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Culture sick


simplymark

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Hi everyone

Let me state at the outset that I am not simplymark but simplymark's wife (or should I be saying "partner"?). I couldn't remember my log in details so just logged in as my better half. So let me stress that what I write tonight are my opinions and observations and my feelings alone... :ilikeit:

Okay, the next thing I want to say is that I seem only to write stuff on these forums when I have a problem or complaint that I need to get off my chest. This may give the impression that I am unhappy here when in fact, I am content living here and I am still pleased we made the move. I guess I am just the type who tends to share things when I am not having such a great time and this may give the wrong impression.

So to all of you in SA who may read this, please understand one thing: I have lots of ups and downs over here. Three weeks ago I was so in love with Adelaide and Oz that I was positively gushing to folks back home. A few weeks later and I feel differently again. Next week, I will feel different again, I expect. I hope this is not a sign that I am going crazy, and that other immigrants also live on a similar emotional rollercoaster.

The truth is that I was sort of prepared for the ups and downs in this past year. But we have been here for a year now and I must say that it feels much harder in many ways than it did in the beginning. In the beginning everything was a novelty. I almost feel ashamed to say that not much feels novel anymore and I am definitely not on a honeymoon right now. I don't miss South Africa, don't get me wrong. This isn't about being homesick as much as being "culture sick". Let me get to the point, because I really am labouring on saying nothing, aren't I?

I work as a psychologist for a charity. I make home visits to my clients (amazing, yes, but true!). Most of my clients live in the poorer suburbs of Adelaide. Without going into specifics, I must say that I am often absolutely appalled at how people live here. The unspeakable filth inside their homes, not to mention the chaos in terms of family dynamics. I simply can't understand all this. I don't understand how there can be so much poverty in a rich, first world country. We hear so much about child abuse and indeed I am mandated to report any form of child neglect or abuse. But I come across parent abuse too!!!! Yes, 8 year olds abusing their parents, vandalising property, abusing animals. Now I am a shrink, right, so I do understand that this is about poverty, illiteracy and often mental health problems. I realise there is a context to it and to some extent I feel compassionate towards these families. But on the other hand, this political system that I was so enamoured with last year - yes, this one that has a govt that looks after its people with an abundance of social welfare provisions, has suddenly become very irksome to me. I guess I have taken off the rose tinted glasses and discovered the imperfections of this system. Instead of helping people, I am starting to realise that social welfare lets people off the hook from taking responsibility for their actions and their lives. While one of its virtues is that it probably keeps the crime rate low, its disadvantages are that it frequently serves to keep people unmotivated, unempowered, irresponsible, and socially impoverished.

I work in an environment that I perceive as gone daft on political correctness and I know if I expressed any of these thoughts I would be perceived as another one of those white South Africans who is retarded about human rights and what it means to respect people. I don't think I exaggerate about this because to my mind, one doesn't have to earn respect here, one is automatically granted respect no matter who you are. Now I always thought I was liberal in my outlook but I realise this is a relative description because I am suddenly sounding more conservative.

I feel like such a fake so much of the time when I am at work because of all the work I have to do to fit in. It is just as well no one at work asks me what I think of Oz, Ozzies, or how I am settling in, because I might find myself during one of my low moments, expressing some very unpopular sentiments.

I think that what is making this a difficult phase for me is that I feel very removed from SA now. I have forgotten what it is like to live in fear (mind you, I feel quite afraid for my safety during some of my home visits!), to drive like a maniac because that is the only way to survive on the roads, to be imprisoned in my own home for safety reasons, to mistrust everyone I encounter etc etc etc. I feel like all that stuff that made me chose this move, is so far removed from my daily life now, that I have also forgotten what it feels like to be relieved to be here (which is how I felt last year everytime I reflected on our move during a difficult moment). I cry less more recently and I also laugh less.

I guess I am becoming more realistic in my assessment of my new home. At least I hope that is what is happening. And I am wondering if others have gone through this phase too, or is this unique to me?

I really miss the "toughness" of South Africans, their resilience, courage, strength, ambition, understanding, resourcefulness and sense of independence. I recall that when I arrived in Adelaide last Feb, I no longer felt very proud to be Zimbabwean/South African because I was so mortified about all the crime and brutality in SA. Funny how I find myself one year later feeling really proud to be South African. OMG, I really hope this is normal. :blush:

One a more positive note, I don't regret this move at all. I still believe it was the right thing for us to do. I still love the fact that I have a sense of hope here whereas I had become very hopeless in SA. And most of all, I am still so very grateful for the sense of freedom of movement (if not of speech!!) that living here has given me.

