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What to say when someone wants to go back


Joeemm
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Hi All

Here is a bit of a strange thought (at least for me) Someone I know is currently living in New Zealand, having moved from Zim via the Ireland. I fully appreciate that NZ may not be the warmest climate in the world but it is generally a safe place to raise children (IMHO). Now they are looking at going back to South Africa, maybe for good, they have 3 young children, which to me is just illogical.

Has anyone had a sim thing happen and how did they deal with it, I feel I want to shake them and sort of say "Hey wake up and smell the ... well not roses"

Anyway I know we can't decide for anyone but ourselves, but I'm a bit worried that they will make a big mistake. Especially with so many people on the forum wanting to come and applying for PR as soon as possible, seems like running into the fire if you know what I mean.

O well, I know we did the right thing for us.

Joseph

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You could mention your thoughts to them but at the end of the day, it is their decision...

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Hi Joseph

Difficult one that. We had a nephew and niece that were in the USA and decided to return to SA after 4 years. They had never been back in that time. We all suggested that they first go and visit and see what it is like, but they decided that they were not going to waste the money, they knew what they wanted and that was to go back to family and familiar things. This they then did, at huge cost, as they shipped their container back again.

Guess what, three months after they landed they absolutely knew that it had been the wrong decision, they then spent the next four years getting enough money together to get out again, which they did eight months ago.

I think sometimes you can just shake your head at people's decisions, but as Riekie says, in the end, they must do as they see fit.

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I don't know, I can't even convince many of the people close to me to consider emigrating in the first place, let alone trying to convince them not to go back.

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I also think you must mention your concerns etc... but at the end of the day it is their decision to make and live with.....

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If they can only give it at least a year. My father in law moved to NZ in June, having two sons over tehre and 5 grandchildren. He sold everything here except his car because he couldn't sell it. He bought a house in NZ, and in two months he decided to come back, just because he was not working and was not meeting people.

They sold the house in NZ and is back here.

I have done it twice. Left SA and within months I made up my mind to come back. Then it took longer to come back. By the time I had to come back I was used to the new place and did not want to come back.

Andrea

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This is a very difficult topic, and also very personal. I think everyones situations are different, and although you can voice your opinion, I think anyone who is in the frame of mind of wanting to move back, will only take offence and be even more determined to go if you say things like "You are crazy!", which I know many people would be thinking.

I've been in similar situations, lived in Oz for a year, moved back to SA, and back to Oz again...and by no means am I settled - I still think of moving back to SA every day. It's different for everyone. Some people land here and they feel at home right away, for others it never happens. And it's a tough life when you are living in a country but you feel out of place, all the time. What worries me is that there are people who have lived here for 7 or 10 years and then go back. Perhaps they are in the minority, but I do think more people are moving back than what we think. People who move back won't necessarily voice it as they know what reactions they will get!

If your friends have citizenship anywhere other than SA, then they always have a backdoor open to get out if they want to in the future. And if they don't, perhaps that is something you can mention to them that they might want to hang on until they can get that - you don't mention how long they've been in NZ? But at the end of the day, it is their decision and no one can tell them what to do. All I can say is that I do understand people who go back, even though we all know what is going on in SA - for some, family, friends and the feeling of belonging is just more important.....

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Wow, as usual a great response to a difficult question. Thanks everyone, we have of course voiced our thinking to our friends. Didn't think about the citizenship though. I do think the husband has European passport though. I point that out. Anyway thanks for the input, much appreciated as always.

And I do acknowledge that for some South Africa is just too hard to leave for what-ever reason, and I respect that as their right and of course can only wish them the best and that they find some sort of inner peace, just hope they don't regret it later.

Joseph

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A little late but here goes.

Sometimes you have to let people make their choices so that they can come full circle with themselves. It is often through our blunders and hardships that we best learn the lessons in life. Though it is difficult to witness someone going around in circles, we sometimes have to let people do what they have to. I have often looked back at choices I made and felt ashamed about them only to realize that the event turned out to be the best way for me to learn and grow. It is not fair to hold someone back and stunt their growth, but you are entitled to your opinions and advice to them.

Just my opinion... :)

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My sister and her young family moved back here after living in the UK for 8 years. As she was returning I was starting my PR application for Oz.I thought the she was crazy as she had a young child in tow and now has a second. She is so happy to be back in SA and has not looked back for a second - it just goes to show that it really is a personal choice. Funnily enough it is not the pampered lifestyle that she missed - just family, friends and familiarity. We are still pressing on with our PR as we feel that it is the right choice for our little boys. Coming back to SA was the right choice for her though - I think that you need to be supportive of people, whatever the decide!

