Not doing so well..

[Gecko]

I dont think there are words to explain my emotions right now!

 

Our visa was granted 2 Aug.. and since then its just been a roller coaster of emotions, issues and sorting out.

 

Hubby leaves next week already and the kids and I are leaving on the 11th Dec. I wanted them to finish the school year here. Im left with packing up the house next month while hubby is that side, starting the job, finding us a place to stay and sorting out a car etc.. Im ending it, hes starting it basically.

 

My issue is that I seriously feel like Im on the verge of an emotional breakdown, every single day.. Im nauseous and cant eat. Im always on edge. Even accused my poor husband of having an affair!!! Thats how emotionally unstable I am right now! I have no problems falling asleep but I wake up at stupid times after having nightmares or a sudden thought about how Im going to wash the curtains before the movers get here when I dont have a washing machine - stupid things! Ive been trying to give up smoking for 2 months now... but Im now chain smoking! Ontop of sorting out what to take with, what to sell, selling stuff, cleaning stuff, sorting out the cat's travel arrangements, documents etc - I have 2 kids about to start exams, my dad is recovering from a knee replacement and I have to be with him everyday to help him with his physio and food etc.. My best friend is avoiding me (shes really upset that Im leaving and this is her way of dealing with it). Hubby has been working himself stupid trying to sort out the business that we are leaving running here in SA in the (hopefully) very capable hands of a general manager. Sorting out wills and selling cars etc.. now we are transferring property which is in his name into my name, so basically Im also in the process of buying a house!  We have been renting where we are now, so as soon as we gave notice to the landlord they decided to sell the house. So now I also have estate agents coming and going and strangers wanting to view my home. I have cars parked outside taking photos of my home!! Ive got family coming to stay to say their good byes, doctor visits and normal day job stress! This is just beyond the term of "stress". 

 

Every day something else pops up - today was - how am I going to do SA online banking without a SA number in Oz??? How on earth can I sort this out???

 

Im petrified that customs wont accept the letter (stamped by the police) that hubby has drawn up so that I can travel with kids without him and we miss our flight! 

 

THANK GAWD - the kids are ok! The one thing I have managed to do is shelter them from my emotional mess.. they are still excited and keen for the move and Ive worked very hard to make sure they are ok with this all.. they are after all the reason we are doing this move. They are my MAIN concern and my MAIN priority! 

 

Can someone PLEASE tell me that this is normal? That Im not the only one that has gone through this? I have never felt so alone in my life and Im not even a people person. I have never needed company.. but I seriously feel that Im alone in this.

[ottg]

3 hours ago, Gecko said:

How on earth can I sort this out???

This is normal because of the fear about the unknown. Due to this unknown, your emotions get in the way which sabotages your thinking process.

As you were running a business I dont think you need advice but here we go....

 

Make those lists when you calm and fresh - this is the part that takes discipline.

Then, before the day starts - work through your to-do list for the day. End of the day then check which points you need to carry over while checking you can still fit everything in the days left. 

 

[GKatherine]

Oh, @Gecko! My heart goes out to you, and it brings back so many stressful memories! I think everybody experiences these stress triggers, everybody's triggers will be different, but that last couple of months are very chaotic and every little thing seems like a major mountain that is standing in your way. Good luck. Be strong, you WILL make it to the other side!

 

Regarding the banking, my husband sorted that out, but you can set up your SA online banking with your Oz number. That is no problem, don't stress about that one, but do put it on the to do list (just a quick note on the online banking... you either need to future date your online transactions, or do it after 9am, otherwise you get a "You cannot conduct a transaction in the future" error

 

If you want to reach out, send me a PM. Everybody needs a friend during this.

[ChrisH]

5 hours ago, Gecko said:

how am I going to do SA online banking without a SA number in Oz???

 

I guess it depends on which bank, I emailed my banker in South Africa and asked them to update my notification number to my Aussie number.

 

What you could also try is.... get your husband to buy and activate your sim about 2 weeks before you come over.  Then simply go to your local bank branch and update the details.

[FromDurbs]

Sympathy, it was really hard.   If it makes you feel any better, it can only get better.

 

And getting things sorted in South Africa is so hard.  On top of everything our credit card just stopped working in the last week in South Africa, some FICA issue.  Hubby got a message that it needed to be FICAed again, thought it was a hoax (it sounds like one, right?) and ignored it.  He could just not get the block lifted.  In the end we just closed the credit card and got the balance transferred.  But while he was really busy with so many other thing she spent 2 days sitting in the bank to sort the stupid credit card out.  And when we got to Australia we realised that the credit card we used to book the hotel room was the cancelled credit card, which also created some dramas. 

 

I lost so much weight before we moved.  All stress.  But no worries, 2 years here and I put it all back on - plus some.  Clothes that were loose on me when we moved are now too tight.  I guess I need some more stress again.

