Jump to content

Newbie. Mate :-)


Gdzilr

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone.

Just an introduction from my side and a little background as to why I am posting this. Like everybody on the forum, I too decided to pull the rip cord and move on to other (not necessarily greener) pastures although I hope it's going to be greener.

My name is Hannes and myself and Joanne are getting married on 12 April 2014. We're both in our very early 30's. We've been together for about 8 years or so and we got engaged 2 years ago. I've been pushing to move to Australia for a good couple of years - since Joanne's sister moved to Australia which was roughly in 2008. Her now husband's family went over and naturally she went with him. I've been pushing and Joanne's been pulling back because of friends and family. I've been biting my lip for quite a while about moving and I had to wait for the right time to bring it up again.

A mate of mine decided one day to do it - he's flying on 21 January 2014. I mentioned this to Joanne and never spoke of it again. Just before Christmas, while being on leave, I was doing the odd job around the house - like sanding and oiling our patio set. After a week's sanding, I was proper tired and had to go to the shop to buy meat for the next day's Christmas function with friends. So off I go. Long story short, a taxi driver (metered cab) was parked in the middle of the driveway, in the shopping centre's underground parking. Being Christmas, you grab the first parking you find - otherwise you get nothing. Those of you who have spent some time in Sandton over this period will know. Anyway, so I battle to get into the parking because said sir refuses to move. I made it in - because I passed my drivers test unlike him and as I walk away from my car, I ask the guy why he has to park in the middle of the road when there is plenty of space to park - not necessarily parking, but there where people and cars can pass with no issue. This guy then proceeds to swear at me and he was busy getting out of his car - probably to assault me. Being tired and properly annoyed after a week's sanding, I walked up to him and told him his fortune - I may not repeat here what I said. He got back into his car and put his safety belt back on...

So over Christmas we have a chat to my parents. Out of the blue Joanne starts talking about Australia. I didn't say much. I've had this conversation with my parents. So Joanne tells them we're thinking of going over and she asked them how they feel about it, etc. Years ago when I had this conversation, I wasn't their most popular child. My sister and her brand new husband at the time told me I'm going insane. So while the conversation is flowing, my parents starts telling us that they will also go - they do work for the government this side so you can understand their frustration and my sister and her husband also started talking about going. Hello??

The last day of 2013 I meet Joanne for lunch. She was working through the holiday period. Afterwards, I pop into a shopping centre in Morningside on the way home. For those of you who don't know, Morningside is a posh suburb in Sandton. Anyway, so as I walk onto Pick 'n Pay, there are two ladies by the trolleys. One has a trolley and now they're having an argument about sharing a trolley. As I'm about to take one, the one who doesn't have a trolley grabs it from me, looks back and says sorry. I keep quiet and they carry on with their argument. So the first chance I got, I take a trolley and as I walk away, I said to myself - loud enough for them to hear that they need to decide what they want to do. So the one who took the trolley from me starts walking after me, swearing like a trooper. Again, not something I can repeat here. So I turn around, tell her what I said and told her where to get off, turn around and walk away. Again, she starts walking after me and I could hear she is right behind me. By now a crowd has formed and as I turn the corner, she slaps me on the back of the head... Immediately I'm revved up like it's nobody's business.

Keep in mind, when I moved to Jo'burg from the Vaal, I had great expectations. A rubbish boss screwed everything for me and I decided to look for something else. I was looking for a job for 27 months and got nothing because of rubbish like BEE. As a white male, you get nothing. The ANC has been in charge for 20 years and they still claim apartheid and being previously disadvantaged whilst myself and 29.9% of people in this country are tax payers and carry the whole of the country and our president spends hundreds of millions on improving his house and beef up security - where in your life have you seen a president spending that amount of money because of crime, instead of doing something about crime? All this while eating up everything my boss could throw at me. He started with his MBA and naturally had me do his work for him whilst earning top dollar and taking all the credit.

