Crossedover Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 Well on the 27/12 we had been here in Sydney for 3 years. Happily I now know a few back roads between my home and my favourite destinations. Just before Christmas my phone died whist I was in the city and I managed to find my way home... Considering I live on the Northern Beaches and hardly ever drive into the city I was very excited by this achievement. So do I feel this is my home more than Durban, where I spent most of the 40 previous years of my life.... I can easily say Sydney is my home. Ok... so what can I tell you about the last 18 months. Well since the moment I arrived I longed to return to see my friends and family back home. I left so many treasured friends and to be honest they were the hardest thing to walk away from. They are the people that gave smiles to my daily life in SA. Well sadly, my beloved Uncle in SA became very ill and when he recovered from a spell in hospital I booked a trip home for the next school holidays hoping to spend a little time with him before his illness took him. Sadly he died before I got home. That did enable me then to spend the 2 weeks at 'home' in Durbs doing what I had been longing to do. And it was so special to see everyone but... and there is a BIG but... everyone was so concerned with decisions that their children would be facing in the years to come. It dominated every conversation. NOW I have 3 daughters and I so understand the concerns of selecting schools and the like, but the obsession with the future opportunities for my girls has all but disappeared... delightfully so... there is a future for each of them irrespective of their ability and skin colour here. They can be what ever they want to be and the Australian society makes space for everyone. If you are prepared to do your best you will be able to find a job, probably be able to choose between a few and be able to feed your family doing it. There is not high pressure to be a Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher (ok maybe not a teacher... don't shout I am one!!!) and the other few standard occupations. ALL people can be receptionists, tellers, plumbers here and be paid a fair wage to do so, in fact plumbers are 'coining it' here and I never thought I would ever embrace the idea of a son-in-law as a plumber but hey... why not! It would be a profession that would enable my daughters family to be well provided for and I am sure it would enable their families to have a more present father. My children can decide to be anything here... my one daughter even said she would like to be a policeman/woman, and my instant SA response of "over my dead body" was stifled and I could honestly say "really?".. "Why?" and then "well why not?". The South African mother in me still hopes she will choose another occupation but here it would be a great profession. The police force here are a group of people who serve our (my new our) community well. So the major difference is your future is yours to make it what you want it to be. Something I felt my girls would not have when we decided to leave SA. What other things did I notice being back in Durban? Well... the Australian roads are so orderly so that was an obvious thing. The level of stress was very evident and my biggest observation was the lack of laughter. Laughter is my favourite thing to hear and I just noticed my darling friends were all very serious. Maybe an indication of the level of daily stress. I wish I could say I had an amazing time and my heart broke to return to Aus... well it did not. I love Africa, I love the colour of the soil and the picturesque sunsets I love the mountains and I love the wildlife.... that passion will always make me African BUT sadly I have no deep desire to visit again. So it was a good visit as it enabled me to move on and not long to return to visit. AND I never thought that feeling would be possible. So I guess you can say it took me 2 1/2 years to move on and be totally content with our move. We came knowing we would not be going back. But I did feel divided and my trip home just helped me sever those apron strings. DON'T worry I felt happy here long before then!! So 3 years in... My husband and I both have full time jobs that pay well and our kids are well settled. We have finally bought a house we cant really afford but we are doing our best to hold on to it. That is probably the toughest part about our move - waiting so long to buy means prices increased and our Rands dwindle in the interim. AND you end up buying a home that is less attractive than you ever believed you would. Well that is Sydney for sure. On that note, my brother and his wife have just decided to move from Sydney (having been here for 2 1/2 years) to the more affordable Brisbane. They bought a 'fixer-upper' for the same price they sold their Durban North home for and they are happy. They are not under any financial pressure and whilst my brother has a great job my sister-in-law will get a part time job to fund fun things and holidays. So they will be back to their Durban lifestyle soon, but the move does mean a whole lot of new adjustments all over again. Fortunately they have young children which means they will have the opportunity to meet people through their children. Houses here are not what you will be used to. They could do with some great home designers... that design great loving spaces for every budget. Homes here generally have no flow and they are not well kept as most people are time poor and cant afford help. For someone to come and cut our grass costs us $60, a 1 hour cleaning service done by 2 people costs $100, some one to wash and clip our dog costs us $110 (done at home)... sadly we no longer use any of these services despite both my husband and I working full time as we have chosen to send our girls to the local private Christian school so between our school fees and our mortgage we are 'poor'. In SA we got to start building wealth from 22/24 years old with no kids and here we got to start over at 40 with 3 children... its hard. BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT!!! So why come... cos its beautiful, there is a great sense of peace and and people are easy to get on with. Lifestyles here are so similar to what we are used to in SA. Most people speak great English and it takes 5 minutes to get, that is actually receive, your new drivers licence... And the people who help you may have an accent but they are helpful and efficient. 