Okay, I would say that is enough nonsense from me for one evening.

Cheers B)

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I really appreciate that you shared that with us. We need to know these things and being honest is the best for all of us.

I admire you for the work you do.

K

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Hi Cheers

That is deep sister. Thank you for sharing that with us. It made me realise that the issues that we are facing in Africa is completely different to those we need to digest in Australia. I hope that you find meaning and happiness in your work. Please keep us posted.

Karina

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Hi Simplymark's wife

Thank you so much for sharing that. We too have been here a year and have the exact same problem with the up and down feelings. The ups definitely outweigh the downs, but the downs can be quite bad :thumbdown:

We recently made a trip up to the Gold Coast and stopped specifically at the SA shop to buy a SA sticker which my husband has put on the back of his ute. If someone had said to me a year ago, that I'd want a SA sticker on the back of our car, I'd have laughed at them and told them it would never happen. So you are normal with your sudden feelings of being proudly South African. It is our roots after all and I guess we'll never escape that.

We had an interesting chat with our neighbour the other night. A full bred Aussie, who was moaning about "the system" and how it just keeps feeding new generations of dol bludgers. Was very interesting to hear it from an Australian's point of view.

Hope next week is a better week for you and know that you are not alone.

Candice

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Hi simplymark's other half, it was really insightful to read your post, thank you for taking the time to share your experiences!

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Thanks for writing this, I am sure that in a few months I will be feeling the same way!

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gone daft on political correctness

That is our problem.

Very interesting, thanks for the insight. Did you do the same kind of work in RSA and was your experiences different?

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Hi Mate (I don't like the word "partner" it is so business like and a "wife" is much more than that)

We've met before and the saying "don't judge a book by its cover" applies.

Your post is brilliant and "nonsense" does not apply. It is the most "sense" I have read in a long time.

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Hi simplymark's better half!

Your post is exactly spot on, and you have expressed (very eloquently I might add!) the opinions of so many of us.

I am often surprised (shocked) at the complete lack of personal responsibility and the gimme gimme mind set displayed by many Australians. There seems to be a whole generation that has been raised on welfare payments and handouts, with the attitude of "well why bother because the government will just take care of me". Children in those homes don't see the normal cycle of parents going off to work, earning money for the family's upkeep...no role models to mould their character and personality.

I have to add though that this attitude is often class related (here I go being snobbish again :censored: ) and it seems that the less fortunate socio-economic community is where most of your work lies, so you get an "overdose" of it all the time.

Our Aussie friends are equally appalled at the leeches in society, and complain that their taxes are being wasted on lazy bludgers too lazy to get off their butts to do an honest days work.

I really take my hat off to you, you are an angel to do what you do! Community work can be so depressing sometimes and yet so rewarding too.

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Hi There

Brilliant post! Exactly how most of us will feel at some point -maybe you are doing it faster because of the line of work you are in. My scariest time was when i felt I was losing my identity - I didn't fit into either countries. Then I realised I was allowed to be a proud SA and take the many good things here in Auss , mix them and feel good about that. I brought up my kids like a SA in regards to discipline, manners and morals and added in the freedom of choice that Auss gives them and it worked! Thats when I knew we had made the right choice in coming here.

You are reacting very normallyand well under some tough situations- it does get better

Thanks for writing!

Lindy

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Last night we got some idea of what really happens in this country, but I must stress it is not all over Australia. There was an aborigianal funeral in town yesterday and a lot of the bush dwellers come into town. We got called out to the shop by the security company just before 1am , there were a big group of youths that were running riot in town and they smashed the window and damaged our shop door badly. We had to call the police out and the maitenance guy at 1am to close the places up where the glass was broken so that no one can get into the shop. Nothing was stolen, fortunately.

We were horrified to see, that at 1am in the morning there were kids as young as 6 running around town with no adult supervision. Some as young as 12 yr old were drunk. The parents give them alcohol. There is a huge problem just to get these kids to go to school because the parents just don't care. There were about 150 kids in town running around causing trouble last night.

We don't really feel that unsafe during the day though, but we certainly lock our doors at night. But, I must add that this what I am describing is not happening every day and I still feel a lot safer than in SA!

