Niccig

[Willow]

Sorry for posting this (PM didn't work... ). Does anyone know if NicciG and her husband are heading back to RSA? I would like to get in contact with them. Thanks

[NicciG]

Sorry for posting this (PM didn't work... ). Does anyone know if NicciG and her husband are heading back to RSA? I would like to get in contact with them. Thanks

Hey Willow. Still uncertain at this stage - hubby has agreed to give it another 6 months, so I'm waiting with bated breath!!! (Although I'm a bit uncertain at this stage whether he will last 6 months, as his folks just left after a two-moth visit and he is devastated.)

[Orion25]

NicciG,

We are praying for you both, as this cannot be easy. I'm sure you are not alone in this situation and that others have had to face the same challenges.

Keep the faith, and know you have people you can turn to.

God Bless

T

[trekarbeider]

Hi Nicci,

That must be difficult, will pray that your husband will find peace.

Be strong and trust that God will help your hubby make the right decision for your family.

Best of Luck

[Willow]

Hi Nicci,

Thanks for letting us know.

To be honest, my South African employer offered me a position. I’m considering taking it... Weird hey? Anyhow, I really wanted to share thoughts with someone that’s thinking about going back. Your husband must be feeling like I do. I never thought I would be thinking about giving up on life in Aus… but I am. Worked so hard for something that seems so empty. I feel disconnected and tired of trying.

I just wanted to share this with you and your husband. I (think) know how he feels.

Take care & good luck.

[K-Vdm]

I truly hope our being there will help in a small way to keep him in Aus!

Hugs Willow - I cannot really comment as I haven't been through all you guys have, but I hope you will try and stick it out!

[NicciG]

Hi Nicci,

Thanks for letting us know.

To be honest, my South African employer offered me a position. I'm considering taking it... Weird hey? Anyhow, I really wanted to share thoughts with someone that's thinking about going back. Your husband must be feeling like I do. I never thought I would be thinking about giving up on life in Aus… but I am. Worked so hard for something that seems so empty. I feel disconnected and tired of trying.

I just wanted to share this with you and your husband. I (think) know how he feels.

Take care & good luck.

Hey Willow

My husband feels exactly the same way as you! Tired of trying! It will be much easier to go back for a number of reasons:

1. We definitely haven't got the same lifestyle we had in RSA:

1.1 It is tough having had a lovely 400 sq m home (pool, jacuzzi, the works) and now having to live in a 170 sq m townhouse;

1.2 We are used to having two incomes, but with care being so expensive in Aus, it is just better for me to stay at home with the kids (I have a 7 year old and a 17 month old) until they're both in school;

1.3 We don't "kuier" as much as we used to in RSA (people already have established friendships and it is tough to crack these clicks and alcohol is way too expensive );

1.4 We miss our domestic worker something terrible - they deserve way better salaries let me tell you!!

1.5 There's something about having family close by (even if it is 150 kms away) in case you need them - you know they (well at least some of them) will drop everything to be with you. My in-laws have just returned to RSA after a 2 month visit and the temptation to return is now even bigger for my husband - it is not easy seeing your life partner so terribly unhappy;

1.6 There's also something to say for familiar shops, products, etc - I miss the malls!!!!

1.7 We can't afford all the luxuries we used to in RSA - Aus is expensive. I can't explain to you what it feels like to tell my daughter that I can't afford the toy she wants right now! I know it's only material things, but she's used to getting whatever she wants.

2. No matter what anybody says, you lose some of your culture. How can you not - you are in another country with different traditions - we're Afrikaans speaking and it is not easy trying to hang on to the Afrikaans culture if you're not involved with many Afrikaans people.

I can go on and on and on, but my 17 month old is becoming a bit impatient waiting for his bottle, so I'll stop here.

BUT

But honestly, can one not sacrifice these things for four years until one has citizenship? For my kids?? I would do it in a heartbeat! If my husband still wants to go back once we're Aussie citizens, I'll follow him! I may not be happy about it, but I will go back with him. At least I'll know that my kids can one day have the right to study, work and live in a true democratic society, albeit not in RSA. If I can save my kids from having to go through what we went through, I'll do it again!! 3 times over!!

