Back to Oz - second chance

[RosFam]

Hi all

I thought I would put this post out there and see if anyone has anything to contribute. I would like to hear from people who have left Oz to come back to SA, and then decided that SA was not a place they could live in anymore, and decided to go back ? While I was in Sydney I heard many stories of families who had left and come back a few times. Is this something that happens and under what circumstances would it be wise to not try again and return for round two.

Thanks all

[haydeeb]

Happens regularly amongst the Poms in Oz group, so shouldn't see why the Sa/Oz situation is different.

[rozellem]

I see to read a lot of these stories lately. We personally dont know anyone who has gone back to RSA, but my sister is now doing this after 12 years in the UK. I am bracing myself for the reality check there.......

May I ask, where did u live in Sydney? Where did you commute to for work? I saw you describing Sydney as a rat race and cant really associate with the description. My husband pulls up on his scooter at 5pm and plays/baths the kids, we camp, we go to the beach, have loads of picnics, we mountain bike from our front door, we have had lovely neighbours and street parties in all the streets we have lived (5). Maybe we have just been lucky in the last almost 5 years here.

[RosFam]

I have heard of a number of people coming back from Oz after prolonged periods there. I guess its naturally , not everyone will find what they were looking for in oz.

Roz, yor life souonds well setup and established and we werent able to do that granted we didnt really give it long enough. I was working at Sydney Olympic park , when I had work, and my wife was working inthe city, when she had work. We stayed in Rosevillle/ Chatswood so it was closeish to the city. We were thinking about moving to St Ives to be with more Saffers and have some familiarity but could get our heads around the commute and the amount of time our kids would have been in daycare.

If we could have had somerhing similar to you , we would not have left. Frenchs Forest was around teh corner from us , where do you guys work ?

[elleneo]

If I could offer some advice...

The problem with st ives is that it doesn't have a train station..so adds extra time to your commute as you have to bus it to the station, usless you savvy up like Rozelle's hubby and get a scooter.

We live in Turramurra (moving to Pymble soon) hubby works in Chatswood, I work in Lindfield ( love say that..I work in part woohooo)...and door to door ( hubby walks to the station) its 40 minutes commute.

There are many many saffers all over the northshore, so I wouldn't worry there. You put yourself out there and you will meet people, get a hobby, hell even walking to the park you meet people...then there is always the forum, ask who would meet up for coffee.

At the end of the day you have to balance the balls of life so to speak, we rather pay more rent and live in an old house so we can have a short commute to work, live near a good affordable school, pretty suburb etc

Perhaps hunting for work in Chatswood and the north shore is a better bet, for at least one of you? Also part-time work for us mums is fantastic, 3 days a week then you don't pay through your neck for daycare, perhaps a cheaper rental so wife doesn't have to work till kids are in school. The right job will come, you just have to keep the faith and keep looking.

I know its hard but over time you can make it work, soon you will be enjoying everything Sydney has to offer. I can understand you feeling that rat-race if you lived in so close to the cbd..Roseville is beautiful but busy busy ...change your gameplan, you luckier than most as now you at least know what you don't want and have some oz life-experience.

good luck with your decisions and I hope we helped you somehow or at least gave you food for thought...

[RosFam]

Hi Elleneo,

Thanks for the advice - I am always glad when someone else offers a different perspective on it all. I agree with you on St Ives and could not get our head around moving there for this reason, and the fact that my wife would probably be working in the city.We have 2 little ones and the stress involved in logistically meeting the requirements would have been huge. We heard that St Ives had a large saffer communicator and that St Ives north was a great scoolk for our daughter.

We stayed in Roseville because of the location and in the end we loved it. It was quiet when it should have been , we lived around the corner from a great a great park but the rent was kinda pricey

I know you are right about enjoying sydney, but when we were there it was difficult to get out of the stressed mindset we were in,and not being able to see the light out the end of the tunnel. When we left I found myself starting to become more comfortable being in Oz, but the lack of work for me , was a deal breaker.

Thanks for the good words, in my heart I know we both want to be there , we just have to get the courage up to come and do it again. VISA's are up soon , so its now or never for us I am afraid.

[rozellem]

(I misplaced this post for a bit)

Ros, I know its difficult to move when you are older (I'm 40 next week!). Settling does not happen over night, or even the first year. End Nov we would have been here for 5 years and we bought our own house after 4.5 years, that has made a big difference to feeling settled (I'm a Libra....). When I think back to the first year, I could not find my own arse with both hands. We arrived with 15 boxes, slept on a inflatable mattress that kept getting punctures in the middle of the night, we did not have a car for the first 8 months, our TV was on a upturned box for two years, etc, etc. Who cares about those details, we had made the decision to make it work and had the long term vision to make this our last and final destination. No turning back. We dont see a future for us in South Africa, never mind our kids. I said I did not know of anybody going back, on second thought, I have heard of 2 families that left for RSA, but they only did so after obtaining Aus passports, because they are big enough to know that it is a sinking ship.

