Be carefull, be very carefull !

[HadEnoughofJuju]

Hi all

I figured it was about time I made an actual post instead of just commenting. To tell the truth I haven't felt much like talking, or in this case writing, about the experiences I have had in the last six months. Simply because it's honestly been a lot tougher than I thought it would be. I have always been the one that wanted to leave South Africa, it never really felt like home to me nor did I ever feel it wanted me. I always expected that rebuilding our lives and readjusting to new surroundings and a new country would have been much easier than it has been.

I know what you are thinking and NO I would NEVER trade what I have now for anything in the world and you would never be able to get me to go back to South Africa. Strangely enough though I can see (and appreciate) all the improvements in our safety, happiness, finances and general quality of life, but still I find myself in a state of depression, wondering what on earth I was thinking taking on this immigration beast so late in life. I know 39 is not so old (to most people) but in terms of career and finances, to be making such a big change, rebuilding your career and financial stability, literally starting from scratch at such a late stage is not easy. I am grateful to have work (especially here on the Sunny Coast) where there are so many people who have to travel to Brisbane everyday because that's the only place they could find work. I am just finding it extremely difficult to readjust and start over. To be at the bottom AGAIN and have to work my way up.

From the beginning I was determined to make this work no matter what and so far we have accomplished many things in a very short space of time and are generally settling in quite well. On 30 September 2013 we will have been in Australia for six months. Looking back at where we came from and the situation we were in, this was by far the best thing we could have ever done for our little family. Yes we miss the family and friends we left behind but I don't for one moment miss South Africa.

This is not meant to scare people off. I have always believed in telling both sides of the story. To start this immigration process believing that things are only going to go smoothly and work out for the best is naive and dangerous. We need to be aware of the pitfalls and obstacles that we will face in this process so that we can prepare ourselves for what is to come. Be very careful of how much emotional energy you invest in the visa process, pace yourself and make sure there is balance. Looking back I now see that I got way to emotionally involved in the process and it has done it's damage. I find myself extremely emotional and cracking at the smallest things.

Don't let this make you give up, rather let it make you prepare yourself for the process that lies ahead. Getting a PR visa is not the end of the road, we have a long road ahead of us and it will only truly be finished the day we get that citizenship certificate and our Aussie passports. I have to say again, I take my hat off to those of you doing this on temporary work visa's, I would not be able to handle that stress as well at the moment.

[Stell]

You're not alone, the roller coaster continues but as you say the positives are always there and it's only been 6 months for you guys ! I think writing about it is the best thing you could do and great for others to read, so thank you and I promise it does get easier !

[Mikeleigh]

Good advice, the visa accomplishment is 10% of the ride.........save your energy for the rest of it..............

[HansaPlease]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Many of us do, despite all the good things the move provides us with.

Regarding the career thing, forgive me if my memory series me incorrectly, but if I remember correctly, you were barely able to support your family on your salary in South Africa, whereas now, you're actually finding that you're not only able to survive but actually able to save a little?

If so, what's this k@k about starting again at the bottom? As far as I'm concerned, you're already doing better here than you were in SA career-wise and it's only going to get better. After all, the point of a career is that you're able to support your family, right?

On a serious note. I appreciate the struggle you're going through inside. I was lucky enough to be youngish when I arrived (late twenties) but also felt like a complete failure at having to start again at the bottom. My wife had already established her career as an accountant and was pretty much the breadwinner for years. That makes you feel pretty crappy. Finally I've managed to overtake her and although it really shouldn't matter who earns what, it DOES when you're a man.

Anyway, my point is, I hope it gets better for you and I know it will. That's the beauty of this country, hard work generally equals promotion, and if the promotion doesn't come, find it in another company! I don't believe people in SA can easily apply that theory as the odds are so much more stacked against job seekers.

Apologies if I'm rambling, I hope some of it makes sense...

Edited September 24, 2013 by HansaPlease

[patrice]

yup - this is not the 'easy way out' as many think - yes doing the move at the 'ripe' age of 39 might be tuff - try doing it as we have, as old f@rt$ after 50 . .. so much less time to make up the temoprary 'setback', but hey you just have to have the will to do what you have to do ... now at 56 we are over the 'hump'

:-)

Edited September 24, 2013 by patrice

[HadEnoughofJuju]

Thanks guys for the support. Writing about it definitely helps. @Hansa, ya ya whatever. I hear you. For me I guess I have just started over too many times and just when I think my career is going somewhere, things change. Your memory does serve you well. In RSA our 2 income family was drowning in debt while here we are saving and doing financially well for the first time in 13 years on a single income. That's why the emotions are so torn. Happy with where we are but really struggling to readjust.

[Toitjie]

Hi S, Im sorry to hear the adjustment is taking its toll. If it helps...Im 39 too...will celebrate my naughty 40's for the first time in Oz...and hubby is like Pat said ...and old f@rt$ (sorry dear, I still love you) ..he is quite a bit older than me, also in his early 50's and has to start over.

