Keep your hopes up

[muzzmegs]

We had our 189 visa approved today.

 

Please don’t congratulate us.

 

Yes we worked hard and put some effort in in order to lodge the skills assessment and the ultimate visa application. But a lot was dependent on a privileged position we found ourselves in. Fortunately our folks were able to support us by way of a partial temp loan for all the expenses incurred during the application process. Not many people are in this position as we count ourselves very luck and extremely fortunate.

 

Sometimes family staying behind is the reason for your new start abroad. We cannot forget this fact, nor will we take for granted our relatives which we will leave behind. 

[RYLC]

Actually I think that you'll find that we do congratulate you for getting your golden ticket!  It is an achievement worth celebrating. You and your wife made this happen no matter where the resources came from. The gap between a temporary loan and your golden ticket is the two of you. Nobody else got those degrees and filled in the forms for you both.

 

I get the impression from your posts that not having the full support of all your family is weighing heavily on you. Time to reignite the passion you had about the move that you posted around a year ago. Embrace your new adventure because migration is hard enough as a process even when all parties are fully committed and only looking forward. 

 

On 04/04/2017 at 5:45 PM, muzzmegs said:

We are stupidly excited to go!

 

It is possible to compartmentalise  feelings of how happy and relieved you feel to get it (nothing like the pajama dance when you get the news) and in a separate compartment feel the pain and regret of leaving loved ones.  I am speaking from experience: I left while my mother had cancer without knowing whether I would see her alive again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[muzzmegs]

Thanks RYLC. You hit the nail on the head. We don't have the full support of all of our family. My side do not believe that the move will be a good idea. They are looking at it from a family perspective. That they will not get to know our 10 month old daughter grow up and blaming my wife's side as they initially planted the seed. I just got off the phone with my mother after informing her that the visa has been granted. It wasn't pleasant.

 

A door has finally opened now where so many have closed in our faces while living in SA. I need to see what's behind this door.

[Ta2Bryan]

Well here's a congratulations anyway! 

When my wife's family gave us uphill on our decision to immigrate I just told them that they have had opportunities to better their children's lives, and made those decisions. Our opportunities are outside of SA.

You're young enough to make the decision to come home if you decide later, but you have this window so take it.

 

Good luck with the move!

[RYLC]

Sorry to hear that @muzzmegs. All you can do is keep the faith on the path for your best future. There is a part of me that does see a level of selfishness from your family (sorry if that sounds harsh). They are comfortable with how things are and people inherently dislike change that makes them feel uncomfortable.  You'll possibly see it with your friends too.  Your moving makes them have to look at and question their own futures.  Many Saffas live like ostriches in the sand so we migrants have to be kind but thick skinned to their negativity. Remember that they are entitled to their feelings but that you are not responsible for them. They choose their feelings/mood and you get to choose yours. Choose excitement as much as possible from now on. My main tip would be to tell your family as little as possible while they are not in the same headspace as you. Not in a nasty way but in a "sparing their feelings" way.  Like all change in life, they will get used to it and adjust eventually. Take care.

Edited April 20, 2018 by RYLC

[SimpleSimon]

In 1st world countries around the world people move for adventure, career, climate, meet new people and so on. South African approach is weird and very self-absorbed - “how can you do this to me?”

 

I think when you get to Australia you’ll see that it’s just another place you choose to inhabit for a while and then who knows what? It’s only a 15 hour flight away with instantaneous Skype. You’re not going to mars (well maybe Marsfield).

[RedPanda]

From our experience and that of friends, I think it makes a massive difference if you are the first of your social circle or family group to emigrate. Also whether or not the family that stays behind is used to international travel. I'm surprised how many South Africans still think Going Overseas= Falling off the Earth.

If people want to keep in contact it's been made tremendously easy these days. Skype or FaceTime gives you free video calls anywhere in the world (using existing wi-fi), this means that grandparents can read stories to little ones, grownups can share their days, and people can still sing to you on your birthday! [my husband's family have an absolute tradition of group calling the birthday person and singing to them  ] It just takes willingness from both parties.

The difference between leaving Australia for the USA, for adventure, and leaving South Africa for Australia, is that in the first case there is nothing wrong at home and those who stay behind are fine and safe and their lives go on. In the second scenario...almost all of the people who leave South Africa do it for a combination of: non-racist employment policies, freedom from violence, better earning capacity, better internationally accepted education, maintained infrastructure. This means the picture for the ones left behind is not rosy. That's why it hurts, both ways. The important thing to remember is that life goes forward not back, take care of your children.

[SimpleSimon]

When we emigrated it took us 35 hours to fly to Melbourne via Hong Kong with a 1 year old child because there were no direct flights. Boy that was fun. We communicated by letters and the occasional very expensive phone call.

 

in our day things we had it tough (apologies to Monte Python). We were told that we were part of the chicken run despite having spent time on the border defending the country. Things haven’t changed.

 

When we went back a year ago it was like entering a time warp. Our friends hadn’t progressed from when we left but boy have we grown. Misery loves company.

Edited April 21, 2018 by SimpleSimon

[ottg]

On 4/20/2018 at 4:35 AM, muzzmegs said:

nor will we take for granted our relatives which we will leave behind

 

It puts you in a position to later sponsor relatives to immigrate too, which wasn't possible if you didn't do the initial effort.

The next step is equally difficult, now with the barriers removed to actually do migrate. Often the emotional pain for some is just too big and they elapse their visa.

Will keep thumbs

[iambrettstar]

On 4/21/2018 at 9:56 AM, RedPanda said:

take care of your children.

 

100% this!

[muzzmegs]

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and messages of support. I know that we are doing the right thing.. others need to try accept and move on.