Imagine us going back to RSA and if my kids are fortunate enough to reach studying age without being assaulted, raped, murdered or losing someone to any such atrocities, only to be denied access to universities due to a quota system introduced to reflect the demographics of the country (already happening!!)! What future do we want for our kids? I want to be able to tell my kids that they can be whatever they want to be as adults and I want to mean it. Is dit te veel gevra?

We have invested so much in getting here: time and lots and lots of money! Granted, the grass may not be greener on the other side, but four years, people!! Is that such a big sacrifice in the bigger scheme of things? I think not.

No offence, Willow, but I'm not going to show your post to my husband! It might just be the thing that pushes him over the edge and I'm not yet ready to give up. Good luck with your decision - it is tough!! Especially when you have a family to think of. I mean it, good luck!

My apologies for the vent!!!!!!!

[21yearsoutofrsa]

To my mind the years go quickly and to wait for such a short while to be able to become an Australian citizen would be so worth it. It gives you, and your offspring options, huge options. Study options,travel options, residence options (you can live in Nz if you want)

But I admit it is easy for me to say. I'm a happy immigrant, and I don't know what you're going through.

I remember in the late eighties a friend of mine emigrated to Australia. In those days it was only 2 years to become a citizen. He dodged the draft. His words to me were. "It's 2 years, can't be worse than the SADF, what have I got to lose". He's now an Aussie through and through and doesn't even consider South Africa home.

[elleneo]

Ai I wish I had the answer you looking for, the only adivce I can give is that ive heard time and again you need to give yourself 2 years to settle, if after that you still unhappy then odds are you wont adapt.

I have a friend who loved in NZ for 8 years, they moved to Melbourne for better work opportunities for their kids, the husband hated it and wanted to go back to NZ, he never adapted to oz, they have since divorced but both still live in Melbourne as the children are here and have no intention of leaving oz.

I know of another couple who the husband also wanted to go back (in my opinion he still does but wont admit it) and this prevented him from holding down a job, making friends and generally adapting. He has literally developed "small man syndrome" because of this cycle of self- doubt and regrets.

I can only speak from my experience, and so far we are very happy, it took time to make friends and settle in but we getting there. Yes the lifestyle takes a dip, but there are other perks that you wont have in SA. I also believe this "dip" is temporary, eventually you will be dual-income again and finances wont be cause so much stress...i always remind myself that a bmw in the garage and maid-cleaned house will not help me when im tied up on the floor in a house robbery, or hands in the air with a gun pointed at me during a highjacking, or crying because my child doesnt get in to study medicine because she is the wrong colour.....

Finally..if after 6 more months he STILL wants to go back, may I suggest a holiday in SA for a good 6 weeks? if after that holiday you still want to go back then go for it, but its much cheaper to fly before you buy (so to speak) than to pack a container, sell up etc and then realise 3 years down the line "what have we done?, by now we would be ozzie citizens" (they call it "the R200 000 mistake")

Good luck and I hope you make the right decision as a family, for your family.

[Eva]

Nicci, your PM function doesn't work, perhaps your mailbox is full?

I wanted to send you this message...

Hi Nicci

I just want to say that I am thinking of you, hope you and your hubby manage to fall in love with Australia, and that things work out for you.

Obviously different people cope and react differently to things. I actually think it is good that your story gets out there, that people come to Aus knowing it may be hard for them.

I remember reading stuff like that on the forum and I honestly believe that expecting the difficult times made it easy for me, they just never seemed to happen. But when someone expects the 'best' and tough times hit, it can take someone down.

I don't know if you are a 'praying' person, but I will be praying for you, your husband and your kids. That you all find peace and happiness in whatever you decide to do.

I cannot imagine going back to RSA. Have no desire to, so can imagine how hard it must be for you if you want to stay and he wants to go.

Big hugs and hope it works out.

Regards

Eva

[Tilla]

BUT

But honestly, can one not sacrifice these things for four years until one has citizenship? For my kids?? I would do it in a heartbeat! If my husband still wants to go back once we're Aussie citizens, I'll follow him! I may not be happy about it, but I will go back with him. At least I'll know that my kids can one day have the right to study, work and live in a true democratic society, albeit not in RSA. If I can save my kids from having to go through what we went through, I'll do it again!! 3 times over!!