So when this woman thing hit me, I saw red. Luckily I kept my cool and didn't break her face like I wanted to. The manager jumped in and told us to walk away. She starts screaming and shouting and telling me they don't need us white people in this country... And then the racial remarks started flowing from her trap like the river Nile. Another guy - kudos to him for not doing what everybody else does jumped in and told her where to get off. So we walk away. Managers came to talk to me and we end up talking to the owner of the shop - it's a franchise store, not a Hypermarket. He told them to get out of his shop because when he confronted them, the racial remarks started flowing again. As I walk out, she's on the phone with someone about this whole thing so before it got worse, I decided to get out of the area. I work for a company that pays us to have our cars branded - so I had to make a run for it like a champion before she sees the branding and makes drama for me at work. Worst is, I was innocent and I didn't expect this to happen in such an upmarket suburb. Maybe I was slightly annoyed because that's how we are here.. It's one big rat race!

I phoned Joanne, told her about it and said I'm tapping out. It's time to leave. Later that afternoon we had a chat and I told her I'm moving to Australia. I want her to come with but she must know I feel strongly enough about it to go on my own if she doesn't want to come with.

So we're in the beginning phase of the move. It's still exciting, but reality is starting to creep in and I'm going to have my hands full keeping Joanne happy. Her biggest thing is friends and family. She wants us to start with a family soon and my biggest argument is we have to make a life for ourselves. We can't stay on account of other people - where were they when I was in trouble? Tell them about it and they all get in a huff, but that's the end of it. If we stay on account of others, what happens if it's too late for us to go over? We'll be stuck! I'm not a family oriented person. I see my parents as and when and don't get me wrong, we have a good relationship. We used to work together so our dynamic is different. My sister and I rarely talk. We could never get along. There's a 7 year age gap between us and we are from 2 different generations. She's happy to be at home and do nothing. I on the other hand always have some form of toy to keep myself busy with be it a motorbike, radio control car or whatever. I've done a little bit of everything - racing, skydiving, golf, you name it!

I' m not expecting the world. The first thing I told Joanne is we want to go. We are going. We need to pitch up there and say "Here we are! How does this work?" instead of saying "Here we are! Entertain us". We go with open minds and we go to fit in and then we make a life for ourselves.

I have 13 years' experience in training. I started in the meat industry so I have that as a skillset and as part of that, I got into Human Resources. I currently work for a consulting firm and we focus on Industrial Relations, Human Resources, Transformation, Recruitment and Training. I have just been promoted to Group Training Quality Manager and I am responsible for the day-to-day running of the training department for 13 branches. I do not have a degree, but I am making work of that as soon as I am back at work on Monday.

Joanne has been working for an international bank for the last 6 years in the trade finance department. The bank has a branch in Sydney. We have started asking questions on getting her transferred to the Sydney branch. It may well be our easiest bet at this stage.

We own property which is being rented out and we are in the process of buying a house for us to live in. Depending on how long the process is going to take, we may end up buying the place and then renting it out. Joanne's dad owns a few properties that he rents out, so we will have someone to look after the place. But let's see what the process it like and then take it from there.

Things are getting bad here. Joanne has been smashed and grabbed twice since she moved to Jo'burg. Apart from that, we have been very fortunate but I am not sitting around until a gun is held to my head and then frantically start making plans to go over. I think I have received my sign.

I'm tired. I'm stressed and I'm young. I cannot go on like this. I swear from the moment I get in my car until I get out and then at work. Taxis do not abide by the law. At all. They do as they please and I am sick and tired of the lawlessness. Now we have e-toll to fund the government even more. We pay tax on roughly every 97 cents out of each Rand. Our currency is worthless and it all going for a ball of crap! Our relationships are taking strain because we're all on the edge. Waiting for something to go down. When something does go down, other people are happy for the spectator value and then to walk away and being glad it didn't happen to them.

I'm not being black-hearted about South Africa. It's a nice place to live in, but the only difference between this place and Zimbabwe is that we are going where Zim is... I don't even go on holiday here. Everybody caters for the tourists and they charge top dollar because it's a dog eat dog world out here.