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There has been a few requests to move this topic to 'Going Back' and to pin it for easy future reference. I am doing so.

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Maybe let them read this e-mail...

Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2008 4:00 PM

Subject: Totale kragonderbreking

Hi almal,

Ek is tans werksaam by een van die wêreld se grootste myngroepe. Vroeër vanjaar was die elektrisiteit-situasie in die land al baie kritiek en die groot myn groepe het met ESKOM onderhandel om 'n gedeelte van hul krag-gebruik op te gee om soedoende krag te bespaar. Na verdere NOOD samesprekings verlede week (einde Oktober 2008) met ESKOM, is daar aan die myne meegedeel dat Suid Afrika 'n sogenaamde "grid power failure" in die gesig staar - dit beteken dat daar dus 'n totale kragonderbreking in Suid Afrika sal wees wat vir MINSTENS 2 weke sal duur. Dit is nie iets wat vooraf beplan of beraam kan word nie, maar die feit dat daar nie meer genoeg elektrisieteits voorsiening is nie, is 'n definitiewe sekerheid. Die rede vir die twee weke is dat dit so lank neem om die situasie te herstel. Die myn-groepe het aanglegte vir oonde waar goud, platina, ens gesmelt word. Dis hierdie oonde (aanlegte) wat 'n groot gedeelte van die land se krag in beslag neem - Richardsbaai gebruik tans 18% van die totale elektrisiteit en siende dat dit nou somer is en daar BAIE meer krag gebruik word as in die winter as gevolg van lugversorgers, ens, is ons land se elektriese kapasiteit op 0% en nie meer op 'n vroeëre 15% nie. 'n Soortgelyke situasie het in Amerika plaasgevind.

Die verwagte totale krag-onderbreking word verwag teen Januarie / Februarie 2009. Hierdie is 'n nood situasie waarin mense gevra word om asseblief voortydig VOORSIENING te maak vir die tydperk. Die myne in die omliggende omgewing het reeds BAIE noodplanne in plek gestel – ons spesifieke myn moet +- 30 000 mense vanuit ondergrondse werksplekke ontruim, hospitale het noodplanne in plek om pasiente te versorg, ens.

Hierdie situasie gaan dan ook die volgende gevolge tot gevolg hê:

GEEN telefoon kommunikasie of enige ander vorm van kommunikasie

GEEN riolering na 2 dae

GEEN bankdienste

GEEN handel sal gedryf word nie

GEEN brandstof

MIN / geen mediese dienste

Mense sal voortydig onbederfbare kosse moet koop; GENOEGSAME water - dis seker die GROOTSTE probleem; kerse, gas, hout ens. Maak asseblief ook voorsiening op kroniese medikasies, nood medisyne, ens - vir die persone wat swembaddens het - genoegsame chloor. As julle 'n "OASIS" watersuiwerings besigheid in julle omgewing het – koop 25 Liter kanne water teen R120 'n kan – jy kan dit hervul teen R17.50 'n kan. Ons is pas deur 'n tydperk van GEEN water vir 9 dae - julle sal nie glo as ek vir julle sê dat die winkels nie meer chloor oor het nie as gevolg van mense wat hul water gesuiwer wou kry in hierdie tydperk nie. Mense, hierdie is ongelukkig realiteite - dis nie meer net sogenaamde gerugte wat die rondte doen nie.

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Maybe let them read this e-mail...

Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2008 4:00 PM

Subject: Totale kragonderbreking

Hi almal,

Ek is tans werksaam by een van die wêreld se grootste myngroepe. Vroeër vanjaar was die elektrisiteit-situasie in die land al baie kritiek en die groot myn groepe het met ESKOM onderhandel om 'n gedeelte van hul krag-gebruik op te gee om soedoende krag te bespaar. Na verdere NOOD samesprekings verlede week (einde Oktober 2008) met ESKOM, is daar aan die myne meegedeel dat Suid Afrika 'n sogenaamde "grid power failure" in die gesig staar - dit beteken dat daar dus 'n totale kragonderbreking in Suid Afrika sal wees wat vir MINSTENS 2 weke sal duur. Dit is nie iets wat vooraf beplan of beraam kan word nie, maar die feit dat daar nie meer genoeg elektrisieteits voorsiening is nie, is 'n definitiewe sekerheid. Die rede vir die twee weke is dat dit so lank neem om die situasie te herstel. Die myn-groepe het aanglegte vir oonde waar goud, platina, ens gesmelt word. Dis hierdie oonde (aanlegte) wat 'n groot gedeelte van die land se krag in beslag neem - Richardsbaai gebruik tans 18% van die totale elektrisiteit en siende dat dit nou somer is en daar BAIE meer krag gebruik word as in die winter as gevolg van lugversorgers, ens, is ons land se elektriese kapasiteit op 0% en nie meer op 'n vroeëre 15% nie. 'n Soortgelyke situasie het in Amerika plaasgevind.