 

You should really stop smoking.  Cigarettes are terribly expensive in Australia !!!

 

About the bank issues.  Online banking is really hard and if anything goes wrong you need to go into the bank to fix it, which you obviously cannot do.  I had my online banking just stop wanting to do something a few times in the past and then had to go into the bank to fix it.  The best thing I did was to give my father power of attorney over my bank account.  You need to both go into the bank at the same time and complete some forms.  It means that my internet banking consists of asking dad to make payments etc., but it has saved us a few times.  If you have someone you trust I would recommend it.  The banks also allow you to make the notification thing on your internet banking be an email in stead of a phone number, which would be much easier than a phone number.  However, they tell you that it is much less secure and want you to sign an additional form that acknowledges that you understand the additional risk.  

 

Dont stress about the kids' exams.  The schools in Australia did not care about the results they got in South Africa when enrolling them.  That exam is really the least of all your worries.  I am not even sure it would matter whether they pass or fail the grade.  They would be put in a grade here based on their ages, not based on what grades they have already passed.

[Pell]

I updated my notifications from the bank for OTPs etc. to emails only, and it worked very well. That was four years ago, so I imagine things only got better with banking, not worse.

You should enjoy the adventure, don't let it stress you to this extent - or at least turn it into 'good' stress, the kind that gets you moving and productive. It's normal to have some level of anxiety, though. I was literally jumping out of my skin with excitement for a few months before we left. Yes, it's the unknown, but what better adventure than this?

Also, I would suggest that you smoke and get it out of your system in SA, and think of giving up when you get here - cigarettes are hugely expensive.

And yes, you are alone in this - every member of your family will be going through their own emigration journey, some will find it harder to adapt than others, but there's not a lot you can do, except for trying to be supportive. 

 

 

Edited October 25, 2018 by Pell

[Tntaglia]

Hugs to you - it is really really hard. You knew it was going to be hard, and now it IS hard, and you just need to get through it. Agree on the to-do lists, and also keep one LONG list of everything so that you can see how you're ticking stuff off.

 

You may need to outsource some of the stuff you've taken on though, or let it go. Why do the curtains have to be washed? And surely someone else can also help with your dad. Don't let the guilt of leaving trick you into taking on even more than you are already handling. 

 

The best analogy I've found for the whole process is it's like when we renovated our house while still living in it. It was HORRIBLE and we were stressed and not sleeping well and fighting and we were all in each other's space the whole time and UGH - but now that we're through it it's a distant memory and it was all worth it. You're in the weeds right now, but 11 December is coming closer and when you're here you can breathe and relax. Basically 6 weeks of really hard, and then your family will be together again and even if some things didn't get done, you can fix it later. 

[SandraDee]

Stop stressing,  South Africa is not on a foreign planet.  Things that have not been organised before you leave can easily be done from here. It just takes a phone call. Banking from here is easy - if you have the right bank manager/ personal banker otherwise just pop into the bank and change your otp's to email as said above. We run our 6 stores from here  and banking is the least of my issues. 

 

Take a deep breath,  stop smoking when you get here- why have the added pressure now. Don't worry about school, don't worry about your house always being tidy - people are buying the house not your things,  be kind to yourself,  breathe, breathe, and make a list. There is great satisfaction in putting a line through an item on a to do list!

 

By the way- dont bring your curtains- all houses here come with curtains or blinds!  One thing off the list - no need to wash curtains- just donate them or pop them on gumtree.

 

[Nallan]

In the end stuff doesn't matter, you can always buy more stuff. If you are here with your family that is all that counts.

Items that I thought where so important I ended up giving away or they still in boxes in the garage. 

[Gecko]

Thanks all - Im sitting here with my notepad and Im making lists as you have advised.. my stomach is turning still as I type this but I will get through it. I have no choice. I will one day look back and laugh about this Im sure! As hubby says - we just need to get through the next 3 months.. then everything will be fine again.

 

In the meantime - Im going to go buy myself a bottle of gin (while I still can!) and just focus on one day at a time! 

[Mel-B]

Gecko - you can only do what you can. BUT accept it now: you will forget some things, you may make a few bad decisions, or take things with you that you won't use, or sell things you might regret later. You might waste some money because you have to make a lot of decisions with little time and experience rather quickly on this side once here. You and your husband must just agree that mistakes will be made on this journey and to accept it now. Just do your best, but don't sweat it all so much. At the end looking back, that stuff was just another blip on the radar of the journey. We took months to get ready, I had 1000000000 lists, it was so exhausting. By the time we got to Melbourne, I was spent. Then the real work starts 😛 . But its all normal, we all felt that way, and we all survived it. Things just fall into place with time! Good luck

[Tntaglia]

@Gecko Just checking in to see how you're doing now - it's been almost a month since you posted this, are you coping OK?