As to your question, my husband works in the CBD and I work from home (part time) and my 2yr old goes to care for one day and my 3yr old goes for 2 days. So, I have pretty much made a decision to stay at home with them till they go to school. Both their "schools" are within walking distance from home, as well as their future primary school. We like to keep things local. I only recently heard one of the 'rules' of immigration is to go live where you want to settle. We did not do that and lived in (and loved) the Inner West till a year ago. The move across town threw me more than expected, but its difficult to pick an area without really knowing if it suits you. Good luck with your journey.

[OzzieWishes]

I'm living in WA - have you considered looking at other areas? But, it does take time to settle. for some it's harder than others. My husband still "verlangs" but I have settled well. We have just moved into our own home which has made a huge difference. I made a point of having play dates and helping other moms as much as I could and now we have a wonderful network of moms who help where family once filled the roll in SA. It's helped my husband to not look at the big picture. One step at a time and to focus on why you left and not what you left. It's incredibly difficult - luckily I can box my emotions so I haven't allowed myself to think about what I'm missing. I have worked part time for 6 months and am about to embark on full time work for 1 term to see how it goes. This has allowed the kids to settle and me to get everything sorted but still earn some money. I think the hardest emotion is feeling out of control. But it does come together. Time, time, time - you must remember that any loss takes time to deal with and there are emotions that have to be dealt with. Immigration is akin to losing a loved one in terms of the stress and loss you have to contend with. The best "advice" (don't like that word - it appears patronising) I can offer, is to take it bit by bit if you come back. Try and meet people and don't hesitate to extend yourself - it's hard when you're not in a good place, but it helps to establish a network of trusted friends. Good luck with your decision. It is incredibly daunting. Leap of faith and see where it leads you!

[RosFam]

Hey Ozziewishes,

Thanks for the excellent and practical advice. Most people said to me it would be harder to leave Oz than it was to come in the first place, and I think that is true to some extent. I also think one step at a time and not getting ahead of yourself is also a good point , physical burnout is a reality with a move like this , especially if coming with no work and kids. We had some emotional issues while we there and had lots of trouble letting go of the life we had here and predictability of things, which in turn did not work in our favor.

Now we are faced with the daunting task of doing it all over and making plans to do so. At least this time we will know what we are in for, which I am sure will help us along the way somewhat. Its feels so close for us but yet so far at the moment. Frustrating really....

I like the the leap of faith bit.

We tried to consider other places but we have lots of family in Sydney so it made the most sense to go there. Maybe that needs to looked at a little more closely.

[Guest May]

Vasbyt. Its tough I have now cleaned in every capacity (bond, domestic and age care) since May. Dont expect to hear from anymore agents in Brisbane so I am going to call up companies in Perth when I get there and sell myself! Its either that or persuade my husband back to Sydney into IT.

[RosFam]

Hey May,

I know this might be a weird question to ask , but how do you keep the smile on your face and keep on trying ? I am not sure of your circumstance and what kind of work you and your hubby held in SA , but doesn't the reality of your situation begin to erode your confidence about future work prospects ? The reason I ask is because I lost faith in the future in Oz because of work, and am back in SA because of work opps. Not really where I would like to be , but being unemployed in dollars wasnt something I could have stomached for long.

-A

[Totoro]

Hi RozelleM. Het jou probeer PM, maar geen sukses. Ek bly al vir die laaste 7 jaar in sydney en het net raak gelees dat jy dit so geniet het om in die inner west te bly. Mag ek vra waar in die inner west is dit so lekker?

[rozellem]

Hi RozelleM. Het jou probeer PM, maar geen sukses. Ek bly al vir die laaste 7 jaar in sydney en het net raak gelees dat jy dit so geniet het om in die inner west te bly. Mag ek vra waar in die inner west is dit so lekker?

Skuus, inbox was vol (nou skoon), probeer weer asb. Ons was eers in Balmain en toe Drummoyne. Snik....

[Guest May]

In SA I was in Finance and Henry in IT earning good money with modest house and cars paid off.

Here we are cleaning and living hand to mouth praying that 2014 and Perth will have the answers to our prayers. Hopefully Perth is our second chance. At least to see some familiar faces to network and give support.

Edited October 20, 2013 by May

[origincanada]

Hi, I generally never write on any forums as there always seems to be some "clever" people who attack comments. I was reading this thread and just wanted to briefly write my experience which is quite different to some discussed above. So in order , I never even visited Australia before I arrived here (now just over 5 years ago) , just arrived fresh off the plane. 1 advantage I had was I had a job before I left SA. I am still at that company which is is full of all nationalities. I can honestly say I have never ever been subject to ridicule or bullying of any form. In fact I found the environment to be incredibly friendly. (Obviously there are a few naturally unpleasant individuals but thats true for every organization), I am still at the same company I joined. I live in Sydney in upper north shore suburb of Mount Colah (fantastic and in my cost bracket). Kids go to catholic schools and happy as anything. I can say I have met some SA people who I found to be completely negative about the entire experience and some expressed their "hatred" toward Australia and their culture. These sorts of people are going to be picked on for sure and they should pack up and go home. I admit its not easy and you have to give and take. Any thoughts that life will be exactly the same should be dismissed. I am going back to SA for a holiday first time in over 5 years this December to see family. Is it difficult to leave them? Sure thing but my kids are going to have a brighter future. My only concern is retirement in Aus. Thats going to be very difficult whereas I comfortably would have been able to retire in SA by age 50. Here I will work till I die. But I still dont regret moving to Aus.

