Same Boat

[sunshine123]

Hi everyone

Just reading through the posts on this forum, and came across Odelia's story.

Realised it might as well have been a story about my experience...

We left for NZ in 2006 - (OZ was first choice but at that time NZ was our only option) I flew over BY MYSELF with a 6 WEEK old baby and a 3 yr old daughter - I've just had a ceasarean. Truth be told, the stress and adrenaline took me right through everything and onto the plane, but when I actually stepped onto the plane and saw my seat - where I was going to have to sit and endure an endless flight with two very small children all by myself - it took every bit of courage I have ever had to stay on that plane on not run down the steps again. I still remember that feeling like it was yesterday.

My husband was already there and had found a good job in Auckland. I had my daughter baptised in SA very rushed before my husband left for NZ.

At first we stayed with distant family - which was difficult. Then moved into a studio flat - my 3 yr old daughter had to bath in a plastic baby bath in the shower - as the flat had not bath! It was pretty much a kitchen, bedroom and dining room in one... then only once the work permit was sorted did we start looking for a rental.

We found a lovely rental, and moved in - camped - rented a fridge, tv, washing machine, dryer and slept on the floor - not fun waking up in the middle of the night with a newborn and really having no comforts from home!

I was sick all the time - the new bugs in the air really hit me and it was horrible having to get up in the mornings whilst being so tired and sick that I just wanted to die, but I had two children who depended on me. I was climbing the walls and could've easily drowned in depression from staying at home with a very difficult baby and 3 yr old and not having any contact with the outside world. Made a few friends, also joined the church, but nothing could bring back the comfort of having my mom around to help with the kids..

Just as bad was the fact that I would gain the courage to venture outside with the two girls, and after taking about 25 minutes just to gear up for the weather outside, I was ready to just call it a day and not go out at all. A real dissapointment for me was when September came round and I did what I always do in SA when September comes up - I unpack all the summer clothes, swimming towels and sunscreen, take out all the summer sheets, and generally get ready for a 'lekker' summer! Much to my utter dissapointment, Spring was even worse than Winter! Then, my husband woke me up one morning to tell me that my beloved dog (that we left with my parents) had died - he just knew he couldn't leave me alone that day and took the day off work.

But we drove around alot and saw some beautiful scenery - it's a beautiful country, I had fun going into the city on a Saturday night with the ferry and going to watch the Symphony Orchestra (yes, I know, I'm strange like that )

I took photos of everything and we really did see beautiful and interesting things..

My husband was not ecstatically happy there, but he would've stayed if I was fine.. eventually decided that i would come back by myself for a holiday to visit the family.. but deep in my heart I knew I was coming back for good.

I couldn't face flying by myself again, so my dear husband paid for a ticket for himself, and took only about 3 days leave or something ridiculous just so he could fly back with me and hop right back on a plane again to come and sort things out on NZ side.

Very unselfish of him and he never blamed me for not being able to 'make it' on that side... he also hated the weather

Was glad to be back in SA, and we worked really hard to get back on our feet - and our life's pretty much back to where it was before we left.

Needless to say, nothing's changed in SA and in fact it might have gotten worse - but very early on we already started talking about going to OZ - however, this time learning from some of our mistakes and hopefully making wiser decisions and being more patient.

It was really 'dof' to go with a 6 week old baby - especially someone like me who cannot be left alone in a house all day with small children without having some form of help

We now will wait until the youngest one is at school going age so that I can afford to work part time - it can be an important way of getting to know people and feeling like you are contributing to something..

Like many others, we went with preconceived ideas about what it was going to be like there (especially about the weather) and I was so dissapointed! If I can afford it, I will go for a LSD trip to OZ, but from what I've seen, some of it looks very similar to NZ so I know what to expect when it comes to housing, general look of suburbs etc.

This time, I'm not in a rush - I'm happy (though not safe) in my house and I am thoroughly enjoying seeing my family and friends and being with my father who is very ill.

So, if it takes 2 years to get there, no probs (I can only pray we are safe until then) - it's good knowing you are going, without the frantic rush and stress that goes with it, so I appreciate every breakfast I have at Wimpy and every beautiful winter's day and every time I can pick up the phone to just ask my mom something quickly without having to wait for her to wake up on the other side of the world.

I suppose in a very long winded way I am trying to say that many many years ago our great grandparents didnt have these types of experiences, so for all of us its a very new thing and we all have to learn as we go along, so don't beat yourself up if you're not happy - it's not the end of the world to go back and forth - I think as long as you respect your partner, your children and try and make wise decisions, you are allowed to make the 'wrong move' and then try again in another direction.

We feel good about our experience in NZ and I can say a lot of good things about the place too, I don't regret going (except maybe financially - we've learnt alot about what it involves to emmigrate and how different another continent can really be despite all the similarities people say there are.

Do what makes you happy - you have only one life and you deserve to enjoy it - all the way to the grave - just have respect for yourself, your family and children and consider them in your decisions, but other than that, enjoy it!!