Many aboriginal families suffer greatly as a result of alcohol and abuse. There are restrictions in the East Kimberly and possibly other areas, on how much alcohol one may purchase each day(even what strength of alcohol!) and there are areas where there is a total alcohol ban. It has apparently helped a lot to reduce domestic violence, child neglect and abuse. Every day we have drunks sitting on the pavement or lying in the parks under the trees. Reminds me of SA!

Despite all of this I love Australia, and am very happy here, and realise that all over the world you get all types of people, you will get slackers that don't want to work, and it is just a part of life.

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Thanks so much everyone. :ilikeit:

I have really enjoyed reading your responses and feel so much better for them. I truly appreciate the opportunity to express an opinion and to have it acknowledged and accepted by you all.

I definitely don't feel as isolated in my view on this matter now.

Hope everyone is having a fab weekend :ilikeit:

JulieK (Simplymark's other half).

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Hi Julie,

Thanks for the insight into an area where we will not easily let our minds wander. Hope you can find find a way to assist, I know it is extremly difficult to work with unmotivated people, keep your head up!

Regards,

Louis

Edited by Maloui
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Hi, wow, I'm ssoooooo glad to see there's someone else out there with similar thoughts ! I'm not there yet, but I already had a nagging feeling that life in Oz might some or the other time feel like 'cheating'. Like you do not need to work for what you want. In SA you (until recently) had to prove yourself in your job, you have a sense of real achievement and personal strength when you achieved your goal. You compete with other people who have their own share of stamina, their own sense of 'know-what-they-want', so if you reach your goal, you had a real achievement.

We SAffers just have to deal with loads of stressfull circumstances, that force us to utilise and develop our own personal inner strength and emotional stamina. I'm not even there yet, but I wondered how it would feel to to have a degree of abiblity to overcome hardship in an environment where it is not needed. In an environment where you don't have to 'do it all for yourself' and basicly receive life on a silver platter. I sense a degree of danger of apathy, boredom and the feeling of lack of achievement. Hopefully I'm wrong. Hopefully one can create such challenges for oneself by tackling a completely new thing. One of those things you 'always wanted to do', but never could in SA.

I think that is one thing the men and working women often do not encounter, for they get a job and immediately have to prove themselves again. They get challenged and they need to invest themselves.

It seems as if Australia gives a lot. I'm specifically concerned for myself that I might get bored by the abundance of support and secondly I'm concerned for my children who will grow up in a system that can allow them to be slack and spineless. I guess the challenge wil be to seek and create challenges for all of us to keep mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually fit !

That might be quite some challenge in itself !

PS: I guess the 'proudly South African'-thing is exactly that: we feel pleased with what a country of beauty and hardship and betrayal made of us. We like who we are because we lived to ascend above what's been thrown at us. We are proudly South African.

Edited by Mara
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Thanks, Julie, for bearing your soul.

Australia isn't a land of milk and honey. It may be first world, but that doesn't mean it's heaven unfortunately.

I guess in heaven, we're still required to accept responsibility and consider other's needs, which is obviously what some folk haven't taken on board in their lives.

There are people who just fall thro the cracks, no matter what resources are given to them and what help they receive.

I have a mate whose sister is a psychiactric case because of dope smoking, mainly.

She left home, got in a relationship with a bloke, fell pregnant, had a son, went on the single parent's pension, got a housing commission place together with all the other welfare recipients. just sat around all day every day smoking joints and finally ended up in the funny farm.

The son has grown up with a crazy mother in and out of mental hospitals and is now a delinquent himself at 18, going on welfare instead of working for a living and taking his place in society as a useful member of the community.

I suppose he'll shack up with a number of girls . . . . or "partners" as they like to call themselves . . . have a few kids that he'll take no responsibility for, nor will provide for, and will be on the dole most of his life if he doesn't fall foul of the law in his early years.

Is this what the Good Book calls the "sins of the fathers" just repeating themselves?

The Ancients could see it all in their day, would write warnings for future generations to take heed from, and we see it all over and over today, some 2 000 / 3 000 years later.

Some things never change.

We have a patronising government that thinks that chucking money and welfare at people is the best solution, but doesn't consider what it does to a person's initiative and spontaneity. It destroys these things in their personality, so that they become dependent like kids on their parents and the same outlook develops . . . . that the parents (or the "government", in their case) is going to look after them and cater for their every need. It just keeps them immature and irresponsible.

