Breaking the news to family about immigration...

[PieterleRoux]

Good morning everyone (still in SA so it is morning for me at least 😀)

 

My first post on this great forum. I have spend many hours of reading through 100's of threads and found this forum extremely helpful. No need for me to post most questions as most have been answered thanks to great threads and fantastic feedback.

 

I'm in the process of moving over within my company to the Australia office. Process has started and mostly handled by the company 

 

My family was saddened by the news of us leaving, but have been very supportive. 100% In support of our decision.

 

However...

 

We will meet with my in-laws this weekend. We stay close to each other so see them quite frequently (this contributes a lot to the challenge). I anticipate a very difficult discussion. My father in law has always been very vocal about people that leave SA. He has stopped communication with his cousin who left SA for NZ. We've tested the waters a few times in the past about this topic and he has always been very harsh about it. Now we are leaving with his two grandchildren so I anticipate some tough times. This has been a very exciting period, but quite stressful as well. Any resistance from family will make a tough move even tougher 

 

Anyone else had similar experience? 

 

 

[FingersCrossed]

Morning @PieterleRoux - welcome to the forum and I agree - there are tons of questions and answers here that also helped us with the move over. 

 

With regards to your situation with the in-laws, I feel that everyone is entitled to their own opinion around emigration however you need to do what you feel is right for your family. When we moved over here to Australia, it was very tough for us to leave family behind, however I personally sleep well at night knowing that my step children will be able to study further and they will be able to work and live in a country where they can have a proper future. While Australia does have some minor crime, it is no where as close to what South Africa experiences.

To see children riding their bikes to the park, woman walking their dogs alone at night, people running undisturbed on the beach in the early morning has been a huge eye opener for me - and who wouldn't want their children to grow up in a place like this?

 

So, for your father in law - as tough as it may be for him - he has to realise that you are not doing this to get away from them - but you are doing it for the future of your family. The recent problems in KZN and JHB with the looting has caused a lot of families to question their future (I know cause I have been asked a few times). 

 

While the initial move is going to cause tears on both sides, after a few months of getting settled and into a routine - you will all see the benefits and will you will ask yourself (like a-lot of us have already done) why you didn't move here sooner. 🙂 

 

All the best with the discussion and I do hope it goes well and he can see why you are wanting to make the move.

On the positive side, technology has really closed the gap of overseas travel and WhatsApp / Skype video calls will still ensure that your in-laws can still keep in contact. It just means they have to make some effort their side and they have to be happy and positive for you guys on this big move.

 

Cheers

FingersCrossed

[ChrisH]

Hi and welcome to the forum!  Congrats on getting the company transfer!

 

We didn't have resistance from family, but some friends had some strong opinions on it.  Funny enough the most vocal anti-immigration people are the first ones to reach out to ask how you did it every time sh!t hits the fan in ZA.

 

15 hours ago, PieterleRoux said:

My father in law has always been very vocal about people that leave SA

I think you'll have to just rip off the Band-Aid. If he reacts harshly I would suggest not getting into an argument about why South Africa has so much potential etc etc.

 

Your position on this must be that this is something that you and your wife have spent a lot of time thinking about and your minds are already made up. 

 

He will possibly play the fleeing your country card, but really it is something that all our forefathers did when they left Europe.

 

You'll probably have months left in South Africa and its pretty much up to him whether he cherishes every moment with your family or not.

 

Good luck, let us know how it goes.

[PieterleRoux]

Thank you FingersCrossed and ChrisH for the feedback. Much appreciated. 

 

Our motivation for this move is clear. My wife is even more excited about this move than I am so this will help a lot in our discussions. It's been coming for a time this move so this is not an impulsive emotional decision. I am hoping to keep my discussions on that level as well. 

 

Sadness is expected from all (us included), however I am a bit cautions for our discussion this weekend. But hey, perhaps I am overthinking it as well? 

 

Will give feedback on how our discussion went this Sunday 

 

PS: Brisbane bound 🙂

[PieterLouw]

Hi @PieterleRoux

 

Welcome. 

 

We were also anxious about the discussions with family a few months back, however they were very supportive in the end. 

 

Good luck with the discussion, and with the process as a whole.

 

How far in the visa/emigration process are you?

[ChrisH]

16 hours ago, PieterleRoux said:

PS: Brisbane bound

 

You'll love it here! 

[Nev]

HI Pieter

 

I own a company here in Auz with 20 staff (Microsoft system implementations - Spread all over the world- 3 in RSA), so if you have any company/related questions just shout.

 

As a side, when we were leaving 10 years ago i let everyone know i was looking into it then didnt say another word until the month before we left, i let people know it was a done deal, did all the goodbye's and we were gone.