Im sure things will get better, just give it time. When we are there and Im struggling I will cry on your shoulder and you will tell me now now, just give it time, it will get better

wrt work - Im actually looking forward to start at the bottom. I dont know if Im looking at it the wrong way and will later realise I was wrong, but to start at the bottom certainly has less stress than at the top, and Im tired of stress, I just want to do some work, whether it be admin or whatever. Later, when I understand what its about, the ladder climbing can begin...or not. Maybe I will get a forklift license and work in a warehouse, always wanted to do that.

Good luck and dont stop writing, its cathartic and cleans the soul *hug*

PS how is the little one adjusting?

[Tebbutts]

I feel like we are on the top of the rollercoaster, about to take the dive - that stomach churning one where you feel like your stomach has been left behind! You are probably on the dive right now HEOJJ and I do believe that your rollercoaster is going to go back up again very soon. Every life changing event takes a while to adjust to and it will get better as time goes on. Reading what the "older" forumites say (thank you Hansa Please - ps. I mean older as in "been over there for longer" ), it seems that it is so.

Thank you for sharing your story - you have been an inspiration to all of us following in your footsteps and it is great to hear the good, as well as the bad, so that we know exactly what to expect!

[Jordy]

You know the old saying about serving your 1000 days. Thats a long time to feel "normal" again. But I think there is definitely some truth in it. It literally takes that long to shape memories. Memories like the place you went for holiday 3 years ago in Australia on your annual leave, memories made by friendships etc etc

After 6 months you are still settling in. In fact I would say even after 18 months you would still be a new arrival. Dont rush the process or feel like you are supposed to have settled by now. Everyone takes a different amount of time. When you stop counting how long you have been here then you know you are starting to return to "normal".

[HadEnoughofJuju]

Thanks T, T & J. I know all will be well in my head and that it will take time, it's just the distance between the head and the heart that needs crossing. They say it's the longest distance travelled.

I told someone the other day it feels like I am snow boarding down a ski slope but instead of being on the board I am bouncing down the slope on my @$$.

We will get there.

[HansaPlease]

You know the old saying about serving your 1000 days. Thats a long time to feel "normal" again. But I think there is definitely some truth in it. It literally takes that long to shape memories. Memories like the place you went for holiday 3 years ago in Australia on your annual leave, memories made by friendships etc etc

After 6 months you are still settling in. In fact I would say even after 18 months you would still be a new arrival. Dont rush the process or feel like you are supposed to have settled by now. Everyone takes a different amount of time. When you stop counting how long you have been here then you know you are starting to return to "normal".

That's so absolutely spot on Jordy. Especially about making memories.

[DavidJames]

Vasbyt HEOJJ.

[PinkPanther]

.Be very careful of how much emotional energy you invest in the visa process, pace yourself and make sure there is balance. Looking back I now see that I got way to emotionally involved in the process and it has done it's damage. I find myself extremely emotional and cracking at the smallest things.

Thank you, I think that is great advice to others, because I'm sure most people don't think about pacing it. Once we get focussed on that visa, it becomes all consuming. I think most of us tend to think that once we have that, we can sit back and relax.

[HadEnoughofJuju]

PS how is the little one adjusting?

Hi T, thanks for the kind words. Jessie is settling in quite nicely, the days when she misses the grandparents are getting fewer and she is making lots of friends and really enjoying her school.

You just got to hear the little Aussie accent. In a couple of months she will sound like all the other kids and fit right in. We have even had to change the way we pronounce the "e" and "i" in words so that the Aussie's (and Jessie) can understand us. We are even starting to fall into the habit of shortening everything.

[mistermoose]

I've been wondering how you and the family have been doing, HEOJJ. Thank you for posting this update, and for being so honest.

I've been quiet myself, for similar reasons. I just don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to use all the money we have to move everyone overseas, only to find that I don't like it, don't fit in, don't like the culture, prefer what I left behind, and never find 'the new life' I was looking for.

If I could choose on paper, London would be it for me. Culture x 1000. But I wouldn't be going alone, and like you, I have to think of others in my family too. So it has to be a warm climate, for health reasons for them. Which basically means the southern hemisphere, which basically means Australia. But then I'm still left wondering about what I'll do if I get us all there and find I just don't like it.

It's hard. Sending you positive vibes!

[LadySnoo]

Thank you for being honest and sharing where you are at. You sound like you have a clear picture of where you are going to land up so keep that image in sight always.

It is so helpful hearing the good , the bad and the ugly from others that have gone over because I think too many have this vision of paradise even if they say they know it won't be easy ( guilty) .

We all need to be reminded that this takes a lot of sacrifice to achieve and once you leave SA the sacrifice is not finished and over , it continues everyday. And enduring the sacrifice demonstrates how much it is necessary and wanted.

I really appreciate this post because even if replies don't change your temporary feelings , they will help so many others feel normal when they go through the same thing....

