Just need to share

[Esthee]

I don't really write a lot on the forum, I'm more of a reader. But tonight I have to write my thoughts somewhere, I need to share what I'm feeling. My eyes are still sore from all the crying and my finger is sore from the cut I got cleaning up the broken glass. I've never been to Cape Town before and this week was my first holiday in a year. The weather hasn't been too great, but the views and the people were really very nice.

In the beginning of our trip here, I was really impressed by how the infrastructure and quality of roads were still really good. It's cleaner than Jhb and Pta and it seems that the complete disintegration of the roads, public areas etc hasn't really happened here like in Gauteng. At least the parks are clean, the roads have the minimum potholes and people still seem positive. People, white people, are still walking on the beaches, taking their dogs for walks etc. I was actually telling the fiance that perhaps we're thinking SA is bad because Gauteng is horrible, but the rest of the country isn't as bad yet. Maybe we just need a new city?

Yesterday was wonderful, we went and toured the whole Peninsula, had some lovely fish at the Wharf in Houtbay. I fell in love. Today we were supposed to do the wine tour in Stellenbosch, I got up early this morning to do the planning of the route, pick out our lunch restaurant. At 10 o clock we left the apartment and went down to the basement to where the car we are using was parked. When we opened the door someone had broken in through the sunroof. NOTHING was in the car, nothing. We've learnt a long time ago never to leave anything in the car. The car however was in a horrible state. The sunroof was smashed, and the glass is everywhere. In the gears, in the little nooks and crannies I'll never get clean. We went to the reception area to tell the guards, find out if they saw anything and their reaction was nothing. As if it happens every day. Their only question was 'You're visiters, right?' A complete inside job, so the police tells me.

I feel angry, disgusted and sad. I know we can be glad I went down last night and remembered to take out our gps. I know I should be glad that we weren't hurt. But why should I be glad? Why can't I feel violated and angry? How disturbing is it that we should be glad????

We're currently staying in The Strand and xenophobia attacks started here last night. They are just breaking into shops and stealing en masse. In the same area I'm staying. In Gauteng at least its removed, Alexandra is far from Pta, Diepsloot is also removed. I don't know Cape Town, so I don't know how far away this is happening? All I know is I'm feeling so unsafe at the moment. If I could I would get on the plane and leave the country immediately. My holiday is ruined and I'll probably never come back here ever again. Cape Town is forever spoiled for me. I've been quite lucky in Pta that we've been incident free.

I'm crying because the country I knew when I grew up does not exist any longer. I'm crying because its animals like the one who broke a sunroof for no reason who are running the country and making me need to leave my life behind. I don't want to immigrate, I don't want to start over. I don't want to leave the places I love, I don't want to leave my friends and family behind. I want my life back. I want to live in a safe country where I know I'll grow old. I want to stop having to hold back my life because I'm moving soon.

If this was still a safe, growing country, I would be buying a new house, getting a new dog, buying a new car. Instead, I'm taking passport photos, saving every rand I have and just passing time. I hate this life. The country is falling to pieces and I'm caught in the middle.

So the thief/ barbarian/ animal / #%#$ didn't steal anything, he stole my piece of mind, he stole my holiday, he stole a lovely day with my fiance, he stole my happiness.....

Tomorrow I'm going home, I don't care for Cape Town and will never come back here again. Thanks to one individual who broke a window......

[BasinOzson]

Sorry about what happend to you. This is the reality of our country. It is sad. Save journey back and pray for that visa.

Edited May 24, 2008 by Vlam

[Guest natalie3]

yip..thats a raw deal...and even sadder that this happens just when u thought SA ia not that bad to warrant leaving permanently....

im sorry u were disappointed..but im glad that u were not harmed physically and that u (God-willing) will have lesft SA before something bad happens to you...

all the more reason to get excited about oz!!!..that kind of thing may well happen there...but the odds are in your favour!

[Carrie]

I think that all of us on the forum share you hurt, dismay and anger.

*hugz*

At least we have someplace to go.

[Esthee]

Thanks Vlam, Natalie and Carrie,

I'm feeling better after sharing And yes, its good to have like minded people to rant to

Oh and Carrie, thanks for your wonderful blog on your LSD tour! I went to your blog every morning hoping to get a glimpse of how my new country was going to look. Good luck on your decisions and choices

[Rissiepit]

Dear Esthee,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I actually can't think of a single thing to say to make you feel better. Loss must be the worst feeling there is. And I'm not referring to the loss of personal belongings or possessions - yes, it angers one but possessions can be replaced. The loss of a life, a loved one, a friendship, trust, safety, peace of mind, your dignity, your value as a human being, your country ... home. Those kind of losses really hurt and hit hard. We are faced with these losses on a daily basis and no, it is not right and it is not fair.

