KelsM Posted June 11, 2017 Report Share Posted June 11, 2017 (edited) Hi everyone I have been reading up on other forumites stories over the years and decided to share my story too. Please know this is how I experienced it and as the title says, it was not the best trips for me. So, back in 2014 before baba my hubby and I were granted PR visas and set out to activate it in October that year. We had a lovely stay with friends and the ten days were over very quickly. We left Melbourne with the idea of returning soon to start a new life there. Roll forward a few months with a baba on the way and hubby's health taking a bit of a knock and 2015 was out the question in terms of emigrating. After baba's arrival in 2015 we settled into our new routine and by mid-2016 applied for his visa which was granted. We had until June 2017 to activate his visa. Flights were booked in January this year and it sounded like a wonderful holiday (stopover in Mauritius for one night too!) and life was great. We were set to fly out in May and were excited about the trip. Then life happened, as it always does. I got ill with bronchitis and terrible ear infection and the doctor recommended we postpone the trip. Which we did, three times! Eventually I had to go for a grommets op which left me with far worse hearing than before the operation. After telling the ENT (not the one who did the op) I was told that living in Jhb meant having sinus so he prescribed lots of sinus meds, which helped a bit. The other ENT who did the grommets said it was Eustachian Tube Dysfunction and to give it 2 months. All in all I was cleared for flying by both my GP and ENT. Just over a week ago, we boarded the plane to Perth (via Mauritius). Now, the trip was via Mauritius and we felt this would be more manageable with a 20 month old. The plane was reasonably empty on both legs of the trip and we were spoilt with four seats which was great. The flight went quickly and baba managed ok on both trips although he did start walking around and socializing with everyone! We landed in Perth at 9am in the morning, bought an Optus sim, got a taxi to the rental company and that's where the first hiccup occurred. No, they do not have anything confirmed for us even though I had the confirmation with me. She then hastily started organising a vehicle and then handed over the keys. I asked her where the baby seat and GPS was. Her reply was they don't hire out GPS units and she doesn't know why her colleague said they did. She also asked my hubby to carry the baby seat as she does not have kids and it made her feel uncomfortable Hubby tried to install the car seat which was a bit of a hit and miss. As for the lack of GPS, I managed to download an app on my phone with GPS so at least that problem was sorted. After this we made our way to the baby equipment hire place where the owner kindly helped us with the car seat before we headed off to our Airbnb accommodation. The couple we stayed with are in their seventies and the friendliest, most delightful people I have met in a long time. They made us feel like family and assisted us where they could. After the adrenaline wore off reality started to set in the next day. Everything felt different. The sun shines a lot brighter, the air seems different. The vibe and atmosphere different. We drove past houses and houses, shops and shops and everything felt so foreign and odd. I wrote this off to jet lag and thought after a good night's rest I would feel better. Hubby on the other side was in his element and enjoying every minute. The only thing that made him freak was the price of his favourite drink, Coke! At the equivalent of R50 for a 2L Coke he decided to go cold turkey! By the 2nd evening it felt as if my head was in a vice grip, the pressure was terrible and my ears were aching terribly. Hubby's wise words were to go and see a doctor, get medicine (and better of course) so that we can enjoy the trip. So by Tuesday we headed off to an unknown doctor. He was very polite and formal and handed me a script for antibiotics. Apparently a bad sinus infection. $75 later and we were off to the pharmacy for Sudafed and antibiotics. The lady at the pharmacy who I can only assume is an immigrant too was very friendly and explained the process to me. After paying $55 for my medicine we were off home with the hope of me making a recovery. The next day I felt better, and we headed off to Burns Beach. It is just so different to the South African beaches, really beautiful and the smell of salt in the air much more overpowering than here in SA. The next day we had to pack up and make our way to our next Airbnb accommodation. This is probably where the paw-paw hit the fan. The place we stayed at was a one bedroom apartment with kitchen, lounge etc. Very spacious and worked for our small family. The 'new' accommodation was one single room with bed, kitchen and bathroom. We settled in there, not too happy as there was no microwave, blankets (it gets very cold there at night) and no cutlery or crockery even though it was advertised as being fully self-catering. We were cramped into this small room and the little one started acting out and throwing some major tantrums. Luckily there was a small trampoline outside so he could burn of some energy. By this time the homesickness started getting to me... badly... Even though this was only an activation trip for the little one's visa I couldn't shake the feeling. While everyone was sleeping I would go onto News24 to read up about SA news, text family like crazy and end up having a good cry. I was unable to sleep, and by the next day homesickness really set in and I wasn't even up to eating anymore. I became more and more withdrawn and despite hubby's best efforts to