Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

[Borg's]

Hi there

We've been here 2 months and although we all love Sydney, it just isn' easy. I'm the visa holder and am also guilt-ridden, besides we have added intricicies, for both of us it's a second marriage, which meant that my husband left his 2 girls in SA, my kids' father is in SA.

I need help, does anyone know of councellors that we can see/contact to help with this. Feel like a fish out of water. The people are great, yet it's difficult to make friends, no matter what you're just not an Aussie, suppose we'll feel like outsiders for a while. Suppose the honeymoon period is over and reality now sinks in.

I really need someone to help my husband, and kids.

Great to be know there's others that feels the same, have experienced this already.

Keep well

Anne

[polly]

Ok, got a brochure at the police station when we went for fingerprints for police clearance, but lost it Basically this is for victims of crime. They help with counselling, support, etc.

http://www.justice.vic.gov.au/wps/wcm/conn...t/Home/Victims/

Crime helpline: 1800 819 817

http://www.vcss.org.au/

http://www.victimsofcrime.com.au/

Anne, I hope you can find someone to help. I did a search and came up with these. I hope something helps.

Family Relationships Advice Line 1800 050 321, http://www.familyrelationships.gov.au

http://www.familyrelationships.org/

http://www.couplecounselling.com.au/

http://www.sydneycounselling.com.au/staff/index.asp

[dabb]

Hi there

We've been here 2 months and although we all love Sydney, it just isn' easy. I'm the visa holder and am also guilt-ridden, besides we have added intricicies, for both of us it's a second marriage, which meant that my husband left his 2 girls in SA, my kids' father is in SA.

I need help, does anyone know of councellors that we can see/contact to help with this. Feel like a fish out of water. The people are great, yet it's difficult to make friends, no matter what you're just not an Aussie, suppose we'll feel like outsiders for a while. Suppose the honeymoon period is over and reality now sinks in.

I really need someone to help my husband, and kids.

Great to be know there's others that feels the same, have experienced this already.

Keep well

Anne

Hi

Many counsillors and psychologists advertise in the Yellow Pages. Some psychologists can also claim from Medicare if you have a referral from your GP. So if you are on PR, you could go to your GP and ask for a referral to a psychologist and then it won't cost you much. The GP might also know which psychologist might be good for your situation.

Hope this helps.

D

[AllisonW]

Hi all, i just wanted to add although i am still in SA so cannot really appreciate your experiences - yet.

One of the dangers of emigration is that we are told all the time that when in Oz do as the Ozzies do. The message is that we need to assimilate into the new culture asap. There is value in this message but i also think that it is a very high (perhaps unreasonable - certainly stressful) expectation. As a south african you have had very different experiences. Value those experiences. Be proud of who you are. This is part of the reason why i never label myself a refugee. This label takes away my power. You are an explorer, an adventurer. You are tough. You have life experience. Celebrate who you are as a person.

I think that as white south africans we underestimate just how african we are. I have travelled in Europe and US and Africa. I am always struck by how little i identify with some of the people from Europe and the US. I seem loud, i talk with my hands, i hug people. In SA i am really normal. I was on a train in Barcelona when i met a black man from Cape Town and i have never felt more homesick. I spoke to him for ages! I just couldnt get enough of him. He got me! He knew the context of my life. There were so many little things that i didnt have to explain to him. I felt so African.

I am one of those South Africans who will always celebrate where i come from. I told Hubby that the first year that i am in Oz i am going to have a party at my home on the 27th April and invite all my neighbours over for drinks. This land has been good to me. I am sure that Australians who get to know you will find you charming - maybe a little exotic, loud but charming none the less. I think the trick is your comfort level with yourself and your roots.

I think that part of the success of this forum is the fact that South Africans do celebrate themselves. We want a community. We want to retain our heritage. We can do it. Think of ethnic groups like Italians in the US. We can be Australian and African at the same time. Thats why i want to bring my children back to SA frequently. I think that they will be well rounded as a result. They can have the soft experience of Oz but understand where i come from.

Thanks to those who shared: I know it has been said so many times before but this is really not for sissies!

Al

[AllisonW]

Ps: A lot has been said about the Bill Bryson book about Oz on the forum - it is really great. Well i have read many of his others. He wrote one about Britain called "a small island". He was born in the US, moved to UK, lived, married and had kids there. When his kids were teenagers the whole family packed up and moved to the US. He says in the book that he never wanted his kids to grow up in one place - as it would make them decidely "boring". He wanted them to be global citizens. I found that really inspiring.