Something's gotta give ... enough is enough.

Have a safe trip back home

[louw.pretorius]

I tend to be a realist(aka pessimist) but if i could try and put a positive spin on your bad experience here goes:

If there were no break-in and you had a glorious day here in beautifull CapeTown and you get your visa and go, then when things got rough the first few months in Oz you start to agonize over your situation because "maybe it wasn't AS bad everywhere, maybe we should just have moved to a nicer city" then you would be second-guessing yourself into a depression. NOW you KNOW that it is bad everywhere and just changing the scenery will not help.

Thats about as positive as I can make it.

Good luck on severing all those nostalgic memories.

[De Kat]

Esthee, so sorry for your spoilt holiday, its funny how violated a mere break-in can leave one feeling. Imagine if it was worse, hijacking, raping, killing. Sorry girl, just want to make you try and see the positive, but yes, BE mad, BE sad, cry if you want to. That is the way to work through this.

I do like Louw's answer, though. Reminds me of the story I posted about "my hut is burning down". One day, many moons from now, you will understand why this has happened, at this time, to steer you in a different direction.

Chin up, girl.

[Nilo]

If there were no break-in and you had a glorious day here in beautifull CapeTown and you get your visa and go, then when things got rough the first few months in Oz you start to agonize over your situation because "maybe it wasn't AS bad everywhere, maybe we should just have moved to a nicer city" then you would be second-guessing yourself into a depression. NOW you KNOW that it is bad everywhere and just changing the scenery will not help.

Louw you hit the nail right on the head!!!

Esthee you'll be fine in Australia, just get here as soon as possible!!!

Big hug for you!!

[Annette]

Esthee

Remember this feeling, process it and file it away. Then, in a year or so when you're sitting in Australia and feeling miserable because you miss your friends and family, when you start thinking how good you had it in South Africa and how hard it is to have to start again. When you feel that everything Australian is just so wrong, that no one knows what they're doing, that the shops don't know the first thing about displaying their groceries in the right places, that the Aussies don't make friends with you, that your workplace is 10 years behind the rest of the world, that Aussie humour is just so lame and how can anyone think that's funny, that really things were not nearly as bad as you remember them (or you start becoming unable to remember just how bad it really was and start romanticising everything about South Africa, South Africans, South African food, South African animals, South African schools etc.), THEN you go and find that feeling from its filing cabinet deep inside your mind and remind yourself why it is you put yourself through this extremely harrowing process of uprooting and reinventing yourself. In fact, save the link to this post, print it out and put it in a prominent place so that you can refer back to it when things start getting tough here in Oz.

Sorry about what you had to go through.

Annette

[Coyote Ugly]

Esthee

Thanks for sharing your feelings

My heart breaks reading this (and i am ashamed)

Our prayers are with you as you travel Keep safe and try look for the silver thread and know that your home is safe waiting for your return

[CTFamily]

Esthee

A huge sorry and *hugs* from Cape Town. We moved here 3 years ago from Roodepoort and I was amazed how laid back everyone was about security and the like and thought that 'semigration' was the answer for our family. Sadly, things have changed greatly since then and I'm sorry that you were called on by the local idiots and they spoilt your holiday.

Last week our garage was broken into (again) and loads of items taken - chainsaw, tent, my kids pram (annoying!!!) etc and after the initial shock we found our only real thought was 'Less to put in the container'. I just wish our insurance company didn't replace and just gave us the money!

Hope you're feeling better

Tracey

xx

[SHIRLS]

Hi Esthee,

Ditto to everything above,but just to add something that I have done.Hubby and I started a list last year of all our dislikes about SA and we are at No.89 so far.I saved it onto my laptop and everytime I think of something that pissed me off I just add and save.That way,if ever I get the wobbles or think that moving to Oz is a bad idea then I just reaffirm mysely with the list.Just an idea!!!

[The Willmore's]

So sorry to hear of your horrible experience of Cape Town - Born Capie and lived most of my live in Strand. Spoke to some family tonight that want us to come back - Make this whole attack story sound not so bad by how wonderful everyone is helping

Glad to hear its still BAD. Australia = FREEDOM

Have a save journey here and I'mholding thumbs all goes quickly for you