Our first visit back to RSA

[BriD]

We have been back home in Australia for 2 weeks today after a 3 week trip to RSA to visit family and friends. This was our first trip back since we left in Feb 2014...and some of you may remember how anxious I was becoming to go there again.

Anyways...so we went. I even gulped back tears as we landed...because I really honestly did not want to be there. My in-laws were there to meet us...tears in their eyes and super excited to see us. I felt guilty for not being as excited. We went to the car and started on our way back to our old area. The traffic was bad, so my FIL took us a different way...only we got lost and ended up driving through Germiston township!!! Yeah...awesome...totally what I needed to get me into the swing of things again !!

Anyways, we made it back to their place. I was not sure what to expect to feel when we saw our old house...we all lived in the same estate back when we were still in RSA. I thought I might feel odd just driving past that road and not turning up it...but I never felt like that. I actually felt like the door was firmly shut a long time ago and I felt nothing really.

When we got to the IL's house just down the road, hubby's whole family was there to meet us...all excited and happy. It was good to see everyone, and to meet my new nephew. It felt really surreal to be back...everything is as it was...nothing has changed....except us.

We spent a couple of days in Joburg and then went on to Durban for about 10 days to spend time with my family. It was truly awesome to see my mom and dad and the rest of the family. And again surreal...a whole 14 months has passed and yet when you meet again it is like it was yesterday. Like no time has passed at all...

I guess the only way to describe it is that...Australia was like a whole seperate universe. South Africa and everyone we love exists in South Africa...and as for Australia...noone else can picture it. It is just some place we have been to...only we know the life we have made here...to our loved ones (barring the ones who have visited) we just went somewhere far away and have returned. You feel awkwardly detached...because your life is somewhere else now...and you are popping in to visit the life that everyone else continues to lead in South Africa. The changes they have made on their houses, the new aquisitions, new pets, new people....a whole segment of their life you have missed...and in the same way, they have missed yours too. Very very strange feeling.

As our 10 days in Durban drew to a close, I started to feel very emotional. I think that all this time, it isn't that I have not missed anyone...but that I have built a solid strong wall to keep my emotions behind. There is no point in pining away for people when the situation cannot be helped...we knew the sacrifices we made to go to Aus. We deal with it and make sure that we keep positive and find happiness in our new life here, even though everyone we love lives so far away. However, having my mom close and so enjoying her company and every moment together...my wall started to crumble, and I had some very tearful nights feeling ever so sad that we live so far apart. Saying goodbye was just as hard as the first time...I don't believe it will ever become easier.

We went back to Joburg for our last week. I can honestly say I have never been so busy in my life. We were constantly running around, seeing this person, seeing that person. Visiting the new horse, visiting the new property etc etc. One of the days we had 4 seperate arrangements on one day...and a misunderstanding lead us to end up having 2 dinners with barely 2 hours between them.

What I found myself feeling was such gratitude for how much people wanted to spend time with us. That they would shuffle their schedules and drive to where we wanted to go to spend a couple of hours with us. I felt humbled and grateful to know that despite our move...true friendships remain, even if you don't speak much...you can pick up where you left off and it feels like you last spoke yesterday.

What shocked us was the amount of our friends who were wanting to know how to make the move themselves. Many more than there were before we left. I feel so grateful to have already established a life in Aus and not have to be going through all that process. We been there...and we are past that now...and so very happy about it.

I did catch some flak from some family members who told me I didn't understand how hard it was for them to not have us in RSA anymore. And that they happy we so happy but we just don't get it from their side. That comment caught me off guard...a couple of days later I ended up in tears trying to explain to my husband's family our side of the coin. That they should not think that because we are happy it means that we don't care about them...but rather than we are making the very best go at a good life in our new country. That we are more alone than any of them that are still surrounded by family and friends...and perhaps they should consider that aspect before they say things like that. But people will have their own opinions, it is very hard to change a viewpoint like that.

By the last few days of our trip I wanted to go home. I had been happily surprised to find that I did indeed slot right back into life in RSA. To being super aware and making careful choices. It was a very good trip for me in the way that I was able to put life in RSA back in perspective. When you been living out of the country so long...only reading the news...always bad news, the problems in South Africa grow and grow until you cannot imagine how anyone even functions there anymore. But, people get on with their lives...they may not like what happens and life has anxieties...but you can be happy and live in RSA at the same time. You can enjoy your life and live in RSA at the same time. Different strokes for different folks I guess. We love our life in Aus, and we made the decision that we did not want to deal with the problems you face living in RSA...and that is us and we have no regrets. Others are really truly happy there...and so let them be.

I have decided to read less news...and next time we go there hopefully I won't go with such trepidation. Life happens, you move on and do what you can to make it a good one...no matter where you may end up.