Wow, I've finally gotten that all off my chest - feels good.

Thanks!

[Leigh MC]

Hi - and thanks so much for sharing all of that with us. It came from the heart, and I can see you've been through a lot!

Always good to hear about the realities that face us. I know this emigration thing is probably the hardest decision I will have to make, and its always difficult to know if you're making the right one.

My boyfriend has been warbling on lately about going to NZ instead of Aus, but I've heard rumours about crappy weather - and you've just confirmed it for me - so thanks!!! I now have 'ammunition' to use in my case for Australia

I'm sure there are so many other people who've felt like you - you're not alone. When I wen to England about 10 years ago, I was certain I was not coming back here, and went in all gung-ho... but also hated the weather - it REALLY got me down - and landed up coming back here after 2 years.

But now - enough is enough, and hopefully this will be the last time I 'leave for good'.

Again, thanks for your story, and good luck with the next emigration process!

Leigh

[Smartie]

Made a few friends, also joined the church, but nothing could bring back the comfort of having my mom around to help with the kids..

++

Hi there,

Thanks for your message, I think its good that we get to hear the good and the bad.

Your words above really touched me because I think its ALOT harder for us ladies to leave our moms compared to our husbands.

I also think alot of people are not in the position to come back due to finances but luckily for you, you were able to so as you said, you appreciate what time you have left here.

I now try and make the most of my time with my parents and everytime I drive out their gate I am overwhelmed with sadness for the future when I am not here to be with them.

Nothing can replace Family and thats going to the hardest for alot of us

All the very best

[didl]

Hello!

Thanks for this story. It was so real, and I think many people can feel it, while reading your story. Also I can see that you faced some real challanges and I can just imagine that it would not be easy for anyone to deal with. I think it is difficult enough to have a baby ( or 2 small children), not to mention to start a new life elswhere. I think our husbands have it a bit easier, as usually they get a job and settle in quicker in the new country.

Good luck with your Oz plan!

didl

[sunshine123]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your words of encouragement - yes it is a very real story - and it was an exceptionally difficult experience for me personally and emotionally.

But I'm stronger for it (I think! ) and true to my personality, now that I've made the decision to give Oz a go, I'm like a pit bull. I won't stop until I get a positive result - only thing is, I'm going to do it at a steady pace and I think this time, I'm not going to be averse to getting a prescription for something along the lines of Prozac to help with the really tough times - whatever helps get you through I suppose!

[Leigh MC]

Hey - whatever gets you through the day!!! I'm not averse to a glass of cheeky chardonnay or a little Jack Daniels myself

Leigh

[zorba]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your words of encouragement - yes it is a very real story - and it was an exceptionally difficult experience for me personally and emotionally.

But I'm stronger for it (I think! ) and true to my personality, now that I've made the decision to give Oz a go, I'm like a pit bull. I won't stop until I get a positive result - only thing is, I'm going to do it at a steady pace and I think this time, I'm not going to be averse to getting a prescription for something along the lines of Prozac to help with the really tough times - whatever helps get you through I suppose!

Hi there,

Thanks for your 1st post - it was awesome. Thanks for sharing.

Just had a giggle about you decscribing yourself as a pit bull...that's what my husband says about me! LOL!!

BTW pit bulls are illegal in AUS - we'd better pick a different breed!

Good luck with the process. Keep us posted.

zorba

[AReyeP]

Interesting hearing what people say about how the weather can impact on them. I think it's a factor many should take into serious consideration.

Crime etc aside, as an Aussie I feel a lot more at home here in SA than I would in the USA, Canada or Britain. It's not only the similarity in lifestyles but the weather. I can even look up at the night sky and it looks just as it did in Aus. Sometimes it feels as if Aus is just a stonethrow away!

[Jill]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your story with us, I really felt what you went through. The weather plays a big factor in deciding where to immigrate. A lot of people say oh it doesn't matter but they are saying that while living in SA while the sun is shining on them, it is a different story when you experience the reality of cold weather. My brother went to the UK from Richards Bay, a lovely hot place, he is an outdoor person and now I hear he is battling, he has 3 small children so the cold has been a real battle for them, indoor lifestyle etc. This is something people tend to overlook when immigrating.

I am a person who needs the sun, I like to see my shadow.

Anyway, good luck with your new move to Australia. I was also lucky enough to spend a year in the UK so I also knew what it was going to be like to be away from SA, my mom lives in the UK so I had already had the separation from her, but for my husband this is the first time he is away from his mom, so that is really hard for him.

Thanks JIll

[Andrea]

Great story!! Makes a change from the usual 'I miss Mrs Balls and Pronutro, so we are going back' ones. Good luck, 2nd time round. I believe you will be just fine this time I popped 'pills' for my 1st 5 days , now I just drink!!

[Navigator]

Great story about a real experience! I'm sure this experience made you a stronger person for when you eventually make the move to Australia. Everything in life happens for a reason - I can't yet figure out the reason for not winning the lotto...