[Karen-in-Brisbane]

Hi All... Reading this topic has really made me sit up and wonder if leaving SA is the best thing to do.... As one of those who feels so impatient and just wants to get things moving so we can apply for a visa - I read how sad so mny of you are and wonder if in the end it is really worth while.... One of my bosses went to Oz several years ago and after one year he returned. He said he felt like a refugee and nobody understood his sense of humour. I must mention that he is probably going to move to UK now...or in the not too distant future...

Still nobody can really understand what immigrating is really like.. I see it as an adventure and look forward to experiencing a new culture and getting away from Taxis and corrupt politics etc... crime out of control and AA, BEE and EE....

Is it worthwhile??? Please tell me it is or all this energy is going to waste....

[Good Witch]

Hi all, i just wanted to add although i am still in SA so cannot really appreciate your experiences - yet.

One of the dangers of emigration is that we are told all the time that when in Oz do as the Ozzies do. The message is that we need to assimilate into the new culture asap. There is value in this message but i also think that it is a very high (perhaps unreasonable - certainly stressful) expectation. As a south african you have had very different experiences. Value those experiences. Be proud of who you are. This is part of the reason why i never label myself a refugee. This label takes away my power. You are an explorer, an adventurer. You are tough. You have life experience. Celebrate who you are as a person.

I think that as white south africans we underestimate just how african we are. I have travelled in Europe and US and Africa. I am always struck by how little i identify with some of the people from Europe and the US. I seem loud, i talk with my hands, i hug people. In SA i am really normal. I was on a train in Barcelona when i met a black man from Cape Town and i have never felt more homesick. I spoke to him for ages! I just couldnt get enough of him. He got me! He knew the context of my life. There were so many little things that i didnt have to explain to him. I felt so African.

I am one of those South Africans who will always celebrate where i come from. I told Hubby that the first year that i am in Oz i am going to have a party at my home on the 27th April and invite all my neighbours over for drinks. This land has been good to me. I am sure that Australians who get to know you will find you charming - maybe a little exotic, loud but charming none the less. I think the trick is your comfort level with yourself and your roots.

I think that part of the success of this forum is the fact that South Africans do celebrate themselves. We want a community. We want to retain our heritage. We can do it. Think of ethnic groups like Italians in the US. We can be Australian and African at the same time. Thats why i want to bring my children back to SA frequently. I think that they will be well rounded as a result. They can have the soft experience of Oz but understand where i come from.

Thanks to those who shared: I know it has been said so many times before but this is really not for sissies!

Al

Alison,

Like you I too am still in ZA, in the process of migrating to Aus. So for me this is also a huge adventure, albeit at times stressful and at times emotional (the prospect of leaving loved ones behind.) I also don't see myself as a refugee or someone who will be living in exile, not at all... I am in complete control of my choice to live in Australia, and I exercise that choice with gratitude for the opportunity. I see us as adventurers, just like our forefathers many generations ago who braved the unknown to create new lives for themselves in Africa. There is something very 'romantic' about new beginnings... Don't you think? Hubby & I are determined to grab this opportunity with both hands, knowing that it won't always be easy or pain-free... But, failure is not an option... So, Australia here we come... warts and all!

I will never deny my African-ness, but, I will happily embrace my evolving identity as I become Australianized...

[chelseabun74]

Roper, I HAVE to stress that it is COMPLETELY WORTH it to come to Australia. What you read here are people's thoughts that they have on that particular day. Please don't imagine that we go through life in Australia feeling like this every day. If I had to post every single day you'd see that my good days far outweigh the bad. I would hate to think we have put you off or scared you to the point where you feel you won't bother.....if I got you to believe that I would truly feel that I have robbed a fellow SAn of a normal, healthy and even beautiful existence. I only know of a very few who couldn't deal with the move and decided to go back to SA. It's as if every day there are more and more of us on the Gold Coast. How's this for an example: recently I noticed at the butcher they are selling "beef jerky/biltong". Yep it is labelled just like that. We are certainly NOT all sad. We just go through times where we feel a little too different from the general nation. It's a little uncomfortable at times, but nowhere near as uncomfortable as the continuous feeling of unsafety we had in SA. Another thing to remember is that Australia is full of migrants so when I feel different I look around me and notice the Serbians, Italians, Greeks, Asians, a smattering of Germans, and a couple of Swedes who all speak with their own accents and I feel quite all right. In fact I quite like talking to other foreigners because there is a sort of understanding between us.

