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Breaking the news to family about immigration...


PieterleRoux
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Good morning everyone (still in SA so it is morning for me at least¬†ūüėÄ)

 

My first post on this great forum. I have spend many hours of reading through 100's of threads and found this forum extremely helpful. No need for me to post most questions as most have been answered thanks to great threads and fantastic feedback.

 

I'm in the process of moving over within my company to the Australia office. Process has started and mostly handled by the company 

 

My family was saddened by the news of us leaving, but have been very supportive. 100% In support of our decision.

 

However...

 

We will meet with my in-laws this weekend. We stay close to each other so see them quite frequently (this contributes a lot to the challenge). I anticipate a very difficult discussion. My father in law has always been very vocal about people that leave SA. He has stopped communication with his cousin who left SA for NZ. We've tested the waters a few times in the past about this topic and he has always been very harsh about it. Now we are leaving with his two grandchildren so I anticipate some tough times. This has been a very exciting period, but quite stressful as well. Any resistance from family will make a tough move even tougher 

 

Anyone else had similar experience? 

 

 

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Morning @PieterleRoux - welcome to the forum and I agree - there are tons of questions and answers here that also helped us with the move over. 

 

With regards to your situation with the in-laws, I feel that everyone is entitled to their own opinion around emigration however you need to do what you feel is right for your family. When we moved over here to Australia, it was very tough for us to leave family behind, however I personally sleep well at night knowing that my step children will be able to study further and they will be able to work and live in a country where they can have a proper future. While Australia does have some minor crime, it is no where as close to what South Africa experiences.

To see children riding their bikes to the park, woman walking their dogs alone at night, people running undisturbed on the beach in the early morning has been a huge eye opener for me - and who wouldn't want their children to grow up in a place like this?

 

So, for your father in law - as tough as it may be for him - he has to realise that you are not doing this to get away from them - but you are doing it for the future of your family. The recent problems in KZN and JHB with the looting has caused a lot of families to question their future (I know cause I have been asked a few times). 

 

While the initial move is going to cause tears on both sides, after a few months of getting settled and into a routine - you will all see the benefits and will you will ask yourself (like a-lot of us have already done) why you didn't move here sooner. ūüôā¬†

 

All the best with the discussion and I do hope it goes well and he can see why you are wanting to make the move.

On the positive side, technology has really closed the gap of overseas travel and WhatsApp / Skype video calls will still ensure that your in-laws can still keep in contact. It just means they have to make some effort their side and they have to be happy and positive for you guys on this big move.

 

Cheers

FingersCrossed

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Hi and welcome to the forum!  Congrats on getting the company transfer!

 

We didn't have resistance from family, but some friends had some strong opinions on it.  Funny enough the most vocal anti-immigration people are the first ones to reach out to ask how you did it every time sh!t hits the fan in ZA.

 

15 hours ago, PieterleRoux said:

My father in law has always been very vocal about people that leave SA

I think you'll have to just rip off the Band-Aid. If he reacts harshly I would suggest not getting into an argument about why South Africa has so much potential etc etc.

 

Your position on this must be that this is something that you and your wife have spent a lot of time thinking about and your minds are already made up. 

 

He will possibly play the fleeing your country card, but really it is something that all our forefathers did when they left Europe.

 

You'll probably have months left in South Africa and its pretty much up to him whether he cherishes every moment with your family or not.

 

Good luck, let us know how it goes.

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Thank you FingersCrossed and ChrisH for the feedback. Much appreciated. 

 

Our motivation for this move is clear. My wife is even more excited about this move than I am so this will help a lot in our discussions. It's been coming for a time this move so this is not an impulsive emotional decision. I am hoping to keep my discussions on that level as well. 

 

Sadness is expected from all (us included), however I am a bit cautions for our discussion this weekend. But hey, perhaps I am overthinking it as well? 

 

Will give feedback on how our discussion went this Sunday 

 

PS: Brisbane bound¬†ūüôā

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Hi @PieterleRoux

 

Welcome. 

 

We were also anxious about the discussions with family a few months back, however they were very supportive in the end. 

 

Good luck with the discussion, and with the process as a whole.

 

How far in the visa/emigration process are you?

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16 hours ago, PieterleRoux said:

PS: Brisbane bound

 

You'll love it here! 

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HI Pieter

 

I own a company here in Auz with 20 staff (Microsoft system implementations - Spread all over the world- 3 in RSA), so if you have any company/related questions just shout.

 

As a side, when we were leaving 10 years ago i let everyone know i was looking into it then didnt say another word until the month before we left, i let people know it was a done deal, did all the goodbye's and we were gone.

 

There were a few people who were unpleasant with us, i tried to explain, then wrote them off if they stayed difficult, this unfortunately includes my eldest sister, not great at all, but i have to get on with my life, and i honestly have so much stress running a business, that i dont have the ability to have family stress as well, i basically told them that this is where we are at, doesnt matter if you understand it or not, get with the program or get out.

 

Everyone's situation is different, but this was the solution that worked for me,

 

We have had my sister and Wife's family out here tons though, Dad & sister each once, and her mom has been here for about 5x 3 month trips, they either support us or stay out of it, im happy with either, so we get to see them every once and a while to keep my Wife happy, and they get a sponsored holiday.

