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Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm

leaving you for good.

I've been a good man to you for seven years, and I

have nothing to show for it

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called

to tell me that you had quit your job today, and that

was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I

had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal,

and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You came home and ate in two minutes, then went

straight to sleep after watching all your soaps. You

don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want to

have sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating

on me or you don't love me anymore.

Whatever the case is, I am gone.

Your EX - Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are

moving away to West Virginia together!

Have a great life!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your

letter. It is true that you and I have been married

for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from

what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your

constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't

work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week.

The first thing that came to mind was, "You look just

like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to

say anything, if you can't say anything nice. And

when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten

me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating

steak seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those silk boxers

on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed

that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just

borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your

new silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we

could work it out. So, when I discovered that I had

hit the lottery for Ten Million Dollars, I quit my job

and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got

home you were gone. Everything happens for a

reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that with your letter you wrote, you

won't get a dime from me. So take care.


Rich and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla,

my sister, was born CARL. I hope that's not a


Change is good.

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