Put it this way: if I could do this all over again I would!!! Obviously this is your own personal choice but I just hate that you may have got the completely wrong picture by a few posts.

[CHARM'S]

Hi All... Reading this topic has really made me sit up and wonder if leaving SA is the best thing to do.... As one of those who feels so impatient and just wants to get things moving so we can apply for a visa - I read how sad so mny of you are and wonder if in the end it is really worth while.... One of my bosses went to Oz several years ago and after one year he returned. He said he felt like a refugee and nobody understood his sense of humour. I must mention that he is probably going to move to UK now...or in the not too distant future...

Still nobody can really understand what immigrating is really like.. I see it as an adventure and look forward to experiencing a new culture and getting away from Taxis and corrupt politics etc... crime out of control and AA, BEE and EE....

Is it worthwhile??? Please tell me it is or all this energy is going to waste....

Hi Roper

Please don't get the wrong idea. I think you need to understand this, we are not sorry we left we are sorry things in S.A.

became so bad that we had to leave our beautifully country. Even with this feeling of being in "NO MAN'S LAND" I must

stress if I had to do it all over again I would do a few things differently only because I know more about what's what about what but I will still come to OZ.

In my opinion the stress of new things to learn eg. Putting petrol into your own vehicle not a big deal for all especially

for men but for me this was quite stressful to do for the first time. After a few times we except this is how its done and

whalla we manage. I think a lot of the stress we go thru is the unknown of it all. We all worked so hard and so long to

get the visa and the stress of waiting for it to be approved and the move. I remember the last few months in S.A. before

we left I kept thinking if only we can get going before we become a crime statistic. We as a family were lucky we did

not have any serious crime situations to deal with. Every day I still experience something and say that would not have

worked or happened in S.A. Don't get me wrong Oz has it fare share of crime but its dealt with.

When we draw at the ATM you don't have the fear that someone will hit you over the head. Today we went into a

large hardware store and after finding what we wanted we paid at the till in the center of the store and walked out

with the goods in our hand thru the whole store. It is almost as though Ozzies have trust in people and they don't

suspect you will steel on your way out. That is a good feeling.

So please don't give up now. Remember why you are looking at leaving and you will find the strength to continue.

Vas byt

CHARM'S

[Karen-in-Brisbane]

Thanks to you all for the encouragement. I know it is going to be tough...... It will mean leaving my family and we are very cloe...including a married daughter.... sob!!! I am hoping I can go and prepare a place for the day when they decide to leave as well. I think this site is fantastic and I am hooked to reading all the bits of advice.

I think you are all wonderful for giving such a good persective on the matter as nothing can prepare one for the reality. We will not know anyone and have no family there so it is HUGE for us....

I am not put off... I promise.

Thanks again!!!

[chelseabun74]

Phew, huge sigh of relief from me, Roper. As we say is Australia, good on ya!!!

[Karen-in-Brisbane]

Phew, huge sigh of relief from me, Roper. As we say is Australia, good on ya!!!

I am one of those VERY ENTHUSIASTIC people too... so at least if you are there I know there will be at least two..... :

Where in Oz are you?

[Karen-in-Brisbane]

Sorry - I see - The Gold Coast...

We hoping to go to Brisbane as I have a Job offer there ....Depends if the visa (ENS 121) is granted....

[Sandi]

I've certainly had my fair share of what you're describing.

We've beein in Aus for just over a year. My son was turning 4 when we arrived & my daughter was just 7 weeks old. We lived in Melbourne for 11 months & I can't say I ever had a day where I didn't wish I was back home. We've moved to Perth in the last 2 months & it's much better. I really like it here & feel more 'at home'. I still have my bad home sick days but it seems to be getting easier.

I'll say though that I never want to repeat the past year. Aside from enjoying spending time with my daughter in her first year of life, I really cannot think of anything worth reliving in the past year.

[Morrie]

Hi Everybody

I just stumbled across this post now for the first time and can honestly say that there is something in everybody's response that I have experienced personally!!

We've arrived in Feb 2004. I organised everything, and got depressed for the first time in my life once our furniture arrived and everything was the way I planned. I realised very quickly I will have to now get another goal, as the Re-location I've planned for the 4 years prior has been succesfully completed.

I got a job, battled for more than a year to feel part of the people, but they have all accepted me the way I am - too excited - too cheerfull!!! and arrogant!! I use to start all my sentences wit "listen" until 1 lady said to me "Why the bloody hell should I listen to you???" it shocked me and then I realised that I say it all the time. I've made a very concerted effort to stop and now they just joke about that.