cheer me up nothing helped. He arranged to meet up with some friends in Perth and I hardly spoke at all as I felt completely depressed. Homesickness is something very real but difficult to describe. I can only compare it to depression. It felt as if one day would flow into the next and that there was no purpose at all. I felt lost and alone (even with hubby and little one). I missed my mom, brother, friends, even my mother-in-law! By this time homesickness took over and I did not even want to get out of bed anymore. Hubby again tried to arrange a meeting with a contact in Perth and after forcing me to go with and me refusing to leave the car he knew that I was in a bad space. I just felt that I had no energy and couldn't even face talking to anyone. When we got home after this meeting I went straight to bed and was in tears. With all my heart I wanted to be back home. Hubby could see that I was heading into dangerous territory and moved our flights earlier. Because of the age gap between hubby and me the guys at border patrol must have thought it was a scam. The one guy shouted to hubby to go through the turnstyle and for me go through the other side. Now it is tough carrying a 15kg niggly toddler on your hip with bags and being sent off in another direction not knowing where hubby is beings sent to. Other families were left alone. It made me feel rather angry at them for being so inconsiderate although they were only doing their jobs. Going through the metal detector hubby kept beeping and this was where they whisked him off to be searched, swabbed, etc. Baba's nappy bag was sent through the x-ray machine 5 times but the customs guy was rather sweet and explained to me that the food must be taken out of the bag and sent through separately. It is admirable how serious they take their work as here in South Africa they didn't really bother going through anyone's bags or flagging certain people to be searched. I suppose there are better things to do 5am in the morning than to search bags!! The flight back was rather hectic with 3 hours of turbulence which left most people on the plane feeling sick All in all, my mood has improved dramatically since we returned but the question remains what the future holds. This was rather shocking as I have lived in America and England for many months when i was younger and even though i was homesick it was never this bad. Hubby and I have also traveled a lot overseas on holiday and this has never happened to me before. All I can assume is that my health is not the greatest right now and my hearing problems have affected me badly and left me with anxiety and depression. This coupled with being in a foreign country where healthcare etc is very expensive and not knowing anyone could just have been the perfect storm. We are supposed to fly out in October to Melbourne (this is where we want to settle, more specifically Sunbury) but now I am not so sure. If I couldn't even handle a week's holiday in Aus, how will I handle the homesickness with making the permanent move? Hubby has already resigned in anticipation of the move so this is really a disaster. Really feeling confused about the future now... Edited June 11, 2017 by KelsM spelling 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderer Posted June 11, 2017 Report Share Posted June 11, 2017 I really feel for you. We are flying out begining of July and must say between trying to get everything done I think we are going through an active mourning process. I'll pm you, maybe you'd lile to chat? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted June 11, 2017 Report Share Posted June 11, 2017 HI @KelsM Just wanted to acknowledge that it is very brave of you to share your story and feelings so openly. It may be useful to speak to a therapist or life coach. Agree that your physical health is probably playing a role in your emotional health. Keep talking openly to your husband, family and friends. Take care. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted June 11, 2017 Report Share Posted June 11, 2017 @KelsM come on girl, in Sunbury you will have a support group, there are many of us here, and we will welcome you with open arms! I am at home, retired, so you can call or drop by if you feel lonely.. I will introduce you to others here, so you can make friends. I attend the local Baptist church, where there are a number of South Africans, whom I can introduce you too. You will not be alone. Once here permanently, you will also find that under Medicare your medication will be subsidised and if you see a bulk billing doctor, it will cost you nothing extra. If you see a non-bulk billing doctor it may cost you a co-payment of around $30, but your medication is still subsidised. You need to think carefully about your future, if you speak to most here on the forum, although the majority have gone through homesickness, they still realise that they have done the best they can to secure their and their children's future! Hugs to you and we look forward to meeting you and your family! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoahWi Posted June 12, 2017 Report Share Posted June 12, 2017 I am sorry for you. It is great that you are open to share it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RYLC Posted June 12, 2017 Report Share Posted June 12, 2017 (edited) I'm sorry to hear that you were so sick during your trip. A couple of things stand out for me: Words are powerful. Take care with how you label things. The activation trip was NOT an epic fail. The mission of activation of your child's visa took place and was successful. Tick. There was a hiccup with the baby seat and gps but these things happen and are not a reflection on what your life in Australia will be like. They are a reflection on one (yes one) car rental company to give some perspective. One out of two accommodation bookings was not ideal but both gave you a place to sleep, wash, etc. The less than ideal one wasn't a travel disaster and your child's tantrums were normal for that age and not a result of the room in particular. Most toddlers don't travel well and loss of routine and jetlag are more likely culprits. These events have given you a test run at being flexible, not expecting a perfect "landing" and adjusting your plans when necessary. Migration requires a certain level of c'est la vie and letting go of any need for perfection. Most importantly with migration is know yourself because with this knowledge you can create a list of things to do when life sucks. I call it the Suckie List. All the things you do at home now to destress / calm down. Have a bath, go for a walk, grab a coffee of glass of wine, have tea in your favourite cup (remember to pack it), watch your favourite movie, eat hot chips etc. A list of coping strategies will help in all life circumstances but especially with migration. Being prepared for when things go wrong (because they do in every country) will give you a sense of security too. I really think that your being sick was the main factor of how you experienced your trip. When one of our senses (your ears) aren't 100%, then our other senses become more heightened as a coping mechanism. So smells become stronger, our vision becomes more acute, etc. Also when we are sick we just want to burrow down into our nest and ignore the world. Going out to meet new people and see new things is not top of our lists during normal circumstances when we are sick, let alone in a foreign country. Again words are powerful. It would be a pity to label this as something as serious as depression when it was more likely the blues from being sick in a foreign place. I speak from experience on this having been very ill while in England many years ago. What you don't know that you don't know is the every state is completely different in terms of smells, vegetation, light, aspect, etc. For instance Queensland is incredibly flat on the whole and light and bright. People from Queensland would say that the light in Melbourne is not bright enough because the more undulating landscape and lattitude makes it seem so. All these differences mean that everybody can find a place to call home once more. I just think that the most important questions are not Will I be homesick? but rather what will I do to get through the homesickness? I budgetted for weekly phone calls to my family and for the first couple of years I visited every year (my mum had cancer). The other important questions are am I willing to endure this relatively short time of adjustment (a bit like labour when having a baby), to give my children the future they deserve. Am I willing to seek help to get through this when we move? And am I willing to at least do this for the time it takes to get citizenship? because otherwise it's just a waste of money. Come on. You've got Mara waiting with open arms to assist you and show you the ropes. It's going to be okay... Edited June 12, 2017 by Mara RYLC if I was able to give you 20/10 for this, I would!!! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WayneAndMel Posted June 12, 2017 Report Share Posted June 12, 2017 Hi @KelsM. Be easy on yourself and don't be too damning about what transpired with your feelings and mood. International travel with small children in alien territory with an uncertain future will affect you psychologically and is hugely taxing to begin with. The prospect that the migrating this time is for real will really make the feelings manifest, whether just nostalgia or homesickness or even outright mourning. Our activation/LSD trip was not a holiday at all for us either. We know the feelings you had as there where times where we froze, starved, didn't sleep and felt really down. In one case we four ended up in a tiny room at the Ibis in Sydney and our three year old kept crying "I want to go home. I want to go home" during the night; probably our fault because we didn't realise how limited their facilities are. You mentioned being sick and taking antibiotics; I know they can affect my own mood depending on what the Doctor prescribes and maybe they affected you badly or you had an intolerance to a compound in them. Antibiotics can also affect your brain in conjunction with certain other medications you may be taking. If you have low blood pressure or a tendency to low blood sugars and ended up missing meals by living off adrenaline you're also going to feel that hit your mood. Strange weather you don't like similarly adds that bit of further unhappiness. Put that, ones constitution, all the supressed feelings, stress akin to that of the death of a family member, illness, bad medicine or bad mixes thereof, exhaustion, alienation and unhappy screaming children together and it's a hugely volatile mix that is going to hurt anyone. I hope you can be kind to yourself and can feel better knowing there are many of us who have experienced that fiery trial. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyebrow Posted June 12, 2017 Report Share Posted June 12, 2017 These things can feel so huge, while in the grand scheme of things they are small. You will look back and laugh. Our first night In Aus was so horrible. We missed the connecting flight. We arrived in Melbourne at 12.30 am instead of 2pm. We were wearing short sleeves as we were going to arrive in the heat of the day. It was so cold that we could hardly think. the hire car was far outside the terminal building, and we had to walk with 5 huge suitcases to there. And this women with a fleece-lined coat spent ages explaining everything and we had T-shirts on. We got to hotel in Frankston at 4am. Cold and utterly miserable. I was so out of it but I bravely held on. We woke up at 10am. And kids and everyone were starving! And I had no food, and no idea where to get any. The breakfast at the hotel was $25 per head. Quick calculation $25 x5 = $125 = R1250. For breakfast?! Where on earth are we that breakfast cost so much??? And I totally cracked up. I started bawling my eyes out! Like there was no tomorrow. With the breakfast menu in my hands! The family looked at me like I was from some sort of alien. After I had been the one to drag us here, and now I am a wreck! Anyway, we had the breakfast. It was the best food we ever ate. The porridge was oats with cream and cinnamon, and bacon and eggs, and toast and such good coffee. The kids still speak of this breakfast! (Oh and when we went out, we were all of 100m away from a Woollies. We could have had a pack of 6 bread rolls, sliced ham and 2l milk for $10. Which is in fact what we had for dinner that night! I could have kicked myself) I now look back and think, if I had known then what I know now I wouldn't have stressed so much about those things. But such is the immigration process. (And I have much bigger issues to stress about) 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KelsM Posted June 13, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2017 Hi everyone Thanks for all the responses and advice. I suppose the journey was not an epic fail - we managed to activate the little one's visa which was our purpose to start with. We only had until the 7h June to do so, so in that sense we achieved our goal. Maybe I was a little hard on myself, with my health the way it is and the uncertainty as to why my hearing is not improving contributed a lot to my emotional state that side. Also, being out of my routine and also getting sick that side probably turned the situation into the perfect storm. But I have 'pulled myself towards myself' and decided that firstly I will work on improving my health and then hubby and I will make another trip in October to Perth. The good thing is that we can learn from past mistakes, correct them, and tackle life again. @Mara Thanks for the encouragement Mara - I appreciate your support! @WayneAndMel The antibiotics contained sea kelp (I think that's what the doctor said. I am allergic to penicillin so there wasn't a lot of options). Perhaps I just reacted badly to it as I have never taken anything similar before? And travelling with a very unhappy toddler really adds to the stress big time. The one day we drove through Fremantle and he started screaming like there is no tomorrow. Our nerves were really frazzled. @Eyebrow I can imagine what you felt like arriving there in the cold of night after missing your connecting flight. Luckily adrenaline keeps a person going but once you check into the hotel and had a sleep reality kicks in. Wow Eyebrow, that's one very expensive breakfast! When we left the airport we had a plate of chips, one coke and hubby had a mango beer. I think it cost about $25.. Thanks for everyone's responses and encouragement - it means a lot to know others have been through the same process. Here is hoping that my health improves and by October our trip to Perth will go a lot better. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greggle Posted June 14, 2017 Report Share Posted June 14, 2017 (edited) Looking back, I can see that my partner walked through all the stages of mourning in our emigration process - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and (thankfully eventually) acceptance. I guess that I went through them myself to a degree but as I have lived overseas before and adapt to change a lot easier, it wasn't as intense for me. Don't discount the emotional impact of cutting yourself off from those things and people that you cherish and love ... and the turmoil of having to start again. What's healthy is to recognise that you and your family may well go through these emotional phases but the journey is on a path leading you to something better in the long-term. Edited June 14, 2017 by greggle 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedPanda Posted July 20, 2017 Report Share Posted July 20, 2017 ...and the Melbourne crowd is nice. We're friendly here give us a shout out once you've landed in Sunbury. (all the necessary things have been said above) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KelsM Posted August 29, 2017 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2017 Hi everyone It has been a while since my last update but we all know how time flies! So, I finally did it.. I resigned today... Huge leap of faith but as they say nothing ventured, nothing gained. We have our sights set on Perth initially, we are looking at staying in Dianella or Yokine initially. Not sure if we are crazy to go to Perth as the job market isn't the greatest but we do have a few friends there. The move is set for end October 2017. Exciting but scary times indeed. I am considering getting Roland or Roz Fisher to rewrite my and hubby's resume. Has anyone on the forum dealt with Roz? I have only read good reviews of Roland from Itouch but they are quite pricey. Wow, I am still in shock. Will be the first time in 16 years that I am unemployed 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimpleSimon Posted August 29, 2017 Report Share Posted August 29, 2017 Hi @KelsM, I would take up @RedPanda offer and move to Sunbury. Having a support group who understands what you are going through will make a huge difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted August 29, 2017 Report Share Posted August 29, 2017 @KelsM Once again I will stress, you NEED TO GO WHERE THE JOBS ARE! Having a friendly face or family member to welcome you is wonderful, absolutely, but you need to put a roof over your head and food in your tummy... only a job will do that! So pretty please.... MAKE THAT YOUR FOCUS! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TamTam Posted September 19, 2017 Report Share Posted September 19, 2017 On 6/13/2017 at 6:02 PM, KelsM said: Hi everyone Thanks for all the responses and advice. I suppose the journey was not an epic fail - we managed to activate the little one's visa which was our purpose to start with. We only had until the 7h June to do so, so in that sense we achieved our goal. Maybe I was a little hard on myself, with my health the way it is and the uncertainty as to why my hearing is not improving contributed a lot to my emotional state that side. Also, being out of my routine and also getting sick that side probably turned the situation into the perfect storm. But I have 'pulled myself towards myself' and decided that firstly I will work on improving my health and then hubby and I will make another trip in October to Perth. The good thing is that we can learn from past mistakes, correct them, and tackle life again. @Mara Thanks for the encouragement Mara - I appreciate your support! @WayneAndMel The antibiotics contained sea kelp (I think that's what the doctor said. I am allergic to penicillin so there wasn't a lot of options). Perhaps I just reacted badly to it as I have never taken anything similar before? And travelling with a very unhappy toddler really adds to the stress big time. The one day we drove through Fremantle and he started screaming like there is no tomorrow. Our nerves were really frazzled. @Eyebrow I can imagine what you felt like arriving there in the cold of night after missing your connecting flight. Luckily adrenaline keeps a person going but once you check into the hotel and had a sleep reality kicks in. Wow Eyebrow, that's one very expensive breakfast! When we left the airport we had a plate of chips, one coke and hubby had a mango beer. I think it cost about $25.. Thanks for everyone's responses and encouragement - it means a lot to know others have been through the same process. Here is hoping that my health improves and by October our trip to Perth will go a lot better. @KelsM Firstly - good for you sharing this. I think it's so important to share our experiences. I have one question and one comment. My question is - what type of visa did you apply for for your baba and how long did it take. My comment is in line with what another forumite said about having a list of things to do that pick you up when you're down. My son was born in a foreign country (Netherlands) with zero family support (I did have my AMAZING hubby), baby had colic and I developed very bad insomnia and anxiety. Now in the past I used to turn to exercise to help me out - nothing major, just 30 minutes a day. So that's what I did. Every day for 30 minutes, wind or rain, I got my butt out the door and went for a jog. Homesickness kicks like a mule but it really does get easier. You don't stop missing your family but the intensity of that pain eases with time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisH Posted September 19, 2017 Report Share Posted September 19, 2017 All I can say is that I'm glad we never did an activation trip because we wouldn't have come back to Australia afterwards. Our first 2 weeks was like a living hell. Our one-year-old was a nightmare and we all got very sick in the first week. I realise none of this was due to the actual country, but we never realised what sort of effect the jet lag will have on a one year old. Luckily we came out alive on the other side! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tntaglia Posted September 21, 2017 Report Share Posted September 21, 2017 On 9/19/2017 at 11:45 PM, ChrisH said: All I can say is that I'm glad we never did an activation trip because we wouldn't have come back to Australia afterwards. Our first 2 weeks was like a living hell. Our one-year-old was a nightmare and we all got very sick in the first week. I realise none of this was due to the actual country, but we never realised what sort of effect the jet lag will have on a one year old. Luckily we came out alive on the other side! Yeah this is exactly why we decided not to take the kids along for our LSD trip in October. They're older, 7 and 10, but I don't want their picture of Oz to be the jet lag and probably feeling sick and mom&dad being stressed etc (and we'll be more stressed if they're there). Rather give them a filtered view that keeps the excitement up, and then we'll all deal with the reality when we finally land. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderer Posted September 21, 2017 Report Share Posted September 21, 2017 On 9/20/2017 at 7:45 AM, ChrisH said: All I can say is that I'm glad we never did an activation trip because we wouldn't have come back to Australia afterwards. Our first 2 weeks was like a living hell. Our one-year-old was a nightmare and we all got very sick in the first week. I realise none of this was due to the actual country, but we never realised what sort of effect the jet lag will have on a one year old. Luckily we came out alive on the other side! I had very similar thoughts. We didn't have it bad really, but I think it would have been very hard to leave the 2nd time around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TamLovesRic Posted March 26, 2018 Report Share Posted March 26, 2018 @KelsM So...you would have been in Aus for a few months now...How are you doing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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