 

Hope you figure it out, feel free to bounce ideas

 

 

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6 hours ago, ChrisH said:

@PieterleRoux how did it go?

 

Hi Chris,

 

Discussion did not happen. I came in contact with a colleague on Friday that had COVID symptoms. We are self isolating till we have his results (hopefully later today). Will most likely have it in the next week or two (depending on the test result). Luckily for them it was just a braai we did not attend, but for us we were hoping to get this off our chests. 

 

Another week or two of having the discussion in our thoughts and overthinking it.¬†ūüôā

 

Hoping my colleague does not have COVID so that we can have the discussion 

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So we had a braai this Saturday at the in-laws.

 

Tried to ease into breaking the news (yeah I know I am terrible at this). Both in-laws where not too resistant of our ambitions to move overseas. But as soon as I mentioned Australia my father in law laughed. Had to show me some videos and news articles of Australia (that "New World Order" video from NSW and the vaccine passport etc.) Tried to talk around this but he was getting too caught up in this so we backed off a bit. Informed him that we intend to still move there but I don't think the penny dropped with them yet on how serious we are about this move. Immigration has always been a topic discussed around the braai, and I've got this feeling that he thinks this is just a phase we are going through, especially after all the drama in RSA recently. 

 

My brother and sister in law where very supportive of our move. Spend some alone time with them as well to discuss our plans. I was pleasantly surprised at the support received from them.

 

Ironing out some smaller details with the work this week. This should give us better idea on possible timelines and other arrangements around our move 

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Hi @PieterleRoux

 

Well at least you started the conversation. I wouldn't be surprised if your brother and sister in law have also thought about moving overseas. ūüôā¬†I bet they will be the first to come and visit you here and then it won't be long before they are asking questions on how you got here and the process. Happens a lot of the time.

 

As for the news articles etc....well I personally always take that with a pinch of salt as I just find that the news sometimes likes to create drama (Suppose that is how they sell the news / get people to watch)....I think every country in the world is trying to figure out how to have a vaccine passport and since this is really new territory for a lot of countries - I expect there will be hiccups or small issues...but they will get sorted in time.

 

Good luck with ironing out the smaller details and hope it all goes well for you.

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Glad you could get passed this step.

 

We've also had great support from the majority of people we've told so far.

 

Good luck going forward.

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Yeah, I also don't read to much into that type of news. 

 

We have a very clear goal on why we are making the move and these other factors will not have any influence. Almost time to get our 2nd vaccines so any talks of vaccine passport or requirement to be vaccinated to work does not affect me anyway. 

 

Just had a great meeting with the office in Australia (company I work for). Will be "moving" within the company. Extremely excited about this move, and about advancing my career in Australia. Taking one step down within the company, but I honestly feel like this is a huge step upwards¬†ūüôā

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Well done on the progress, the fact that he has articles pretty much lined up and ready to go as soon as you mention certain countries means that he must suspect it already.

 

You should refer him to the fact that South Africa itself actually requires proof (call it a vaccine passport if you will) of a yellow fever vaccination. I particularly love this part:

South Africa considers a one-time dose of yellow fever vaccine (properly documented with an ICVP) to be good for the life of the traveler. Any traveler not meeting this requirement can be refused entry to South Africa or quarantined for up to 6 days. Travelers may also be vaccinated on entry.

 

Source

 

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On 9/14/2021 at 10:05 AM, ChrisH said:

Well done on the progress, the fact that he has articles pretty much lined up and ready to go as soon as you mention certain countries means that he must suspect it already.

 

You should refer him to the fact that South Africa itself actually requires proof (call it a vaccine passport if you will) of a yellow fever vaccination. I particularly love this part:

South Africa considers a one-time dose of yellow fever vaccine (properly documented with an ICVP) to be good for the life of the traveler. Any traveler not meeting this requirement can be refused entry to South Africa or quarantined for up to 6 days. Travelers may also be vaccinated on entry.

 

Source

 

 

I found this rather humorous as well. I nearly got refused entry into Botswana because in was In Nigeria a few years back. I was on the border and my yellow fever booklet ("passport") was back in Cape Town. Thankfully my wife had a photo of it on her phone. 

 

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Well almost weekend. Off to buy some beer for the braai tomorrow (luckily with new lockdown rules we can buy on Friday's)

 

Had a long chat with my youngest brother this week, and I was overwhelmed by the support and excitement from his side. Fully understand and supports us, but has requested a few extra braai's before we leave. 

 

* Any members on the forum that stay in Springfield, Brisbane? Our offices will be in Wacol, Brisbane 

 

 

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I don't stay in Springfield, but it got hit by a nasty hail storm recently. Apparently, a lot of the damage is still to be repaired resulting in people renting undamaged homes in the locality while theirs's is getting fixed. It's created a bit of supply issue. Otherwise, I haven't heard anything bad. Australians in general put up with a lot less than South Africans. If a neighbourhood has a single break-in it's vilified (exaggerating), and I think Springfield suffers a bit from this. 

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