The older you get, also, the more you see and can remember.

I can remember a time when welfare wasn't nearly so prevalent, when you worked you way around Australia for a 6 month surfing holiday. Nowadays you can just sign on the dole, get a fortnightly payment and bludge on the "system" instead of working at odd jobs, such as fruit picking, like 30 / 40 years ago while surfing your way around the country.

Most Australians are not old enough to remember how life was then and just assume life has always been the way it is today.

It hasn't.

The Labor governments, over the course of my memory, have done as much to destroy the social fabric of Australian society that it has in implementing social change that was needed . . . bringing in Medicare and other benefits . . . . superannuation, for instance.

You've come from one extreme where welfare was virtually non-existent to one where it is so common that it is "milked" by a number of Australians.

You have the advantage of knowing what it means to get out and have to work, to earn a living and take your place in society and accept responsibility in life.

Many here don't.

This is the ugly side of Australia.

Next time you have a choice on how to vote, consider carefully the long term aspects of some political parties' platform.

It may sound great to all get a "quick fix" to a problem, but the long term is a generation or two of dysfunctional people.

It may buy the votes of the simple minded who can't think further than the next week or year, but often the future is compromised by the policies put in place by a patronising government.

Sometimes the better way is the tougher way to go.

Edited by Bob
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us Julie K. It is important to hear the downside as well as the good, gives a more balanced perspective.

I had to chuckle about the 'partner' thing. When I phoned Centrelink the guy asked me if I had a paaartna (accent) and I didn't know what he was on about so said I beg your pardon - are you married he said. Guess that is just another little thing to get used to...

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We should also take into account that SA pays monthly contributions (albeit small) to parents with children up to a certain age (I really don't know how you qualify or are disqualified for this, as I need it too :unsure: ). We have thousands of families living off this subsidy, with able young men and women rather sitting around and drinking than improving their future by working and learning.

The idea to help mom's and single parent families are great, but the auntie and uncle, granny and her other kids, the cousins and their buddies all sit around doing nothing because of this money... People get violently abused because of their reluctance to hand over this money to family and friends... This is often not seen by most people on forums such as these as we never venture into the poverty stricken areas. Having been to a few of these places, it's scarey to see the vast amounts of people doing nothing!

My thoughts are that currently crime is serving as that social "grant" from government.

Everywhere we will get people that abuse the system or those around them, Aus with the support, SA with the crime and corruption, rest of Africa with child labour etc. It's a question of being able to make your voice heard, as Bob rightly says, vote for for the right party. But if I can sit outside under a tree and don't have any future goals or motivation to improve, why would I want to change my circumstances and vote differently?

Anyway, SA feels like a funny farm at the moment, thanks for the smile!!!

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Hi Julie K

Wow, what a brave woman you are! I take my hat off to you.

I had this conversation with hubby last night, saying, what will we do if we get on that side and see something that is really off. Who would we discuss this with? If you discuss with new found friends, you might offend them for talking negatively about their country.

We have no children and spend alot of time with our friends. We have many different political and religious views, so the conversations tend to go South,North, West and everywhere. We don't take offense, as we have been friends for so long and believe in having healthy debates.

We will be missing that the most on that side, as I am sure it will take us ages to get friends like that again.

And then when I feel like you did last week, WHO would I discuss this with? So glad you are such a brave lady, hopefully I would be just as brave when I get there.

Chin up, just know that you have us to talk to.

Stranded :unsure:

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If you discuss with new found friends, you might offend them for talking negatively about their country.

For many South Africans (myself included), you try your best to integrate with Australian citizens, but this is also a good time to remember that those other South Africans in your area, could be a vital support system you never knew you needed.

I have met wonderful people, Australians and South Africans alike...

but I must say, at the moment it's the Saffers that 'get me'.... put things into perspective and remind me how awesome this country is!

and we totally understand what you were saying JulieK, and appreciate you for saying it...

and remember, we are just down the road... :lol:

red

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Hi everyone

Let me state at the outset that I am not simplymark but simplymark's wife (or should I be saying "partner"?). I couldn't remember my log in details so just logged in as my better half. So let me stress that what I write tonight are my opinions and observations and my feelings alone... :whome:

Okay, the next thing I want to say is that I seem only to write stuff on these forums when I have a problem or complaint that I need to get off my chest. This may give the impression that I am unhappy here when in fact, I am content living here and I am still pleased we made the move. I guess I am just the type who tends to share things when I am not having such a great time and this may give the wrong impression.

