Battling to care since returning

[Donovan83]

I'm a bit worried. I'm sure you've all seen I haven't posted in my other thread about my trip to Perth since getting back. I was meaning to write another post and upload a whole bunch of pictures, but I just can't seem to bring myself to.

We got back on Sunday and apart from the jet lag (which hasn't been as bad coming back as it was going there), I just don't seem to give a hoot about anything. Work, home, myself, nothing. I just feel completely numb. I left work early today to come home and nap - something I wouldn't ever do. There are bosses to appease and ratings to maintain, after all. I do suffer from depression from time to time (not the sad kind, the kind that you get very tired) and it does usually hit at this time of year around my birthday.

This is a bit different though. I came home and didn't feel shocked or affronted by the dirt, the beggars, the complete lack of respect for the laws of the country, the electric fences, and all the other million reasons for not liking SA. I just felt completely numb, as if I just didn't care any more. I still feel like that. A simple thing like robots not working and taxis pushing in doesn't have any effect whatsoever. It's as if it doesn't happen.

We made the decision to stay a little longer so that the other half can finish his MBA and then plan is to stay until about April/May next year. I thought I'd be okay with this but now I just want to go. I am not at home here. I feel like a foreigner, I don't connect with most of the locals (apart from my friends and family) like I do with the people in Australia. This isn't a western country with western values and western systems. Maybe it used to be but it isn't any more. I feel as foreign as I did in Dubai. I don't belong here. I have no misconception that my life will suddenly be perfect in Australia but it will at least feel like home.

There are stresses about this move. I think I can find work quite easily when we do finally move. But what about my other half? What if he can't find work? What if it takes 6 or more months? He is talking about enrolling in the CA programme in Australia (which I'd be very happy to support!) but he needs to finish his MBA first. There is a chance (a small one) that I may get an offer from a company in Perth for quite a good job and if it's attractive enough then it may be a good idea to seriously consider it. That, coupled with the fact that my other half just landed a very good job at a big company here (as a contractor, though, so it could end at any time) is also making it harder to leave. I have a feeling that this situation is going to cause a lot of tension and fights - we both want the same thing but just at different times.

I want a life in Australia from now. I want a career there, to start buying property (or saving to do so), to start building a bit of a network of friends and work colleagues. What is the point of even bothering here any more? Why even go to work? It's all for nothing anyway. I can't save because not only am I saving at one eighth the speed I could be saving in Australia, I'm also faced with rising costs of just about everything that just erodes everything. I'm not paying off a house because I chose to rent for now, so it's all just being wasted away.

I just want to go now

Sorry for the long rambling post. I just needed to vent a bit. I'm not ungrateful for the position I am in. Many people yearn just for the opportunity and I don't mean to be insensitive towards them, but man, if only the anguish and frustration at the glacial pace of this ended with the visa grant.

[Dryad]

I think it is a good thing that you put your feelings in writing and was able to vent. It did not solve the problem, however you were able to share which is suppose to make you feel better… it does not always work

I also tend to want to move things along once the decision has been made, especially if it was a hard, trying and difficult decision to make. Maybe you are emotionally drained even if you are not physically tired?

I total understand what you mean with it feels everything is a waste of time and money since you are not planning to stay in SA anymore, you really want to start the adventure of your new life in Oz where you can actually be part of something good for a change.

All I really wanted to say is good luck and I hope this works out for you (both). If you need to vent you always have the ears of fellow forumites. :hug:

[jas1]

Hey Don. While I can't relate to your exact situation (because I don't yet have a visa), I can absolutely empathise with the state of limbo you're in, and the futility you're feeling towards everyday experiences in SA. I find myself reading all types of expat forums daily, downloading videos daily, ordering books off Amazon as often as I can, browsing houses and suburbs, and generally dreaming about the new life that lies ahead. While I'm grateful to have a job that I love, working with people who are a pleasure to know, I can't help but think that every day is another day that I could be building our future overseas. In your case, you have a date to work towards. Why not go out and buy a fresh new Moleskine that you can dedicate to positive thoughts/reminders/photos about going back home next April? Write something on every one of the 365 pages that'll make you feel a little bit closer to your departure date. That way you'll have something to look forward to and a companion that you can open up in the middle of a boring meeting, or leave next to the bed to look at before you go to sleep, or scribble in when you're feeling down at work. The bottom line is: when you wake up tomorrow you'll only have 364 days left to go before you leave

[Rover]

I had the same after an LSD to New Zealand. Took me a month to start recovering. I put it down to not wanting to recognise all the crud happening around me.