Die verwagte totale krag-onderbreking word verwag teen Januarie / Februarie 2009. Hierdie is 'n nood situasie waarin mense gevra word om asseblief voortydig VOORSIENING te maak vir die tydperk. Die myne in die omliggende omgewing het reeds BAIE noodplanne in plek gestel – ons spesifieke myn moet +- 30 000 mense vanuit ondergrondse werksplekke ontruim, hospitale het noodplanne in plek om pasiente te versorg, ens.

Hierdie situasie gaan dan ook die volgende gevolge tot gevolg hê:

GEEN telefoon kommunikasie of enige ander vorm van kommunikasie

GEEN riolering na 2 dae

GEEN bankdienste

GEEN handel sal gedryf word nie

GEEN brandstof

MIN / geen mediese dienste

Mense sal voortydig onbederfbare kosse moet koop; GENOEGSAME water - dis seker die GROOTSTE probleem; kerse, gas, hout ens. Maak asseblief ook voorsiening op kroniese medikasies, nood medisyne, ens - vir die persone wat swembaddens het - genoegsame chloor. As julle 'n "OASIS" watersuiwerings besigheid in julle omgewing het – koop 25 Liter kanne water teen R120 'n kan – jy kan dit hervul teen R17.50 'n kan. Ons is pas deur 'n tydperk van GEEN water vir 9 dae - julle sal nie glo as ek vir julle sê dat die winkels nie meer chloor oor het nie as gevolg van mense wat hul water gesuiwer wou kry in hierdie tydperk nie. Mense, hierdie is ongelukkig realiteite - dis nie meer net sogenaamde gerugte wat die rondte doen nie.

I heard yesterday that this is a hoax. Sounds like a shrewd marketing strategy for OASIS !

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Ek het ook al die laaste paar maande hierdie storie oor en oor gehoor. Eers was dit weer in die winter word meer krag gebruik a.g.v verwarmers etc.

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I have been inAustralia since 1974, we arrived via an 11 day trip from Cape Town to Sydney, first port of call was Fremantle, and what a surprise, we only met 2 South Africans on the boat, most were a mix of Ossies, Kiwis, Maltese and some Italians.

After the long trip it was so good to get off the boat and get the land legs back and away from all the pasta - it was an Italian migrant ship. Myself and my wife the two South African we met started to hitch a lift and a couple of Ossies that worked on the prawn trawlers up north picked us and when we told them we were from the boat on the way to Sydney and we were new arrivals, they took us first to a KFC - yes I can hear those home grown remarks - where we had our first bit of chicken since departing Cape Town.

They took us everywhere Kings Park, up the coast to all the beaches and entertained us for the whole day and would not take any money, at the end of the day we went to the pub down at Freo harbour and had a few beers, and in those days you could only buy a six pack each from the bar, there was no Sunday sales like today, as they were going to a party that night we each bought a six pack of long neck Carlton Draught gave it to them for their party and set off to the boat to continue our journey, that was our introduction to Australia, you could not wish for anything better when arriving in a new country.

The folks that arive here now days have so much support like this web site - as there was no internet those days - I know the hardest thing without any support is missing the family back in SA, but I can truly say we have never ever had regrets moving to Australia, all I say is you need to give it a minimum of 18 months before thinking of going home. I tried to get every one of our families to migrate once we got citizenship and offered to be guarantors as there were no specilized vizas in those days, they all declined.

So sit back, relax have a beer or two at the barbie and throw a shrimp or two on the barbie and enjoy the ride it is really worth it as South Africans have a good reputation of working hard and just meet people and enjoy.

Cheers DeBeers

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Hi,

I agree, I think and know of a few people that want to move back to SA but they don't want to tell people of that because of the fact that they will be crucified for his "bad" decision. This is a fantastic forum for people that want to go to OZ and unfortunately we were not so lucky for now-maybe another day.

But what about the ones that wants to come back to SA? There are no moral support for them. You get people that can survive anywhere but some just can’t make that big leap to the unknown (I think we would be able to do that-hopefully) but once you are in your new country you would rather die than to admit that it was the wrong move.