This was quite a read but I'm hoping it was a decent introduction. I'm looking forward to putting a shrimp on the barbie (do you really do that?) with some of you. Until then we have Joanne's sister to help us out with info and I'm sure what she doesn't know, I can find out from here.

Hannes

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shoo that is quite a story. Welcome to tye forum Hannes and all the best for the road ahead.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shoo that is quite a story. Welcome to tye forum Hannes and all the best for the road ahead.

Thank for the welcome! Yeah, quite story, but I'm sure others have similar stories. Anyway, I'm pushing hard to go.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Hannes

Seems like you have had quite a time so far. In many ways my hubby and I feel the same. There is no guarantee that the Pastures will be greener but we too are keen to make the move, be open minded and give it our all. Good Luck with your plans! (wedding and immigrating) :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Hannes

Seems like you have had quite a time so far. In many ways my hubby and I feel the same. There is no guarantee that the Pastures will be greener but we too are keen to make the move, be open minded and give it our all. Good Luck with your plans! (wedding and immigrating) :)

It's getting tougher and tougher to be white in SA. Promotions and jobs are not for you. Sorry. I work hard. I basically managed a R5M business with little to no help. The company bought out a competitor and my work increased overnight. I made a whopping success of it. My promotion speaks for itself. I plan to put the same amount of effort into any job in Australia so I am guaranteed to make a success. I take my work very personal so the world is my oyster.

I think if we're all honest and call a spade a spade, most of us feel the same way - even those who are not keen on moving so I have sympathy for you.

Agreed. Life may be easier over there. Or tougher. Who knows? We work hard so no issues there. The tough part is not having a support structure. Also, just the thought of being so far away is daunting. I am starting to think about the implications - good and bad and it's scary. But think about this: You move 1000km from everybody you know. Say from JHB to CT. It's the same thing. The only difference is distance. You may see family and friends the same amount of time being in Australia or Cape Town. So the mind is a powerful thing.

I'm slightly scared and excited about what's lying ahead - marriage- and move wise but let's see. Only one way to find out!

Good luck fighting with your demons! Here's hoping that we could have a barbecue in our new country soon :-)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Hannes, I hope everything works out for you and good luck with the wedding plans as well. It is a very tough decision to make believe me. My questions to myself was: hhat future does my 2 year old son have in South Africa and what will it cost to give him an 'ok' future in South Africa? What future does my son have in Australia?

Thanks for sharing your story. Good luck with the process and this forum is full of great people who have great advise. We are using an agent to make things easier, their name is Migrate2oz very good and lots of people on this forum use them. Call them for an assessment and advise. It will be worth it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Something I've said before (I also have a very reluctant other-half): when one person refuses to move, they are forcing the other person to stay, which is taking away their choice as well. For those of us who feel the call to go, it's really hard when the most important Other in your life just can't or won't see it.

We are now planning our look-see-decide trip. I have SO many cousins over there which is hopefully a good thing :) We don't have a support structure here. We have in-laws close by, but proximity doesn't equal support.

Good luck with everything!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Hannes, I hope everything works out for you and good luck with the wedding plans as well. It is a very tough decision to make believe me. My questions to myself was: hhat future does my 2 year old son have in South Africa and what will it cost to give him an 'ok' future in South Africa? What future does my son have in Australia?

Thanks for sharing your story. Good luck with the process and this forum is full of great people who have great advise. We are using an agent to make things easier, their name is Migrate2oz very good and lots of people on this forum use them. Call them for an assessment and advise. It will be worth it.

Thanx for the wishes :-)

Agreed. Super tough, but it's a choice that has to be made sooner or later by anybody who can see where things are going in SA. I have no dependents and I am not keen on starting a family if I can't somehow make sure that my kids will have a future worth having. Australia is not going to guarantee that future, but we have to play the odds and see where things come out.