We have a number of good friends - ex-SA, some Aussies and Kiwis. I've realised how important it is too have more than just 1 good friend. I've built up a support system, so that when the kids have holidays, or they are sick and needs to be picked up urgently from school, I can "phone a friend"

2 months ago I had an accident at a roundabout (she pulled off and then stopped again!!!). I was OK and as soon as I got to work, and I've told everybody about it, I started feeling nauseas, dizzy, just horrible. Had to go and lie down for about 2 hours. It only got worse over the weekend and eventually I went to the doctor the Tuesday morning. He said - Post traumatic stress disorder. He said he's seen it in so many ex-SA's. We use to live under tremendous stress, adreline running full all the time. then we get here, and slowly get so relaxed that when something small happens, it triggers the "underlying stress" we've never dealt with.

So, what has worked for me:

A glass of wine every night so that I am relaxed enough to go to sleep!!!!!

I talk a lot, tell people how I feel. that works for me.

I have always been very involved in a church and obviously my relationship with God has carried me through the tough times.

Knowing that most other immigrants feel similar at some point, also helps!!

I have however found that people on this Forum are more open and honest about their real feelings, than what people are when you meet them in person.

Often when I meet people, I feel that I have to be positive, not complain, be gratefull and sometimes we're just too proud to admit we're doing it tough!

I think that has a lot to do with the feeling of being anonymous. I joined at first because I love helping people and giving people advice, but have found that I've received many "lifts" from it, especially the last 2 months.

So thank you, for being my personal Support Group!!

May you all be happy and content - sooner than you thought possible.

Susan

[KirstyP]

Wow!

You are all such amazingly strong people. You have left your homes and loved ones, you have moved half way across the world, you have wept and suffered and yet you are still able to pick eachother up and share your stories... I hope that when the time comes I too will have the strength to put myself out there and accept the love and help from which ever corner it comes.

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.

Edited September 19, 2008 by KirstyP

[chelseabun74]

Roper, good luck with your visa being granted. That is one of the toughest parts - the waiting!

Morrie, thanks for your post. You've come up with a genius idea...why don't all of us who are already living in Oz make a helpful list for the others who are still in the process of coming to Australia....I mean we can make a list of what not to say or do so that they can cut out the funny looks and possible cold shoulders from their behaviour. You brought up the fact that we mustn't say "listen". This is so true! Mine was "believe me". Don't say these things, guys. The Aussies misinterpret it to think you are bossing them around or being too pushy. I have to watch myself a lot not to sound pushy when by South African standards I'm really a push over!! Don't say, "you MUST come to visit me". Lose the "must". We have to softely suggest things. Tiring at times, but you get used to it. You can't even speak the way I'm speaking now (telling people not to do things, even if you're really just trying to help). Morrie, please share as much as you can how you toned yourself down so that people wouldn't see you as abrupt and arrogant. I need help with that. I was crushed when an Aussie told me that we saffers are so abrupt. I was hurt....ouch!!!!!!!! Little did she know that we are one of the most caring and helpful nations on the planet.

Here are a few other you may want to cut out of your vocab immediately:

shame - rather say, "oh you poor thing"....this was hard for me because I was worried I sounded sarcastic or condescending, ahaha.

Ja - say yes or yeah because sometimes they are not sure if you're saying no....it also just sounds really foreign in Australia.

I'm still not sure how to stop sounding to harsh but hubby says I must answer in a questioning voice instead of a statement voice. I mean he says I should go up at the end of my sentence? Like a question? They do that.

Morrie, maybe you can help me on that point?

Hey, has anyone else felt like their perfectly good English accent is not understood????? That sucks. It's a major confidence breaker when you feel like you're talking underwater the whole time. URGH!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what I do wrong when I speak to Aussie mum's kids but the moms don't seem to warm to my "way". I like to be friendly and warm but they don't seem to really like it. I'm stumped what I'm doing wrong there. Morrie??? Any thoughts?

That's all I can think of now. I've always called a tea towel a dish cloth but a dish cloth here is a kitchen cloth. The first time I heard Aussie mums calling their little sons "mate" I thought it was a joke. But it's not. My mom always called me mate when she was very angry with me and being sarcastic. Lol!!

[Alida]

I feel thankful en also proud to be part of a group of people with character and strength, may it rub off on me too !!

[Sibella]

I don't know what I do wrong when I speak to Aussie mum's kids but the moms don't seem to warm to my "way". I like to be friendly and warm but they don't seem to really like it. I'm stumped what I'm doing wrong there. Morrie??? Any thoughts?