Imagine us going back to RSA and if my kids are fortunate enough to reach studying age without being assaulted, raped, murdered or losing someone to any such atrocities, only to be denied access to universities due to a quota system introduced to reflect the demographics of the country (already happening!!)! What future do we want for our kids? I want to be able to tell my kids that they can be whatever they want to be as adults and I want to mean it. Is dit te veel gevra?

We have invested so much in getting here: time and lots and lots of money! Granted, the grass may not be greener on the other side, but four years, people!! Is that such a big sacrifice in the bigger scheme of things? I think not.

No offence, Willow, but I'm not going to show your post to my husband! It might just be the thing that pushes him over the edge and I'm not yet ready to give up. Good luck with your decision - it is tough!! Especially when you have a family to think of. I mean it, good luck!

My apologies for the vent!!!!!!!

I rest my case - dit is nie te veel gevra nie en ek hoop werklik dat hy sal instem om 'n bietjie vas te byt. Ons kinders is die rede hoekom ons hier is! Sterkte!

[rozellem]

Hi Nicci,

Ek's jammer om te hoor jou man/julle sukkel om aan te pas. Dit moet seker van mens tot mens verskil, want jou lys van negatiewe dinge waarmee jul sukkel, lees vir my soos Grieks. Kan glad nie my vereenselwig nie. Ek het nog nooit n jacuzzi gehad of n skoonmaakster op n permanente basis in gekry nie. En ek beskou die feit dat n 7 jarige nie onmiddelik die speelding wat hy wil he kry nie, n positiewe ervaring. Dit lyk vir my dat julle nog nie eers n jaar lank hier is nie. Het jul nie voor die tyd gehoor dat n mens n trappie af vat as jy oor kom (gewoontlik in jou werk en definitief finansieel) nie? Dit vat n paar jaar voor jy weer is waar jy was voor die trek, wat aardse goed betref. Maar die dinge wat n mens nie kan vas vat nie, is soveel beter, regtig.

Ek kom agter dat van die mans meer sukkel, party raak regtig depresief. Ek dink dis die feit dat hul die brood winner titel te letterlik opvat. En in Suid Afrika wil mense voorspoed en sukses prakties sien aan die groote van jou huis of wat in jou garage staan. Dit is eintlik so verkeerd en plaas baie druk op die ouens. Maar daai mind set gaan generasies vat om te verander.

Kan ek jou van my skaamte van laas naweek vertel. Ek is baie gelukkig in Australie, geseend in alle opsigte wat tel. Behalwe dat ek na 2 en n half jaar nog in n huur huis bly. En vir n handige, kunssinge, Libra is dit baie swaar, my hande jeuk. Wel, Saterdag oggend is die huis langs ons opgeveil. En dit was my droom huis. Stok oud (100 jaar), die ou tannie het nie n vinger gelig in al die jare wat sy daar was nie, vol protensiaal, perfekte projek vir my. Ek het nagte wakker gele en droom oor wat ek daar sou doen. Net jammer dat omtrent 5 paartjies die selfde planne as ek gehad het. Die huis het vir $116 000 bo die geadverteerde prys verkoop. En daar tjank ek oor n huis soos n kind wat se roomys op die grond le. Ek kon die hol gevoel van mislukking nie af skud nie. Al se my brein vir my om my seninge te tel, kon ek nie ophou huil nie (5 maande swanger hormone help seker ook nie). Tot ek later die middag weer Red se journal lees, jy moet regtig van haar erfarige in Adelaide lees. Hul is al presies so lank soos ons in Aus, het baie minder stuff as ek en sy het n besondere positiewe uitkyk op dinge. En daar maak sy n lys van dinge waarvoor sy dankbaar is en stel voor die lesers doen dit ook. Haar lys het natuurlik niks op van huis begeertes nie! Ek het lanklaas so skaam gevoel. Solank ons saam is, gesond is, daar kos op die tafel is, ons veilig in ons beddens slaap....is daar mos niks waaroor ek hoef te tjank nie.

Anyway, jammer vir die opstel. Sterkte.

[NicciG]

Thanks for the support everybody, much appreciated.