We will be sitting tonight to discuss what exactly it is that we want/want to do and we'll draw up a list of the pros and cons of moving and staying. It will give us a clear measurement of where we should be applying our focus - SA or Australia.

For now, we will find out what the procedure is if Joanne gets a transfer. We may be very fortunate since it may be slightly easier to go over that way.

Good luck fighting your demons and here's hoping for a speedy process. Thank for the advice on the agent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Something I've said before (I also have a very reluctant other-half): when one person refuses to move, they are forcing the other person to stay, which is taking away their choice as well. For those of us who feel the call to go, it's really hard when the most important Other in your life just can't or won't see it.

We are now planning our look-see-decide trip. I have SO many cousins over there which is hopefully a good thing :) We don't have a support structure here. We have in-laws close by, but proximity doesn't equal support.

Good luck with everything!

Agreed! On the other hand, those who wants to go could eventually force the ones who doesn't want to go into doing something he/she doesn't want to do. The knife cuts both ways. I think that's where we have to be mature about this, state our case and hear the other side. This way everything gets put on paper and the best way forward gets decided on. The trick is to keep each individual's thoughts and feelings in mind and think of what's best for the unit i.e the family.

The way I see it is we have a false sense of support from friends and family because they are close to us. How many of your people do you see on a regular basis? My cousin stays a few suburbs from me, I've been in Jo'burg for three and a half years and I last saw him when I stayed in the Vaal. In your case, your cousins stay over there and it may well bring you closer together because that is all you have, especially in the initial stages of the move.

Good luck on your trip! I hope you can get to do the right thing - that works for you and your family!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@gdzlir-welcome to the forum. We set out to get the visa and give us a back door as we can still stay in rsa for 5 yrs. Well the further we have come and we are nearly at the final stage, the more urgent we feel it is to just go. Good luck and shout if you need any help.Everyone on here is awesome.

@darbia- the grass may not be greener but I hear that at least the mow the lawns.... :-)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow! The responses are great! I expected most people to read my story and move along - like any other forum... So thanks for the input!

Just an update: We sat down last night and had a good long chat about everything. We made a list of the pros and cons for both going and staying. Between the two of us, we had more or less the same number of pros and cons for going. I look at the bigger picture and Joanne looks at the smaller things so we make a great team. We had a few personal things in the cons list that made the number grow, but those are not necessarily major things. When we did the same exercise for staying, we realized that it's a no-brainier. The cons outweigh the pros by far!! And we added a lot of wishy washy things to the pros list to make it look like something at least...

So in principle we decided to go. When? Not 100% sure but we have taken the most important step - the first one. Nobody could walk if if wasn't for that first step. I'm still doing research and we're waiting for people at Joanne's work to come back from leave so we can find out what the setup is to get a transfer.

Of all the things we discussed, I'd say the economy, corruption, crime, racism/victimisation, taxis/taxi drivers and education were the biggest deciding factors.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We were under the impression that the bank Joanne works for only has a small branch in Sydney that does only the basics in terms of bringing in business with no actual processes like they have here. Turns out that they have a fully fledged branch over there!! That's great news because it may well be the easiest way to go over.

I did a quick Google search but came up with nothing. Does anybody know how what the process is for getting transferred? Obviously the bank will have to do most of the admin, but what would we be responsible for? I suppose it depends on them what they are willing to do, but I am looking to do some research in general.

Any input would be appreciated.

Over and out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gdzilr, it will depend on the company's policies. I worked for a Global company and stayed there far longer than I wanted to, thinking that if my dear hubby ever did change his mind, I could simply transfer to an office in Aus. That turned out not to be the case as they changed their policy the last year I was there.

When they did let people do that, though, they made it clear that all costs would be for the employees account unless they request that you move offices. Does the bank she works for have an intranet, as they usually have all company policies available on that.