Anyone need any info or help let me know and I will see if I can help.

Sorry long blurb but felt compelled to write something as its not all doom and gloom.

Cheers

Clinton

[RosFam]

Just wondering if there are any more people out there who made it back to Oz , after returning to SA. I am feeling outwardly optimistic today and was wondering if there were some positive stories out there.

[elleneo]

Was wondering if there was any developments in your camp...

Edited May 3, 2014 by elleneo

[heidim]

RosFam

I know of a family who came to Perth, then went back to RSA after a couple of months. They felt they made a mistake returning to RSA, wanted to come back, wife fell pregnant, they had their little boy in RSA and after his birth (about a year and couple of months later), they came back to Oz, but decided they couldn't fit in in Perth and tried Brisbane. They've been here in Brisbane for 2 years now and they say it's much better for them in Brisbane than Perth. (Still not easy for them, but they prefer Brisbane to RSA). If you want to correspond with them, let me know and I'll get their details for you.

Good luck. Don't give up hope... wherever you decide to stay...

[Bronwyn&Co]

I see to read a lot of these stories lately. We personally dont know anyone who has gone back to RSA, but my sister is now doing this after 12 years in the UK. I am bracing myself for the reality check there.......

Hi Rozelle I was just wondering if your sister went back & if so, how she is finding life there compared to the UK?

[Jill]

Hi Rosfam,

I can just tell you briefly of a friend's experience. They arrived in Perth, settled in but Hubby had a bad time, went in to depression etc, eventually went back to SA because that was what he wanted, huge financial set back, once he was back there, he realised that had been a mistake and they had to then save etc to get back to Australia, came back to Australia, back to Perth, Got a job offer here in Central QLD, moved up here, much happier, now living out on an acreage and has his own Business, this all over a period of 6 years or so...So yes you can do it...It took me over 2 years to settle here, had many moments of why are we here, we gave up a successful Business etc etc...but like one of our friends said.........ONE GENERATION HAD TO MAKE THE SACRIFICE AND IT WAS US...so our kids can have the freedom of Australia and so can their kids...

We have now been here almost 7 years, I haven't returned to SA yet, hoping to go for a holiday next year. Good luck, I really hope you get back to Australia, I know for myself I could never live in a huge City, maybe look at Brisbane or Perth as opposed to Sydney...

[rozellem]

Hi Rozelle I was just wondering if your sister went back & if so, how she is finding life there compared to the UK?

Yes, they went back in Oct 2013. Her husband's family have put pressure on him to return for ages. He looked for years and years and years. Wrong colour, not there for interviews, declining industry, etc. Finally found something brilliant in our home town. He earns a good RSA salary, so they thought my sister would not have to work. They now say they underestimated the HUGE increase in the cost of everything. Plus those special RSA hidden costs. Bearing in mind they still live in accommodation supplied by family, virtually free. They are paranoid about the safety of their kids now. Hey, probably comes with the territory. She is doing part time work over weekends and looking to set herself up as a physio, but it looks like the local market is flooded. They still rent their UK home and have UK passports, so that puts a back door into their future. At the moment they are loving grandparents and cousins and all those things you cant buy, living in that space between a rock and a hard place we all, who have ever "taken the red pill", occupy.

[elleneo]

I have heard of people leaving nz only to desperately want to return and then unable to do so because of finances and lack of jobs. At the time they had nothing good to say about nz,less than a year back in South Africa and they were crying long crocodile tears quote "we should never have gone back, biggest mistake ever"

[RosFam]

Thanks for all the stories Ellen, Jill , Heidi and Rozelle . My guess is that there are lots more out there but they are all living very happily somewhere at the moment. I read this article on the BBC http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-27252307 on why Saffers are returning , and the stats say only 15% will make it back. I am begging to wonder if I am going to be a part of those stats. Lots of personal issus to overcome before I can can even start to dream of a better way of life.

[Bob]

I don't think anyone should beat themselves up about going back to South Africa, after living in Australia.

Not everyone is going to have plain sailing when they migrate and end up living in Australia. Some will miss their families, some their mates back home, some the great fishing they had, or the hunting they experienced . . . . .whatever.

If they can't let it go, then I guess the best therapy for them is to go back and really see if South Africa is the "promised land" after all said and done.

The only way they'll ever come to a reality check is to go back and face a hefty dose of reality.

Then . . . . and only then . . . . if they decide that Australia really is the better place to see out the rest of their days, then they should come back and give Australia everything they've got . . . body, heart and soul.

Better for Australia to have 100% than a reluctant 50% at best!