OubaasDik Posted April 1, 2016 Report Share Posted April 1, 2016 I have an Irish friend who keeps sending me stuff - some of it's quite good A bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, "Do you want the winner of the next race?" Paddy replies "No tanks, oi've only got a small yard." ~ooOoo~ Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station. Mick "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two!" ~ooOoo~ A coach load of paddies on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going..... the driver won £52! ~ooOoo~ Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin? Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef" ~ooOoo~ Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday." ~ooOoo~ Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Oi Paddy, what ya tink ya doing?" Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor." ~ooOoo~ The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil... ~ooOoo~ Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant." Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?." Paddy replies, - I'll take her with me!" ~ooOoo~ ; Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year" Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th." ~ooOoo~ Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "Oi did, but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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