I 'woke up' when somebody tried to ram into me and swore at me when I came to a total stop at a stop street. It may have been better if I went to a professional for help.

[Guest May]

I feel the same. I have little interest in anything and dont expect me to get involved with CSI or anythiing of that nature. If I open my mouth its only to complain abt NHI, security, education or the water problem. I am not living my dream :blush:

[MrsMupersan]

Hey Don. I'm sending you huge big cyber hugs (although you're probably not in the mood to receive them). Having suffered from depression, I can totally relate to that numb feeling. What I can tell you is that I have not suffered even a small bout of depression since moving to Aus just over 4 years ago. I think it has a lot to do with the outdoor lifestyle and getting more exercise - something that was far more effective in curing my depression than pills and doctors.

I think Jasey is onto something there with the notebook - a tangible lifeline to your new home. Print out all the pics from your holiday and paste one in every few days as a reminder. Remember little arb moments from your validation trip. Look up annual events in Perth and mark the dates of what you'll be doing/where you'll be in a years' time.

Just throwing this into the mix.... Why don't you go on ahead to Perth and get things set up so long and have your partner follow once he's completed his MBA. Get established in a good job, find a rental and start exploring Perth. When your partner arrives, you'll be able to show him around like a true local! It's just something to think about. Especially if you're thinking of supporting him through a CA course. You'd be established already and it wouldn't be as hard to start from scratch and still having support a partner who is studying. I know it'd be hard being apart, but for the sake of a few months, your sanity and the bigger, brighter future....

[Erik]

Hi Dono,

As you can see your feelings are pretty standard, and I think lots of people have had them, and many people coming after us will also experience then. For myself, I haven't even been to Australia before, but thinking about it is making my life here seem to be like killing time until something better comes along. I'm finding it tremendously hard to to focus on work, which at some stage is really going to come back and bite me in the a$$. I know we still have about a year here, waiting for visa, selling house, finding a new job there, etc... Anyway, no answers for you, but believe me, you're not alone.

Ciao

Erik

[Joeemm]

Hi there, I felt the same way once we got back from our LSD (which was really a formality for us, we were coming, more a questuion of where we'd settle) I could not move things along fast enough. The months we spent between getting back an fmoving felt almost surreal, but stick to your guns, your right life does not suddenly get perfect but it gets far, far better and now after 6 years in Perth I really have the feeling of building a future for myself and my family.

[Donovan83]

Thanks everyone...

[Donovan83]

Right, so after being back now for a few days and acclimatizing to everything I’ve cheered up a bit. Thank you for all your replies and for the support (including the PMs I got from people). Deon and I had a long chat and I think we’ll have a few more of those before making a decision, but the possibility of me going over a bit earlier is starting to look quite attractive. I always believe in going the path of least risk and resistance and we have certain goals we want to achieve as a couple. One of the main ones is that we need to buy and start paying off the house we live in which means that we firstly need to save up for a deposit, which will be easier in Dollars, and also, any bank will want to see at least a year’s worth of bank statements (and proof of employment etc) before even considering granting a home loan. On top of that we are cognisant of the 2 year obligation to live in WA. Even though we intend staying in Perth indefinitely, it would be nice to at least start getting rid of some of that requirement JUST IN CASE things don’t work out for us there. We’ll see what happens but that seems to be the way things are headed.

Anyway, I’ll post my last update this weekend and some photos in the other thread It’s not all bad. We’ll get there!