Shame, ja, well ... (at least I know you will know what I mean ) I live in the UK but I feel exactly the same. I always feel like I'm saying the wrong thing and always talk too much (and I am quite shy but here you wouldn't say it!)

Like for instance after Christmas a 'mum' at school asked how my christmas was and I said 'well it was ok not great my husband's aunt came to visit, she was supposed to come on her own but then she and her husband had a fight so she came alone so it was a bit depressing and we just stayed at home.'

She looked quite 'fraught' after all that. I realized what I should have said was fine and yours?

I have only made friends (well kind of) with one English mum and I will be chatting away with her on the playground while we are waiting for the kids and then suddenly mid sentence she will say something like 'I've gotta go' but the she doesn't go anywhere - she just hangs around chatting with someone else?!

Then I feel all confused and think she does not really want to be friends but then she invites me to her baby's christening? How odd...

So my point is - it is really sad and we will try to fit in and stop saying 'ja' (I met a woman at a toddler group yesterday and I knew she was South African because she kept saying 'ja' and then when we started talking she told me they have been in the UK for seven years!! She sounds like she moved here yesterday.

So my final point is no matter what when we open our mouths people will know we are not English or Australian or wherever we are at. And we can try to fit in but I don't think anywhere but home will ever be home for us. At least our children will be fine.

[chelseabun74]

Sibella, thanks heaps for taking the time to tell me that you get what I'm saying about talking to the kids. It helps a lot to know I'm not crazy, imagining things.

I get your point, Sibella...with your "shame, ja, well" all in one go, roflol!!! I really do. I think you are completely correct when you say that we shouldn't really stop saying ja etc to try to fit in. I suppose we just do what we think works for us and for me I feel when I say ja and shame it just puts the spot light on me and I hate to be in the lime light as I am very shy too (I believe you are too...I know it's much easier to write things down). I just want every one to know who ever reads this that I most certainly do NOT put on any sort of Aussie accent by any means. I sound as SA as the day I got off the plane. I'm not saying I believe in being a phoney, to me personally it just makes my life that little bit easier if I prune my vocab a bit. See it as my own pathetic little compromise.

Okay, I have to say that I totally get what you're saying about feelng like you always talk too much. I feel like I'm too "gushy". Your experience with a mum talking about your Christmas could've been me. I've had that reaction so that's what's caused me to just smile and be really nice and bland.

I don't for a moment believe that I'll fool people into thinking I'm Aussie....that would be impossible. I'm just trying to make my day to day existence a bit more comfortable...I guess I'm trying to lessen any quizzical looks. On the other hand if miraculously my accent did suddenly become Aussie I would accept it. Sometimes I think it's easier for Afrikaans people who never used to speak much English because I've heard a few who have the coolest, funkiest Aussie-esq accents and they are NOT putting it on.

Well Sibella this whole thing is difficult...but as you say at least our children will be 100 % fine. That is the truth. In fact I say that all the time. Take care

[Shelly*]

Thanks for the post, chelseabun74! - It really resonated with me.

I have just returned from my first trip to Aus - Sydney. We're still in the middle of the visa application process, but this was a business trip.

I was really put off by how little I related to the Australian's at the hotel reception (we had some difficultly with internet, bills etc), . I felt I was talking a foreign language! I also thought they were really rude. Luckily, I was sharing a room with a fellow South African, who also didn't understand their reaction. Unlike some of the other posters, I'm not shy - I'm open and emphatic and enthusiastic for a South African, so I now realise that I must have seemed completely crazy to them! Unfortunately, the experience REALLY put me off emigrating, even though Sydney is SO beautiful and I'm now back in the Zuma crisis....and have 2 little kids. I don't want to have to tone down and be boring....

Anyway, my 2c.

[MarcK]

I have not moved to Australia yet....so I have not experienced the stress of the move etc...I do think that the waiting is the worst part!!

My siblings have all lived in the UK for the past 8 years and still speak with a South African accent. But they have developed their own British twangs and avoid using the Ja etc... so people understand them better. They are proud of their South African connection and heritage but just feel the need to try to use the local words etc... to fit in better so they can be understood. Its quite weird listening them on a phone conversation with a work colleague and then ending the call and switching straight back to SA english!!

[Bob]

Interesting post by you lot.

I shouldn't worry overly much about what to say or what not to say. If you feel like "Ja-ing" or saying 'Shame", go for it. If the bloke at the other end doesn't get your drift, you can always say it again.