Perhaps I am opening a can of worms because I am sure there are quite a lot of people (even on this forum) that are so very unhappy and would love to come back to SA. I also think it goes both ways, we really wanted to go and could not go right now, maybe there are some that want to come back but they just not want to know or who to tell because everybody will just tell you that you are either stupid, unreasonable or you will definitely be sorry in two years time. I know that is the purpose of this forum, to keep people positive and to assist them with reasons to stay.

I think the worst thing for me right now is to find something positive to stay in SA because we can’t go. And I must admit if you really try hard and your remove your negative thinking, you can go on in SA, there are positive things you only need to look a bit harder, but I am trying. SA is not such a bad place, you need to be positive. OZ is fantastic (we were there on fantastic LSD) and I am sure a lot of Saners would give anything to go, but if it is not for you it is not for you, and if you are unhappy, come back. The other thing that I have noticed from friends in Oz and Nz is that they trive on the bad things happening in SA, they do not want to hear about the nice and good things from SA.

Hopefully I will not be crucified or judged about my response but I am on both sides. I wanted to go but can't and I am trying to find reasons to stay. Anybody that is affraid to be judged on the reasons as to why they want to come back is welcome to PM me, I will not judge, I will help you to find something positive.

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I think it all depends on your reasons for wanting to leave. Some leave for an adventure, some feel pushed out of SA, some feel pulled towards another place, and some have personal reasons. I believe in supporting people who want to go back but at the same time, I wonder how much thought they really put into the move in the first place. When people tell you that it is NOT easy, I think they just shrug that bit off. And it really is important.

My worry is about the people who go overseas, struggle to settle (missing people, home, the difficulty of starting over in a new place etc). They then go back to SA. And within a few months they realise they should have stayed overseas. The reasons they had for leaving didnt magically disappear while they were away for a while! And by this time, its too late, they have exhausted their finances on 2 big moves.

I am also on both sides. Especially at this time of year, people need support. And hell, if you end up going back to SA, at least you had a big avdenture for a little while?!

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Once you land in another country, you realize that South Africa is not as bad as people make it out to be. Yes there are issues, but other countries have their own. Until you leave, you have no idea how much you will miss friends and family. You miss the feeling of belonging and having familiar things and places around you. You have no idea how much you will miss simple things like Enterprise viennas, Pampers nappies and low fat yoghut with fruit pieces. And what I miss a great deal is south africa's Woolies!

Before you leave South Africa, know why you are making this move. You are going to need to remind yourself once you have landed and start to feel homesick. When I go to bed at night and I think about the fact that I am going to sleep without burglar bars, armed response, guard dogs and high walls - I remember why I made this move.

South Africa is a beautiful country and we have loved ones there. I get upset when people sit abroad and bash the country. South Africa will always be 'home' in my heart and I am sad that i was 'forced' to leave due to the situation with crime and racism, etc. Having been in Oz for 3 months now, I understand why people go back.

The bottom line is - don't criticize people for their choices. We all must make our own.

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I second that Charmaine.

I have been here a month tomorrow. Still early days and tears dont seem to be drying up just yet, especially with Christmas being tomorrow. Now that I am here I realise this country also has its set of problems, and I wonder sometimes if things were really that bad back in SA to make me pack up my whole life. We dont see too much here on Aus tv about S Africa (except sport of course) so you tend to quickly forget all the problems.

However, I cannot say I miss SAfrica the country. What I do miss is the familiarity of things there. I am someone who likes routine. Here is Aus I start learning all over again at 41. Things I thought were over and done with - like my drivers - I start again. The accents are hard to understand and everything is different - everything !!! The unknown makes me very uncomfortable. But its a choice I made and I must live with it - I will try my darnest to embrace everything Australian.

I realise too that the life I left behind has moved on - my comfort zone is gone and I must make a new one. There is no way I will go for a walk in SA at 9pm, sleep with no burglar bars, etc etc. Like Bob says, do your 1000 day Australian Apprentiship - once you've served that then decide.

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I have not made the move yet but i can already see how hard it is going to be once we land, its hard enough selling up and giving up all that is familiar to me, not to mention friends and family who we will possible never see again.

I think that for some it will be too hard and they will come back, i would be the last to judge them as everyone has a right to do what makes them happy. My decision is based on the fact that we simply dont feel safe anymore.

Like a friend said to me yesterday the ladies need more time to settle in as even going to the shops is an ordeal as you dont know where everything is or if you are being ripped off etc. It takes time to learn these things. I have been through loads of things and I must say immigration is the one thing that has been very very hard for me, i miss things even though i have not even left!!!

Merry xmas to all.

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Happy people are happy anywhere unhappy people will never be happy regardless so just wish them a bon voyage its their choice

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