 

There were a few people who were unpleasant with us, i tried to explain, then wrote them off if they stayed difficult, this unfortunately includes my eldest sister, not great at all, but i have to get on with my life, and i honestly have so much stress running a business, that i dont have the ability to have family stress as well, i basically told them that this is where we are at, doesnt matter if you understand it or not, get with the program or get out.

 

Everyone's situation is different, but this was the solution that worked for me,

 

We have had my sister and Wife's family out here tons though, Dad & sister each once, and her mom has been here for about 5x 3 month trips, they either support us or stay out of it, im happy with either, so we get to see them every once and a while to keep my Wife happy, and they get a sponsored holiday.

 

Hope you figure it out, feel free to bounce ideas

 

 

[ChrisH]

@PieterleRoux how did it go?

[PieterleRoux]

6 hours ago, ChrisH said:

@PieterleRoux how did it go?

 

Hi Chris,

 

Discussion did not happen. I came in contact with a colleague on Friday that had COVID symptoms. We are self isolating till we have his results (hopefully later today). Will most likely have it in the next week or two (depending on the test result). Luckily for them it was just a braai we did not attend, but for us we were hoping to get this off our chests. 

 

Another week or two of having the discussion in our thoughts and overthinking it. 🙂

 

Hoping my colleague does not have COVID so that we can have the discussion 

[ChrisH]

That sucks, hopefully you'll be able to tell them soon. 

[PieterleRoux]

So we had a braai this Saturday at the in-laws.

 

Tried to ease into breaking the news (yeah I know I am terrible at this). Both in-laws where not too resistant of our ambitions to move overseas. But as soon as I mentioned Australia my father in law laughed. Had to show me some videos and news articles of Australia (that "New World Order" video from NSW and the vaccine passport etc.) Tried to talk around this but he was getting too caught up in this so we backed off a bit. Informed him that we intend to still move there but I don't think the penny dropped with them yet on how serious we are about this move. Immigration has always been a topic discussed around the braai, and I've got this feeling that he thinks this is just a phase we are going through, especially after all the drama in RSA recently. 

 

My brother and sister in law where very supportive of our move. Spend some alone time with them as well to discuss our plans. I was pleasantly surprised at the support received from them.

 

Ironing out some smaller details with the work this week. This should give us better idea on possible timelines and other arrangements around our move 

[FingersCrossed]

Hi @PieterleRoux

 

Well at least you started the conversation. I wouldn't be surprised if your brother and sister in law have also thought about moving overseas. 🙂 I bet they will be the first to come and visit you here and then it won't be long before they are asking questions on how you got here and the process. Happens a lot of the time.

 

As for the news articles etc....well I personally always take that with a pinch of salt as I just find that the news sometimes likes to create drama (Suppose that is how they sell the news / get people to watch)....I think every country in the world is trying to figure out how to have a vaccine passport and since this is really new territory for a lot of countries - I expect there will be hiccups or small issues...but they will get sorted in time.

 

Good luck with ironing out the smaller details and hope it all goes well for you.

[PieterLouw]

Glad you could get passed this step.

 

We've also had great support from the majority of people we've told so far.

 

Good luck going forward.

[PieterleRoux]

Yeah, I also don't read to much into that type of news. 

 

We have a very clear goal on why we are making the move and these other factors will not have any influence. Almost time to get our 2nd vaccines so any talks of vaccine passport or requirement to be vaccinated to work does not affect me anyway. 

 

Just had a great meeting with the office in Australia (company I work for). Will be "moving" within the company. Extremely excited about this move, and about advancing my career in Australia. Taking one step down within the company, but I honestly feel like this is a huge step upwards 🙂

[ChrisH]

Well done on the progress, the fact that he has articles pretty much lined up and ready to go as soon as you mention certain countries means that he must suspect it already.

 

You should refer him to the fact that South Africa itself actually requires proof (call it a vaccine passport if you will) of a yellow fever vaccination. I particularly love this part:

South Africa considers a one-time dose of yellow fever vaccine (properly documented with an ICVP) to be good for the life of the traveler. Any traveler not meeting this requirement can be refused entry to South Africa or quarantined for up to 6 days. Travelers may also be vaccinated on entry.

 

Source

 

[Janti]

On 9/14/2021 at 10:05 AM, ChrisH said:

Well done on the progress, the fact that he has articles pretty much lined up and ready to go as soon as you mention certain countries means that he must suspect it already.

 

You should refer him to the fact that South Africa itself actually requires proof (call it a vaccine passport if you will) of a yellow fever vaccination. I particularly love this part:

South Africa considers a one-time dose of yellow fever vaccine (properly documented with an ICVP) to be good for the life of the traveler. Any traveler not meeting this requirement can be refused entry to South Africa or quarantined for up to 6 days. Travelers may also be vaccinated on entry.