I completely agree in that we all need to hear and consider each other's viewpoint, I just meant in most cases the people refusing to go don't realise that they are in effect also taking away the other person's choice. :)

We didn't ever sit and make a list of pros and cons (nice idea), but my hubby is also getting gatvol of the things you mention. The headlines concerning kids are also just horrific. I honestly just cry all the way home some days. I don't know how people deal with all this, day in and day out.

Maybe Joanne can go sit with someone in HR and have a confidential conversation about her options, they will know company policies inside out, so are probably best placed to help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wanted to add: my mom came to live with us last year after she sold her house after my dad passed away. Before then we'd see her and my brother (who she lived with previously) maybe twice a year. My mom has now gone over to the UK to help my sister as she had surgery in November.

Since my mom moved up with us, we've seen my brother once (he lives in natal).

I have cousins here to, but they all live about 45mins away. We see them more often than I see my brother, but they're not close enough to babysit/pitch in and that kind of stuff.

My in-laws live about 5mins away but have told us not to ask for help unless it's an emergency. So we see them every week, but I wouldn't call them a support system. ;)

So how many of my people do I see on a regular basis? depends. What's considered "my people", and what's considered "regular" :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gdzilr, it will depend on the company's policies. I worked for a Global company and stayed there far longer than I wanted to, thinking that if my dear hubby ever did change his mind, I could simply transfer to an office in Aus. That turned out not to be the case as they changed their policy the last year I was there.

When they did let people do that, though, they made it clear that all costs would be for the employees account unless they request that you move offices. Does the bank she works for have an intranet, as they usually have all company policies available on that.

I completely agree in that we all need to hear and consider each other's viewpoint, I just meant in most cases the people refusing to go don't realise that they are in effect also taking away the other person's choice. :)

We didn't ever sit and make a list of pros and cons (nice idea), but my hubby is also getting gatvol of the things you mention. The headlines concerning kids are also just horrific. I honestly just cry all the way home some days. I don't know how people deal with all this, day in and day out.

Maybe Joanne can go sit with someone in HR and have a confidential conversation about her options, they will know company policies inside out, so are probably best placed to help.

Wanted to add: my mom came to live with us last year after she sold her house after my dad passed away. Before then we'd see her and my brother (who she lived with previously) maybe twice a year. My mom has now gone over to the UK to help my sister as she had surgery in November.

Since my mom moved up with us, we've seen my brother once (he lives in natal).

I have cousins here to, but they all live about 45mins away. We see them more often than I see my brother, but they're not close enough to babysit/pitch in and that kind of stuff.

My in-laws live about 5mins away but have told us not to ask for help unless it's an emergency. So we see them every week, but I wouldn't call them a support system. ;)

So how many of my people do I see on a regular basis? depends. What's considered "my people", and what's considered "regular" :D

As far as I know there is no intranet but we're waiting for the head of operations to get back from leave. She will then have a conversation with him. She is also slightly annoyed with the unfairness in the organization, but it's now an isolated thing. It happens everywhere. The HR manager is relatively new so we're not sure how much she knows. I also think it will be the first time someone will have that discussion. It's a Chinese bank, so there's plenty movement between SA and China, but not to Australia. But let's see.

We are not about to get on a plane so there is some time to scrape cash together to move so if it had to come to that, it won't take forever to have the cash to move.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Cool, hope the ops manager is back soon and you can find some answers to give a clear picture of your options.

Best of luck :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's quite a story. Welcome to the forum!

Wish you all the best with everything - marriage, migration, staying sane before you leave.... :)

Cheers!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome to the forum!

You describe the current frustration here in SA (especially Johannesburg) so accurately. Everything is going south (pardon the pun). People drive like maniacs (and everybody does it these day, not only the taxis) I feel stressed out all the time. People are rude, irritated and has no time for eachother. If you are a white male you can forget about promotion or even finding a decent new job. I am sorry to say, but this country is doomed if it stays on the current course. All seems fine on the surface (when looking at areas like Sandton etc) but beneath that surface everything is rotting away at an alarming rate...

I cannot wait to get on that flight in July ... one way.

Good luck with your application! Keep us updated!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...