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No need for Chuck Norris in SA

R & E

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Screw Chuck, we have Steve!

Steve Hofmeyer once sakkied with 10 Poppies at once.

Steve Hofmeyer drives a Tata.

Steve Hofmeyer braai’s with his fingers.

Steve Hofmeyer doesn’t support the Bulls, the Bulls support Steve Hofmeyer.

Steve Hofmeyer doesn’t have a good voice, the microphone is scared of

Steve Hofmeyer and makes his voice perfect.

When Steve Hofmeyer stares at raw meat it turns to biltong.

Bless Bridges didn’t die in a car crash Steve Hofmeyer beat him to death with a red rose.

Morkels gives Steve Hofmeyer any guarantee he wants.

Steve Hofmeyer repossessed Bob Mugabe’s Farm.

Not even Chuck Norris gets as many fathers day cards as Steve Hofmeyer.

The “National Party” is actually a term to describe Steve Hofmeyer’s birthday celebrations…

Steve Hofmeyer cannot count. He doesn’t need to.

Klipdrift is actually Steve Hofmeyer’s urine.

Osama Bin Laden and Steve Hofmeyer have the same amount of letters in both their names. Coincidence?

Steve Hofmeyer is the only man alive to turn down Patricia Lewis. (do you blame him though??)

Steve Hofmeyer can get through on Vodacom.

When Steve Hofmeyer goes to Pick ‘n Pay he just picks.

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Dankie Riaan!

PS Wie is hierdie Chuck Norris nou eintlik? Die naam lui 'n klokkie iewers... :ilikeit:

Edited by Dax
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Ag, het iemand nie nog die Raain Crywagen (spelling?!) lysie ook nie ... is op dieselfde trant, iets van Riaan lees nie die nuus nie, hy dink dit uit terwyl hy praat; Riaan dra nie 'n haarstuk nie, hy het een perfekte haar wat sy hele kop bedek ... so iets!

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>>Riaan Crywagen never has his back to you.....or does he? His back is

>>infact identical to his front except for a large conjoined twin:

>>Tiaan Crywagen. (This creepy duo is what Ridley Scott used as a


>>for a character in Mad Max called Master Blaster.)


>>Riaan Crywagen is fluent in twenty seven of the eleven official



>>Riaan Crywagen knows the news before it happens.


>>Riaan Crywagen knew you would say that.


>>Riaan Crywagen is cryogenically frozen every night for EXACTLY eight

>>hours. His brain impulses are monitored during this and used as data

>>for deciphering elaborate ancient manuscripts.


>>Riaan Crywagen had a telekinetic showdown with Johan Stemmet. After

>>draining all of Stemmet's powers and rendering him severely retarded,

>>he created Noot vir Noot and made Stemmet the host.


>>Some people believe Riaan Crywagen wears a toupee - he does not,

>>Although he is in fact bald - except for one perfect hair... the one


>>Covers his entire head - giving it that, 'not quite real' look. Riaan

>>himself is not quite real.


>>Riaan Crywagen was the original model for Michelangelo's statue of

>>David. Unfortunately, that was in the early years of Michelangelo's


>>And he wasn't yet artistically mature enough to capture the Crywagen

>>essence... he nearly drove himself mad with frustration until



>>decided to settle for his number 2 choice of model. Chuck Norris was

>>only 3

>>years when he posed for Michelangelo.


>>One night during an ad break on the 8 o'clock news, Riaan Crywagen

>>mentioned to the makeup lady that he was 'tired of this apartheid

>>nonsense'. Nelson Mandela was freed prison the next day.


>>Riaan Crywagen wasn't born, he thought himself into existence


>>The only made made object visible (with the unaided eye) from space

>>Is the Great Wall of China. Riaan Crywagen can see the Muir Space


>>With his 'unaided eye'.


>>Riaan Crywagen is omnipresent


>>Riaan Crywagen never blinks; if he does the entire world would just

>>Not happen for that split second.


>>When Sir Edmund Hillary reached the summit of Mount Everest, he was

>>welcomed by Riaan Crywagen, who briefly interviewed him, before

>>wiring the information through to the SAUK.


>>The SAUK is actually a front for a secret society of Swiss Bankers

>>Who manipulate the worlds economy, and his chaired by non other than


>>Most Worshipfull Master, Riaan Crywagen.


>>In binary code the word "Riaan Crywagen" looks like the shroud of



>>When he was three Riaan Crywagen successfully reinvented the wheel.

>>For his second birthday party he entertained guests by coming up with

>>The first highly sucessful prototype.


>>Riaan Crywagen will never die. His soul gets transferred to another

>>identical body via various arcane rituals and current nano-technology

>>thrice fortnightly.


>>Bruce Willis' character in Die Hard is based on the unpublished

>>autobiography written by Riaan Crywagen at the age of 15.


>>Riaan Crywagen is an accomplished author and poet - (humble by

>>nature) he chooses not to write under his own title but prefers to go


>>the pen names of W. Whitman, E. Hemingway, Proust, JD Salinger and G


>>- to name a few...


>>Riaan Crywagen's first job was tutoring Pythagoras


>>After reading the news Riaan Crywagen built the pyramids. It took

>>precisely 17 minutes to draw up the plans and then a further six

>>minutes to think them into existence.

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