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The importance of building a network


DesertDaisy
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Over the last 4 days I have been reminded TWICE on how important it is to build a support network when you land in a new country.

It started on Thursday. I bumped into a friend of mine who appeared to have sprouted a 7mth old baby overnight. She was hassled, the baby was crying etc etc. It turned out it was her neighbours son. The neighbour had to go into hospital unexpectedly. They did not have the funds to hire a babysitter or bring a family member over on such short notice, and the young husband was not in a position to take time off work. So they asked my friend to look after the baby. It was extremely difficult, as my friend had no idea of the baby's routine, the baby was breastfed and now all of a sudden had to take a bottle, and it was really hard on everyone - the young mother for having to leave her baby with a relative stranger, and on my friend who had to take responsibility for a small baby, and on the baby who had no idea what was going on.

I belong to a local expat woman's group, and yesterday morning, I posted a notice on our chatboards to suggest everyone start making emergency arrangements, just in case. My friend Maree jokingly said I could have her two - a baby of 9 mths old and a 3 yr old. I said of course, and we joked about it.

It turned out NOT to be a joke. A couple of hours later, Maree had to rush the baby to hospital. Her husband is away, and her 3yr old was causing havoc at the doctor. So at 9-30pm she called me, and I ended up with a houseguest for the night. My kids thought it was a great adventure, and so has my friend's 3 yr old. They are playing together as I type.

But if we hadn't discussed it, even jokingly, Maree would have been in a real state. While the hospital had offered to set up another bed in the ward, it was proving extremely difficult to deal with a sick baby and an overwhelmed 3 yr old.

So please, please, set up an emergency network between you and your friends.

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Hi DesertDaisy

I think that is one of the best ideas that I have heard of! Congratulations for bringing it up.

The other thing that I have come across, how many people with underaged children actually make provision in their wills for the guardianship of their children? After making all the sacrifices of getting their kids out of SA, what would happen if for some reason they were left orphans - would they have to return to live with family in SA?

You see, I ask this, as many years ago, it happened to a family in NZ. They were involved in a car crash, parents were both killed, three surviving children were orphaned. In this instance, they were fortunate, they had a set of extremely good SA friends who were childless and whom they had appointed as guardians in their will. The family in SA tried very hard to have the children return to SA, however, in the end the law prevailed and they stayed with the friends, but had complete access to their SA family.

This set all of us thinking and rushing off to get our affairs in order.

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Oh have I realised how important this is... ;)

We have arranged for my mom-in-law to be here when baby is due to arrive. She lands 29 June and baby due 20 July but....I've had false contractions TWICE now already. Had no idee what I was going to do with the other 2 if I go into early labour, But thanx to 3 wonderful families I have that sorted.

All seems to be on track now but it is very comforting to know that IF something does happen, I have people there for me and my family.

Lindy-Lee

:blink:

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Hi there,

DesertDaisy has touched on a very important subject. It is SO important to build a support network in case of emergencies. Also, to keep this network alive. Keep in touch with these people and constantly make new connections. Sometimes peoples' circumstances change, sometimes they just have a change of heart, and are no longer available to you. It is a real shock when you rely on people, who you assumed were your best friends, and they suddenly have a no care attitude towards you.

We have been through a hard time this last week, and the people who we thought would be there for us, are nowhere to be seen. :blink:

At least I found a friend in DD, on who's shoulder I could cry when things got too much for me. Thanks!

Greetings,

Dreamy

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Guest colton

Hi Dreamy

Sorry to hear you had such a bad week, good thing is tomorrow is the begining of a NEW week. Hope you have a great one!!! ;)

I tend not to burden others with any of my worries or concerns, I trust only a few people who I know would drop everything for me at a moments notice, you know those girlfriends who just make life better? I might have a problem in Oz as I think when things start to get me down I won't have anyone to turn to, thank goodness for skype and webcams because I will still be able to reach out to my "sistas" but sometimes you just need a hug and understanding!!

Good suggestion, we all need a support club we can turn to in times of need, even if our children are all grown up! :blink:

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Thanks colton, the forum is a great pillar of support, and even a laugh if you feel really down, but you are right, sometimes you just need a hug. :hug:

:( Dreamy

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Guest Seoul Sister
It is a real shock when you rely on people, who you assumed were your best friends, and they suddenly have a no care attitude towards you.

We have been through a hard time this last week, and the people who we thought would be there for us, are nowhere to be seen. :ilikeit:

Hey Dreamy,

That is not good !! :hug: I am very sorry to hear that you have been having a tough time without someone to turn to ! Always keep me in mind, I'm only a PM away !

Love and hugs from Korea

Your friend

Seoul Sista

:(

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Thanks SS, I'll keep that in mind. I wanted to put a post on the forum last week, but did not want to seem like I was looking for sympathy, (which was in fact exactly what I was doing! :hug: ) so I just snuck in a little something, on which DD picked up. I should have known you guys here would help with a bit of moral support.

Well, it's a new week, and things are looking better. Life goes on, as they say...

Regards,

Dreamy :(

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