[Brad76]

Well, I'm still here and at the moment I'm probably a little more apprehensive than excited about the move. I'm nervous about many things which include finding work, adjustment, adaptation, fit, starting again etc etc.....

It just seems like a mountain to climb and I sometimes wonder if I'll have the energy to see it all through?

The major motivating factor at this point is what the future seems to be holding for SA.

[Toitjie]

I hear you Brad. This process has made me feel a little alienated from myself. I am usually a fairly grounded person who knows exactly what I want and what I dont want.

But lately I have been feeling like a sock in a tumble-dryer. When there is a post of negativity at work, I worry. When I read a feel good story about Australia, I am excited. Its as if my feelings are all over the place, and lately with all the issues regarding adapting at work and bullying and what not, my fears are a little more than the excitement.

Its good to be brought back to earth a little. What I take from HEOJ post is that I should stop thinking about 22 November but rather focus on the days in between...rather be with friends and family. I agree that we invest sometimes too much emotionally....its just damn difficult disengaging from that...

[HadEnoughofJuju]

I've been wondering how you and the family have been doing, HEOJJ. Thank you for posting this update, and for being so honest.

I've been quiet myself, for similar reasons. I just don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to use all the money we have to move everyone overseas, only to find that I don't like it, don't fit in, don't like the culture, prefer what I left behind, and never find 'the new life' I was looking for.

If I could choose on paper, London would be it for me. Culture x 1000. But I wouldn't be going alone, and like you, I have to think of others in my family too. So it has to be a warm climate, for health reasons for them. Which basically means the southern hemisphere, which basically means Australia. But then I'm still left wondering about what I'll do if I get us all there and find I just don't like it.

It's hard. Sending you positive vibes!

I may get shot down in flames for this but quite frankly I don't think anywhere in Australia could be worse than staying behind in South Africa with the current economic and political climate. I wouldn't trade what I have here for the world and I know that I am a hundred times better off than I was in South Africa. It's just been very hard for me to restart my life. I guess I would have felt this way no matter where in the world we went. Australia is South Africa without all the historical baggage.

I really appreciate this post because even if replies don't change your temporary feelings , they will help so many others feel normal when they go through the same thing....

Thank you for the kind words. The replies go a long way and it helps to know that there are people who understand and have walked the same walk.

[Sibella]

You are still very very new. It might feel that six months is a long time but it isn't - we've been here over two years and we are still adjusting in some ways, so don't rush, just take it slow and remember life is a journey.

When we lived in the UK I only started feeling at home after four years - just before we left for Australia. We were also 39 when we arrived and even though it was our second big move it was still a huge adjustment.

But we've changed for the better. We don't yearn for South Africa any more. We love travelling and see the world as our oyster (just a pity we don't have limitless funds to explore it!).

Also I am used to not having age old friendships or family around, of looking after my three daughters by myself (as my husband is sometimes away) and therefore I am stronger. I take them everywhere and if it wasn't for my eldest starting high school next year we would easily up and move somewhere different just for an adventure (after we get our citizenship though!).

So while you give up a lot of things, the independence and strength you will gain in time makes it all worthwhile.

[TQO]

Hey S - I hear you!

My hubby will be 44 in December, and having owned his own business for the last 10 years, I also wonder how he will "fit" in and whether the adjustment
to starting "over" and working for an employer again will affect him and us overall.

We won't know till we try eh, and I think with all things, it is a process of elimination ... when you stop counting how long you have been here then you know you are starting to return to "normal" as Jordy says, and it will definitely get easier with time.

Please continue to post your candid thoughts and all the best with your daily 'elephant bites' out of your new Aussie life!

[Bams]

HEOJJ, you are such an inspiration, even when you are feeling down and blue.

Thank you for the post all who responded on it, I learn from each and every post.

:hug: to you all and will be keeping you in my prayers.

[January]

Hi HEOJJ,

Thanks for your post, so refreshing to read your very real and honest feelings and thoughts. Hope you find the breakthrough soon, emotions can be so complicated sometimes.

PS: my user name used to be 'Miley' but it got lost and I had to rejoin and choose a new user name, not sure what happened!

[HansaPlease]

PS: my user name used to be 'Miley' but it got lost and I had to rejoin and choose a new user name, not sure what happened!

... Must ... Not ..... Post..... Wisecracks about being banned for twerking and tongue wagging...

[Eva]

Great post HEOJJ, it is really good for people to have a balanced view of what lies ahead potentially for them in their new life in Australia... whenever I read doom and gloom stories however, I always feel compelled to jump in and say, "IT IS NOW ALWAYS BAD!" Our journey was a very simple, happy adaptation to our new lives, just want to keep it real on both sides of the coin.

I do think coming to a job is a helluva lot easier than coming here and having to look for a job while living off the money you brought with you and divide by almost ten!

Hopefully over the next 6 months things all fall into place for you guys, you make friends, have work that you both enjoy and find happiness and after one year it is all good times and the tough times you have gone through are only a distant memory.