If they get upset, tell them to bugger off.

A number of small minded Australians just wake up on the wrong side of bed in the morning and want someone to kick.

Give them the flick and move on to talk to some other friendlier Australians who aren't going to be so "picky".

It's not all YOUR fault. Some Aussies need to lighten up, too, and another Australian would soon put them in their place!

Above all . . . . BE yourselves.

There's not much else that drives others away than a "desperate" person who talks and talks and talks and talks, monopolising others for fear of them shifting away.

Give others the "space" and time that they are used to having and don't always grasp at them and monopolise them.

That is desperation stuff.

Be cool, easy going and friendly . . . and slowly build up a circle of mates that you can chat to, laugh with and invite around from time to time.

. . . . and don't take crap from anyone, either.

Aussies can be blunt and rude if they've got out of bed on the wrong side that particular day, but it doesn't mean you've got to wear it!

You are better than that . . . . and don't deserve that sort of stuff being dished out.

[Alida]

Bob, thank you so much ! You really blow a cool breeze over all the feverish frenzy ! Us South Africans are generally crippled by inappropriate guilt, being told for more than a decade now that we have no right to have a say, a meaning, a place, a job. I guess it will take some time for most of us to start believing in ourselves as peers to any other human being !

It sounds terrible, but I believe that that is the essence. We constantly feel the need to defend ourselves, but we feel guilty to do it too, being harassed and told off for too long, even though we would even disagree that that was the case !

Thank you for your participation in the forum, we appreciate.

[Julie K]

Hi again

Long time since I was on this forum. But I hear what you all say, especially you, Bronwyn about the irrelevant, boring conversations. I feel as if I am from another planet entirely and can only relate to people here on a very superficial level. That, for me, takes huge amounts of energy and when I don't have the energy to do this, then I simply become very withdrawn.

I think it must be terribly hard to settle when you have left parents and grandparents behind. My social links in SA are with a sister and my friends but I haven't left any other family there, and in this way I am very fortunate. This must be terribly hard on you. Like you, though, I feel like I am in limbo, neither here nor there. The extent of my anger is deep and it is most likely to be felt most when an Aussie shows blatant ignorance of the SA situation yet has a strong opinion on it. I cannot credit some of the comments I have received about SA from Aussies and I have felt judged for being a "white" South African, like South Africa's predicament is all due to Apartheid. I am sure some of its problems are due to apartheid, but hell, I wasn't the instrument of that system. Gosh, I became a South African after I moved there from Zimbabwe!

I feel very misunderstood too. I have wondered whether I should try and get a South African woman's support group going for all us woman out there who are struggling to 'connect' over here. I am still thinking about this. Perhaps I should put the suggestion out there and get a feel for the need.

Anyway I am sorry to hear that after being here almost 2 yrs, you are still struggling. At least you know that you aren't the only one with these feelings. And at least I know that I am not alone with this stuff either.

Thanks for opening up about how it has been for you.

Julie

[quote name='Julie K' date='Aug 2 2008, 12:55 PM' post='142140'

I also wonder how long it takes to feel like one fits in with the people here. I work with the most wonderful people; caring and considerate and so trusting to the point of naivete, I think. I feel so inadequate next to them at times because I feel very cynical about alot of things and often feel really angry and am certainly no longer trusting. My interactions with the Ozzies I work with are fraught with ambivalent feelings. They appear so psychologically unblemished compared with many of us South Africans and although I understand the reasons for this difference, I sometimes think I will never truly relate to them. I just hope I am not alone in feeling like such a misfit.

Great summary Julie. I share your ambivalence. I have had (and continue to have) a very hard time interacting with Australians, for those reasons. I am amazed that 19 months after moving here I have not met one Australian I would really want to befriend. I have had a tough time adapting, to say the least. I find the conversations I have completely boring and irrelevant. I sometimes just look on in amazement and wonder 'Where is your personality?'. No doubt this is what's keeping me isolated. But I really don't mind. I find even going to the shops a huge chore and actively avoid people now. I seem to be misunderstood quite often and have had several run-ins with what I perceive to be rude, arrogant people.

To make matters worse I do feel a huge amount of guilt for leaving parents (in their 60's and with no pensions), grand-parents (80+ and I am the apple of ther eye), my sister (not doing great financially), etc. I feel very, very angry about all this. I just feel I am in limbo, waiting for something better. I cannot go forward and I cannot go back. I know I don't want to live in SA again, but this isn't really 'living' either. Will I ever be happy here?