So to all of you in SA who may read this, please understand one thing: I have lots of ups and downs over here. Three weeks ago I was so in love with Adelaide and Oz that I was positively gushing to folks back home. A few weeks later and I feel differently again. Next week, I will feel different again, I expect. I hope this is not a sign that I am going crazy, and that other immigrants also live on a similar emotional rollercoaster.

The truth is that I was sort of prepared for the ups and downs in this past year. But we have been here for a year now and I must say that it feels much harder in many ways than it did in the beginning. In the beginning everything was a novelty. I almost feel ashamed to say that not much feels novel anymore and I am definitely not on a honeymoon right now. I don't miss South Africa, don't get me wrong. This isn't about being homesick as much as being "culture sick". Let me get to the point, because I really am labouring on saying nothing, aren't I?

I work as a psychologist for a charity. I make home visits to my clients (amazing, yes, but true!). Most of my clients live in the poorer suburbs of Adelaide. Without going into specifics, I must say that I am often absolutely appalled at how people live here. The unspeakable filth inside their homes, not to mention the chaos in terms of family dynamics. I simply can't understand all this. I don't understand how there can be so much poverty in a rich, first world country. We hear so much about child abuse and indeed I am mandated to report any form of child neglect or abuse. But I come across parent abuse too!!!! Yes, 8 year olds abusing their parents, vandalising property, abusing animals. Now I am a shrink, right, so I do understand that this is about poverty, illiteracy and often mental health problems. I realise there is a context to it and to some extent I feel compassionate towards these families. But on the other hand, this political system that I was so enamoured with last year - yes, this one that has a govt that looks after its people with an abundance of social welfare provisions, has suddenly become very irksome to me. I guess I have taken off the rose tinted glasses and discovered the imperfections of this system. Instead of helping people, I am starting to realise that social welfare lets people off the hook from taking responsibility for their actions and their lives. While one of its virtues is that it probably keeps the crime rate low, its disadvantages are that it frequently serves to keep people unmotivated, unempowered, irresponsible, and socially impoverished.

I work in an environment that I perceive as gone daft on political correctness and I know if I expressed any of these thoughts I would be perceived as another one of those white South Africans who is retarded about human rights and what it means to respect people. I don't think I exaggerate about this because to my mind, one doesn't have to earn respect here, one is automatically granted respect no matter who you are. Now I always thought I was liberal in my outlook but I realise this is a relative description because I am suddenly sounding more conservative.

I feel like such a fake so much of the time when I am at work because of all the work I have to do to fit in. It is just as well no one at work asks me what I think of Oz, Ozzies, or how I am settling in, because I might find myself during one of my low moments, expressing some very unpopular sentiments.

I think that what is making this a difficult phase for me is that I feel very removed from SA now. I have forgotten what it is like to live in fear (mind you, I feel quite afraid for my safety during some of my home visits!), to drive like a maniac because that is the only way to survive on the roads, to be imprisoned in my own home for safety reasons, to mistrust everyone I encounter etc etc etc. I feel like all that stuff that made me chose this move, is so far removed from my daily life now, that I have also forgotten what it feels like to be relieved to be here (which is how I felt last year everytime I reflected on our move during a difficult moment). I cry less more recently and I also laugh less.

I guess I am becoming more realistic in my assessment of my new home. At least I hope that is what is happening. And I am wondering if others have gone through this phase too, or is this unique to me?

I really miss the "toughness" of South Africans, their resilience, courage, strength, ambition, understanding, resourcefulness and sense of independence. I recall that when I arrived in Adelaide last Feb, I no longer felt very proud to be Zimbabwean/South African because I was so mortified about all the crime and brutality in SA. Funny how I find myself one year later feeling really proud to be South African. OMG, I really hope this is normal. :blush:

One a more positive note, I don't regret this move at all. I still believe it was the right thing for us to do. I still love the fact that I have a sense of hope here whereas I had become very hopeless in SA. And most of all, I am still so very grateful for the sense of freedom of movement (if not of speech!!) that living here has given me.

Okay, I would say that is enough nonsense from me for one evening.

Cheers :lol:

[/quote

Hi Simplymark se vrou,

Ek lees nou eers jou post en al wat ek kan se is AMEN!