Rozellem - dis net die ding! Ek het grotendeels aanbeweeg! Geld kon my nie gelukkig maak nie, so ek het aanvaar dat ons 'n hele paar trappe op die lewensranglys gaan daal. Maar dis nie so maklik vir my man nie juis oor die "broodwinner" ding waarvan jy praat.

My drome sal realiseer as ons hier kan bly - al is dit met baie minder materiele goeters! Dis net dat ek my man moet oortuig.

Dis seker vir my makliker, want ek het nie meer ouers nie - syne leef nog, so ek kan verstaan hy hunker na sy mense. Hy en my kinders is vir my genoeg en is "my mense"! Dit sou seker ek gewees het wat sou baklei het om terug te gaan as my ouers nog geleef het.

Ek het hierbo probeer se (miskien was ek nie so suksesvol nie, want ek was maar emosioneel) dat ek hier wil bly en ek bereid is om enige opoffering te maak wat nodig is. Ek het eintlik ook probeer se dat dit die maklike uitweg is om terug te gaan, want let's face it, die lewe is makliker daar. Maar ek het my keuse gemaak (kyk na die gedeelte onder die groot "BUT") - nou moet ek net my man oortuig.

Ek is baie dankbaar dat ons hier is - dis net om my man op dieselfde plek te kry.

Mooi aand vir almal

[Eto]

Hi All,

I can fully understand what you are going through at the moment. We landed in 2005 and 5 five month later i was offered a position in Port Elizabeth with my previous employer. By that time i realy wanted to return to SA while my wife tried to convince me to stay for a little longer. However, my mind was made up and there was nobody and nothing that would change my decison. I resigned and made tentative bookings for flights and a container to SA and made the necessary arrangements to cancel the lease etc. Then the least expected happened, as the company in PE who offered me the job had to withdraw their offer due to "non-white" workers who discovered that the position was offered to a white male and they then threatened to take the company to the Transofrmation council. Needless to say that i was in a mess and had to find employment quickly and had to cancel all the tentative arrangements made.

Anyway, we managed to work our way through the hard times and we eventually received our citizenship in 2008. We then returned to SA and have been here since. To this day i cannot thank my wife enough for listening to me, understanding what i was going through at the time but who also managed to convince me to stay on for the sake of the kids. We have now opened new doors for my son and daughter and it will be up to them to decide if they would like to use it one day.

I am not sure what visa you travelled on, but it is getting very hard to get into Australia now and as you can see by this forum there are many people trying to leave SA. You are there already and my advice to you would be to think about why you left South Africa in the first place and then sit back and check if anything has changed.

P.s: we are now considering returning to Oz (apologies for the spelling errors and poor grammar, but had to type this in my tea time...)

[Isabella]

Ek weet presies hoe jou man voel. Ek was ok daar so amper 3 jaar terug. Al waaraan ek kon dink was om terug te gaan SA toe. Ons het tot 2 uur elke oggend gesit en baklei en huil. Ek en my seun (toe 11) wou net terug SA toe en my man en my dogter (toe 9) wou net bly. Ek is 3 keer in SA in ons huis aangeval en alhoewel niemand behalwe ek by die huis was nie, het dit my dogter baie erg ontstel. Nou na 7 jaar slaap sy vir die eerste keer alleen in haar kamer. As ek vir mense gese het ek wil terug gaan en hul my probeer oorreed om hier te bly, kon ek nie verstaan hoe hul so kan voel nie. Ons het toe besluit om dit 2 jaar te gee en dan weer n besluit te neem. Ons het na n beter huis en area getrek waar baie SA ners is. Ons het meer vriende hier as ooit in SA. Wel moet se die trek het gehelp. Ek is nou baie gelukkig. Ons het onlangs PR gekry. Die ouers kom kuier elke jaar. My skoonpa is 3 weke gelede oorlede en dit het ons weer laat wonder of dit die regte ding is om so ver van die familie te wees. Ons het vriende wat na jare in Australia terug is SA toe en nou weer so ongelukkig daar is, maar hul het net nie weer die finansies om terug te kom Australia toe nie. Baie sterkte vir julle besluit. Hoop en bid dat jul net kan uithou tot jul burgerskap het.