31 nation wide Christmas road deaths is a crisis that will be actioned no doubt. Political decisions that NEED to be made are made swiftly and you can see action taking place so quickly. What will you have to get used to... driving the speed limit, learning how to read road signs so you know where to legally park and you CAN NOT drink and drive. AND ALL car passengers have to wear a seat belt. Yes this place is very regulated and the police have the time to enforce the rules as there are not bigger pressing issues that occupy the bulk of the police force. Another thing is that kids here are not 'good old fashioned South African kids', they are not likely to greet you when you walk through the school gates, the bulk of the kids don't wear their school uniforms with pride, loads of boys have longer than 'acceptable' hair and they are carefree and independent. As a teacher trust me it takes getting used to.... SO our SA kids are loved for the role models they tend to become. School sport is also nothing like you hope it will be unless you are going for elite schooling. So how do they do it here? Kids do club sport and lots of it, hair length is not seen as an issue... and as someone asked me.. Does it really matter? and why does it really matter to you? Is it a true indication of a persons worth? I have had to challenge myself for what I have been brought up to value. BUT one of the biggest blessings looking back has been the Christian community we have become apart of. Most of our friends are Church friends. Most of our friends are not South African either. My husband shad also become apart of the lifesaving community and that is not something he ever considered to do in SA. So come, join in, volunteer and you too could be walking across the Sydney bridge looking at the unbelievable view saying, "Wow... Sydney is MY home". Having left your bag visible in the car knowing there was more than a very good chance both the car and your bag will be there when you get back and there will be no car guard to tip on your return. One last thing... Bring only what you can not replace as it is a family treasure, down size dramatically and give lovingly your excess to the SA locals as they will be so grateful for the stuff you will end up sending to the dump here... yes to the dump as nobody wants or needs your extra stuff here... its heart breaking knowing the need that is so real in Africa. AND homes here are far smaller here than you think so large couches and bulky dressers will just cause you stress. AND one last thing remember you are likely to move a few times in the first 2 years that you are here and you will have to pay for all your stuff to be moved and moved again AND labour here is expensive so you will be doing it all on your own. Would I give it all up again... for sure... honestly we have no regrets... is it easy?, "no"... but it is worth it. 12 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisH Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 Love stories like these! We haven't even been here for a year, but I already share some of the sentiments. I think the reality of why we do this to ourselves only really kick in when we do that first visit back in South Africa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakeItOnTheChin Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 A great story that really puts Oz in a nutshell. We have loved it since arriving in Dec 2016. And yes mowing the lawn is now my problem, and a therapeutic part of my week. In Oz you do learn to do things yourself without hired help, and generally Aussies do make their own plans (boer maak n plan). My wife hates doing her own ironing but also seems to be catching on to some smart folding for items not requiring that. My pool generally does not need too much help. The feeling of not being stressed over certain things really hits home with us. Safety and security is really up there and having confidence in local authorities getting basics done is very prevalent. The outdoor lifestyle up on the NSW coast is just fantastic, have to pinch ourselves again and again. Coffs Harbour has truly become our home, the whole family embracing life here as if we were always here. My sister and brother-in-law have just visited and loved it. Guess what, after one day back home they have already contacted an agent about their process. To all that have or still have to migrate, enjoy, it is a great place. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titus Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 Lovely post! Summed up our experience to a tee. Our biggest regret: Not making the move sooner! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakeItOnTheChin Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 2 minutes ago, Titus said: Lovely post! Summed up our experience to a tee. Our biggest regret: Not making the move sooner! Same as me, I'm an old fart! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RYLC Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 @Crossedover great post. 12 hours ago, Crossedover said: loads of boys have longer than 'acceptable' hair Just a note about the hair: For a lot of families it is the cost of hair cuts that results in boys having long hair. At around $25 a cut, families with a couple of kids can't spare $50-$75 that week for hair cuts. For some it is a form of personal expression (particularly in high school), but cost is a big factor overall. It's one of the reasons why almost ALL school girls have long hair too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellfish Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 13 hours ago, Crossedover said: yes to the dump as nobody wants or needs your extra stuff here... I agree with most of what you say but not this - put your unwanted items on gumtree, facebook marketplace or just out on the pavement as a white goods collection and people will happily take it. There are plenty of newcomers and backpackers who need basics to get started. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SafferBlue Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 (edited) Thanks for sharing your experience, Crossedover - fantastic up-date! I'm glad Syndey is home to you now and that the move has worked out so well. Your post has made me even more excited about our move to Newcastle next month - can't wait!!! Edited January 8, 2018 by SafferBlue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossedover Posted January 8, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 (edited) RYLC... really good point re haircuts. I had never stopped to think of it from that point of view. BUT I will say my girls and myself only get a hair cut twice a year. Shellfish... I am really pleased to hear you have had a different experience of getting rid of stuff. I tried to get the SALVO's to fetch a couch in really good condition and other stuff I felt was good enough to make the trip from SA and they said no thank you as they had too much stock. I tried to give it away for free on Gumtree too. BUT I am pretty sure our SA locals need it a lot more than those in need here. BUT realistically each town and city will have different levels of need so its not surprising our experiences are different. To all of you waiting on SA shores, give your family an extra cuddle, have a beer or cup of tea with your friends and enjoy the mountains just one more time... Your exciting time will come and with the price of flights 'home' you may not return for a while. OH AND eat out a few more times and kiss your domestic staff!!! Edited January 8, 2018 by Crossedover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pell Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) Three years in for us as well, having also arrived 27 Dec!! @Crossedover funny how things work. All I've done pretty much is work, work, work, did a tax course, did some travelling for work, had no real holiday in 3 years, on the upside was promoted twice in 3 years. I was the breadwinner as my husband didn't find a job for a long time, then when he did he got retrenched, now working six-monthly contracts, so future always uncertain. He left a thriving consultancy business in SA to come here and struggle because of his age and being overqualified..... Husband and daughter had a hard time adjusting, daughter was ok within one year, husband was still struggling. I had no time to ask myself one way or the other, so I just carried on. Definitely not the levels of stress regarding safety that we had in SA, but rather a different kind of stress regarding finding of jobs, job security etc. I outsource everything I can, working long hours I would have no time to unwind or quality of life if I had to spend my entire weekend cooking, cleaning and ironing. I also find that while there is no pressure for kids to become doctors, lawyers etc., it is important that my daughter gets a degree, as life is expensive, salaries are not that high and she has to be able to be independent. Had she not been academic, I would have insisted that she do a trade, as tradies make a good living. Totally agree on house designs... my hair stood on end, some places we've seen were really gross, so in the end we built our own. Definitely took some time getting used to driving the speed limit, and school zones confused me for the longest time. I enjoyed taking public transport for two years, then i was suddenly over it, and bought another car.... In a nutshell, we have jobs (2 for now, not sure abt the future), we have house, kid in uni (cheaper than the private school fees), so all good. My husband found a great soccer club, where he plays and has also become involved in refereeing and coaching. I do volunteer work as well, something that I've always wanted to do in SA. Love Sydney, the vibe, the buzz, the beauty, the beaches, and would do it all over again, but that's just me, never saying no to an adventure.... Edited January 9, 2018 by Pell 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossedover Posted January 10, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 Lovely to hear your progress PELL. I do feel that from here things must settle further and as we begin to redo things they will become easier and less time consuming. Its been years of working hard for us too. My husband and I have said this needs to be a year of more fun. Hope 2018 is a good one for your family. Take care. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fidjet Posted January 11, 2018 Report Share Posted January 11, 2018 like this a hundred times, I love it when people come back and say how it goes after the initial mad rush. It makes me so excited about finally going over, 65 days left. Helps to hear that even if its not all sunshine and roses in the end people feel it is worth it, I am dreading saying goodbye and know for most it will probably be the last goodbye ever, but if it means a future (not even just a better but a future) for our kids and ourselves we are willing to take the plunge. Heare is to the next 3 years for you guys, may it be filled with lots of adventure and laughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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