 

Source

 

 

I found this rather humorous as well. I nearly got refused entry into Botswana because in was In Nigeria a few years back. I was on the border and my yellow fever booklet ("passport") was back in Cape Town. Thankfully my wife had a photo of it on her phone. 

 

[PieterleRoux]

Well almost weekend. Off to buy some beer for the braai tomorrow (luckily with new lockdown rules we can buy on Friday's)

 

Had a long chat with my youngest brother this week, and I was overwhelmed by the support and excitement from his side. Fully understand and supports us, but has requested a few extra braai's before we leave. 

 

* Any members on the forum that stay in Springfield, Brisbane? Our offices will be in Wacol, Brisbane 

 

 

[Janti]

I don't stay in Springfield, but it got hit by a nasty hail storm recently. Apparently, a lot of the damage is still to be repaired resulting in people renting undamaged homes in the locality while theirs's is getting fixed. It's created a bit of supply issue. Otherwise, I haven't heard anything bad. Australians in general put up with a lot less than South Africans. If a neighbourhood has a single break-in it's vilified (exaggerating), and I think Springfield suffers a bit from this. 

[PieterleRoux]

Had a very good sit down on Saturday. Lots of questions were asked (which I think is a good thing) and we openly discussed why, what, where and hopefully when we plan to move. The support is there and there is happiness about the future for the grandkids. 

 

Australia in the news the past few weeks did make for a few comments in our discussion 🙂 but nothing to serious. Father-in-law did raise the new tax law and his concern on our move and the impact this might have. (Very valid concern). 

 

* My work will provide us with housing for the 1st 2 months so this will allow us to familiarize ourselves with the neighborhoods and daily commutes. Will perhaps jump over to a Brisbane thread for area specific questions 

[ChrisH]

I'm so happy to hear that the weight has been lifted off your shoulders.  Immigration in itself is hard enough without resistance from friends and family.

 

Was he talking about the SARS tax law that makes financial immigration harder?  I'm in Brisbane so feel free to open up a Brisbane thread or you can even send me a direct message if you want.

[PieterleRoux]

Yes was referring about SARS tax law on South Africans that work abroad. Luckily this has been on our minds a lot and I've done quite some research on it so could have a nice talk about it. It does help that he is a CA so he had some valid points which will be helpful in our planning.

 

Our plan was from the beginning to leave no assets in SA. (Vêr van jou goed, naby aan jou skade) A lot that needs to happen. Getting to the point now where there is still so much to do, yet I just want to get on the plane to Aus. 

 

Some of my family this weekend, then all immediate family will be informed about our pending move 

[PieterleRoux]

So we finally managed to have the discussion with the family on our pending move to Australia.

 

Mixed emotions but majority were sad but supportive. This however is a process and people take a while to process it. We've been in the process for some time now and this move is part of our everyday. So it came as a shock to most, but after a day or two of processing it most came around. Some support has been overwhelming.

 

But... Some family members on my wife's side not too happy about the move. She stopped for coffee yesterday and was asked to leave. Will give them some more time to process us moving away. It almost seems like this news will go through the 5 stages of grief for some of our family and those on the wife's side is currently on the anger. 

 

This process can get draining, and I must be honest although I am fine, I am not 100% sure how to best support my wife during it. Making the move is a lot one ones system, adding difficult family members adds to this. Any advise on how best to handle/support her during this time? 

[ChrisH]

Its good to hear that it went well for the most part.

 

Who knows why people respond like that, all I can say is that you guys should try to spend as much quality time as possible with the friends and family that supports you during this move.

The ones that are acting like toddlers will soon realise they are actually losing out on your last moments together in South Africa.

[CyberJoe]

All the best @PieterleRoux, it is definitely a wild ride!! We had a few people upset because we left and honestly I cant even remember who or what caused the fuss. Once you leave you have to rebuild your whole life, job shopping, suburb exploration and meeting a ton of new people. We made sure to call back home regularly and after a while it was clear who wanted to stay in touch and who did not. No different than when we changed to a new suburb, switched jobs etc in RSA and we treated it as such. Have fun, make memories with the ones you love before you leave and do you best to mend it with the people who are upset. If they want to stay upset... so be it, not like they are really interested in supporting you in your endeavors.

[PieterleRoux]

Thanks again everybody... 

 

Had a few tough discussions over the last few weeks. 

 

Then, a very close call yesterday just reminded us again about one of the reasons we decided to make the move. 

 

https://rekord.co.za/393732/bystander-shot-killed-in-armed-robbery-at-centurion-mall/