New year have been a particularly bad time emotionally for me. My brother and his wife arrive in Aus in a week and as much as I'm really excited about the fact that I'll have family here at last and my kids will have their cousins around for family celebrations, the guilt is only now hitting me, for the parents (divorced) we've left behind. I think I was pacified by the fact that my brother was still there. Probably a bit selfish of me.

I said to my husband the other day, I just want life to feel real again. I have this feeling of surrealism in everything I do. Even walking down the aisles in Woolies doesn't feel real. As much as I love it here, I don't think I've found my niche yet. Even the few friendships I've made, don't have that same feeling. Seen a few posts on marriages going wrong recently and all I can say is that it really can take it's toll on your relationship and I've had moments where I've thrown up my arms in the air and said, "that's it, I'm going back!". I know I never will, but somedays it just feels like it would be easier.

Anyone know what I'm talking about?????

[Jill]

HI Candice,

I know exactly what you are talking about, I think I try to hard and sometimes I just want to be myself again, back in my comfort zone, I have made friends here, but I miss my best friend in South Africa who knew me better than I knew myself, who I didn't have to explain things to, just don't really know how to express myself, I also walk down the aisle at Woolies, and it all just feels so unreal.

We live in a small housing complex, just to explain it, on the left when you drive into the place is a big tavern with a bottle shop, hotel etc, on the right is a Medical Centre, a dentist, hairdresser, fish and chip shop etc, it is a nice place to live, anyway, we have had a sign for a convenience store opening, they were obviously looking for a tenant, well we have seen it being stocked the last few weeks and lo and behold, on my way to work this morning, the sign writing was being done, and guess what it is, a SPAR, I felt so homesick, just hit me like a ton of bricks, there was the SPAR, same logo everything.

OH boy, I also cant wait to have peace and acceptance etc and just for it all to feel right. For me it is now 17 months.

Thinking of you, bye for now Jill

[Smartie]

I get quite emotional when I read these posts.

Ladies all I can add is that I hope you both find that inner peace.

Gosh the things we do for our children

[IslandStyle]

I get quite emotional when I read these posts.

Ladies all I can add is that I hope you both find that inner peace.

Gosh the things we do for our children

Yes, very true. What we wouldn't do for the sake of the little ones. Good luck to all, whoever/wherever you are/might find yourself, here's to all of us becoming truly successful and happy citizens of the world!

Edited January 15, 2009 by Wynand

[LindyM]

Hi Candice

You pulled some heart strings there! May I give you just a little bit of encouragement? You are further along in your travel for peace than you think. After just 1 year you will be much more familiar with your area, the kids schools, and the Aussies .etc. When your brother arrives and you see the confusion hit their eyes, and their emotional state you will realise how well you are doing. Having just one family member to talk to will make a huge difference.

There is no time frame as to how long it takes to really settle. Depends on a lot of things- but between 2 and 4 years - roughly!! Some do it before, some take even longer.

Keep reminding yourself --- this is not a race - its a marathon ! Dont try to rush the process .

Lindy

[MichaelvdBerg]

The funniest thing about this whole experience for me has been that since I have made the decision on NOT deciding about staying here indefinitely, I have somehow been able to feel a little better. This is somewhat liberating as emotionally I realised that I am not married to Australia..I don't owe anyone anything and if it doesn't work out here, I will head back or try another country. I think we try very hard to make this work but it feels like the harder we try, the harder it gets. Since I had changed my mindset that I will most likely go back one day, I am enjoying Australia a lot more...

[polly]

That is an awesome philosophy Micheal.

[Goldie]

Thanks guys. Really appreciate the words of encouragment and it's good to know that I'm normal. Most of the time I'm fine, but it's just those damn bouts of wobblies that hit every now and then. They are getting further apart though.

Michael, I know exactly what you are saying. We had a situation where we were desperate to move again. Closer to Gold Coast where all our friends are and we spoke about it constantly. Then we ended up in a big dilema when my husband had 2 job offers there and it was a case of changing 457 sponsors. I just couldn't face it...........more stress. We decided to stick it out here till we get PR and reassess the situation when we get that. It was like a huge weight lifted and even though we know we won't be where we are forever, we've accepted that this is where we are for now. Life improved for us somewhat after that and we started making friends and doing more things. That surreal feeling is still very much a problem, but have decided to see where the road takes us instead of stressing about everything so much. I think my problem and probably with a lot of us South Africans, is that I'm a bit of a control freak. Here I seem less able to control my situation. In some ways I wish I could be more like the Aussies and have the "no worries" attitude. I really do envy that in them.

BUT......as said before numerous times, we are a tough bunch and we can get through this, wherever it may lead us. We have this remarkable ability to pick ourselves up, dust off the dirt and surge forward again.

Who knows Michael, maybe you won't end up going back after all?????????

Candice

[elizes]

If you have been in Oz for a while, say a year or more...and you go back to South Africa permanently, most of us will have these same feelings about Oz again. Thats just the familiarness and memories of a place that causes that.