Ek is 'n maatskaplike werker. Op die oomblik kyk ek nog na my kind, maar ek beplan om so oor 'n jaar weer te begin werk. Steeds, na wat ek elke dag hier beleef, stem ek 100% met jou saam. En ja, ek is nie sielsongelukkig hier nie, maar sjoe, hierdie politieke korrektheid maak my ook die moer in. Ek mis my swart kliente (veral die vrouens) baie net omdat dit altyd goed was om te sien hoe mense met die minimum verskriklik baie kan vermag. Partymaal voel ek die mense hier het nie 'n benul wat swaarkry is nie. Meskien het ek hierdie breuk (in OZ) nodig gehad net om weer biejie krag te kry vir al die swaarkry in SA, want later mergel dit jou ook maar uit.

Wel, ek wil ook nou nie die hele tyd gal braak nie. Oz het baie positiewe punte en ek geniet die gebrek aan diewe en verkragters sommer baie. Ek dink wat jy voel is baie normaal en onthou daar is min dinge waarvoor 'n glasie rooiwyn nie help nie.

O ja, ek weet nie of jy van lees hou nie, maar daar is 'n boek deur Milan Kundera: Ignorance. Daar is 'n paar goed waarmee jy sal kan identifiseer (dink ek)

Goetnis en sterkte in die land van melk en heuning.

Ps ek hoop die storie kom daar uit want dis die eerste keer dat ek iets post

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Applause to Simplymark's wife! You have described a phase we all need to go through very eloquently. It is because we come from a different frame of reference that the political correctness and other "flaws" of this country drives us mad at times.

Your words and this article has reminded me of the good qualities that South Africans bring to this country. A few true blue Aussies have told us that Australia is blessed having us here. We bring great diversity and color to this country with our skills, work ethics and culture.

Well done South Africans! It's good looking being reminded of our virtues as a group.

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I guess the challenge wil be to seek and create challenges for all of us to keep mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually fit !

That might be quite some challenge in itself !

PS: I guess the 'proudly South African'-thing is exactly that: we feel pleased with what a country of beauty and hardship and betrayal made of us. We like who we are because we lived to ascend above what's been thrown at us. We are proudly South African.

So true! It is such an irony that going through such hardships as many South Africans do, it can produce such beautiful and admirable characteristics in the end. That's what I mean when I say that we are assets to Australia and Aussies recognize beauty when they see it.

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So true! It is such an irony that going through such hardships as many South Africans do, it can produce such beautiful and admirable characteristics in the end. That's what I mean when I say that we are assets to Australia and Aussies recognize beauty when they see it.

Hardships that South Africans go through? Like the maid, and the tuinboy? There are other "hardships" that these Aussies are used to, that make us look like sissies.

I think South Africans are just arrogant, always thinking they work harder. Most of us haven't worked for a day, because we had cheap labour to abuse.

Think about that one mate...

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I left SA feeling proudly South African and still am. I was born and grew up in a beautiful country which gave me the opportunity of a 1st class education and has sadly developed problems and created a feeling in the citizens of fear and lack of opportunity. We made the move primarily to creat the opportunity for our daughters to have opportunities we believed we couldn't give them in SA, namely a tertiary education. We have been here two months now and this is a great country on many levels with its own problems. I still do believe my daughters will have opportunities now that we couldn't have give them in SA I do also worry about the new threats, possibly less obvious but no less life threatening. I see drug abuse on a scale that isn't seen in SA. Where in SA we are giving babies ARV's at birth to prevent HIV here we are giving babies morphine at very high doses to help them withdraw from the heroin that their Mom's were taking (these aren't first time Moms, they are still using and they have 2 - 3 others at home that aren't being looked after 'cos Mom and Dad are high) Alcohol abuse amongst kids seems very high, perhaps I was naive in SA but I didn't see teenagers and young people in their 20's spending their time on drunken weekends, it seems acceptable that your child gets drunk here which scares me. On the positive they are lovely people and I have been encouraged and praised and supported at work which is something that I didn't experience in SA, there you knew if you did something wrong, very quickly but praise was not offered freely. We knew that nowhere in the world is life perfect and we knew that the move was going to be positive and negative and I also see the worst types of cases at work so in some ways my view is tainted. We are still happy we made the move and need to be vigilent and prepare our girls for the society they grow up in and try and forwarn them as much as possible before they become teenagers and mostly listen to their peers.

Susan

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