A couple of nights before the end of the trip we went up to the parkland that was above our old house. I sat on a bench and stared at the house we lived in once upon a time. Remembered the moments I shared with the kids in that garden, the get togethers we had on that patio, the memories we made in that house...and I started to feel my stomach twisting into a little bitter ball again. Reminded again that we had to leave all we knew behind because we felt our children had no future in RSA. Because of the hatred and anger and bad goverment and corruption and so on and on...forced to make a decision to go far away from loved ones and friends to find a better life. I hated feeling that bitterness again...it had faded as the months went by in Aus...and it was a feeling I did not think I would feel again. However confronted by all that...brings it all flooding back. It was time to return home to Australia.

Saying goodbye to get back on our plane...sad to say goodbye to the people...but not as scary as the first time. We knew what we were coming back to in Aus and there was so much less uncertainty. It was a good feeling to come home.

We have spent the last 2 weeks moving into our new place...and it is great to own something in this awesome country.

Home sweet home

xxx

[charmz]

really enjoyed reading this ... thank you for sharing ...

We have been in Australia for 3 and a half months and all i want to do is hop on a plane and go visit family & friends in SA.

But do I want the emotions to start all over again

Edited April 30, 2015 by charmz

[Mara]

Welcome back and I am so happy for you that you returned safely and that you are now settled in your own home!

[monsta]

What gets me is who do you blame for RSA's mess? Its clear the ANC should have been voted out years ago as its clear they have no answers to the problems.

So, do you blame the ANC's voters? Well, most of them can't spell corruption. A lot of them feel threatened into votoung ANC.

So, do you blame the hand full of people who go around telling lies like, "your ancestors will strike you down if you don't vote ANC?". The voters aren't iddiots.

Do you blame politicians for stealing as much as they can? Aussie lollies do that too...they are just limited here in how much they can steal and still get voted back in.

[rozellem]

Welcome back. I booked tickets for us to go to RSA for Xmas, about 6 weeks ago, and I must admit, I have been regretting it since. In my view, the place took a sharper nose dive in the time I have had the tickets. Feeling a little bit uneasy, hope it passes. On a gross/funny note. My sister was visiting RSA from the UK (a country South Africans think dont have meat). They ended up going to 4 braais in 3 days and apparently my BIL had to pull over on a highway somewhere for my sister to be sick. Too much of a good thing....

[Eyebrow]

What a story!

You do have a way of writing that just touches the heart...

I hope I get to meet you some day.

[Jordy]

One of the best posts I have read by someone after their first visit back. I identified with much of what you said.

[shellykd]

BRID - thanks for such a heart-felt narrative of your feelings, experiences and emotions...

Continue to enjoy and embrace your life in Australia!!!

And congrats on your new home too!!

[AshB]

Wow didnt imagine all South Africans felt the same way. Must honestly say that your experiences are so much alike ours, we landed in Jan 2014, too afraid to even visit because of family ,friends and acquaintances reactions .

Nice read - enjoyed it.

[BriD]

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. It is nice to know that so many people had similar experiences to me.

Monsta, those are questions that just will never have a resolution unfortunately

Rozellem, the thought of 4 braai's in 3 days makes me feel sick too! I really do understand your concerns...it is hard not to be when you feel so safe and at home in Aus and then knowing you are going back and have to get into super alert mode is very exhausting and worrying. However...it really does come back to you quite easily as if you never left. It is really quite strange that way. Try to focus on the awesome family time you will have...easier said than done I know...but you will enjoy it once you are there. Big Hugs!!

Eyebrow...You are inspirational with all the effort you put into getting to Aus - I followed your story closely. It would be awesome to meet you one day

[HansaPlease]

I don't understand.

4 Braai's in 3 days sounds like... Heaven

(PS - enjoyed the read though, and congrats on the house!)

[Nev]

Yep, great read,

We are honestly dreading having to go back for anything, there is a little guy we need to look after now, quite honestly just never going back for anything would be first prize for us, but i suspect that we will have to at some stage

[Eto]

This is a topic that we can debate for years and you will always have different opinions.

However, we returned to Port Elizabeth in 2008 and the minute we landed at the Airport it felt like I never left. I loved every minute of being back with friends, family, playing golf, fishing, holidays in Keurbooms and never looked back.

We recently also had friends and family over from Perth and man did they love this place. Cape Town was obviously the big draw card for them and they already planned their next visit before they left for home.

I don't believe that anybody should be afraid to come and visit friends and family. Just be careful where you go and always be alert. This I am sure applies to wherever you plan to travel in the world.

[SurferMan]

I'm with you Nev. My mum passed away some years ago, and my poor father is watching his mates die like flies around him, even his eldest brother is dead from lung cancer. I am so far away from him, but I try to phone him at least every 1-2 months and see how he is going. That dread call Rhyss referred to will come, as it must for all of us, but man I am not keen. But even so I doubt I will return to SA, even for a visit. No desire to do so. To those who do, good on yer! Emigration, tough but totally doable.

:offtopic:

Nev and others, you will be pleased to know I have designed a new app that allows for zero interest mortgages. Yes, zero interest. I am refining the model now, and all the regulatory and legislative BS that comes with such a radical idea, but I have consulted to many banks so I know it's feasible. The problem will be getting around the fat cat gatekeepers. This was borne out of me working in banks and seeing first hand just how badly they screw the customer. I have sat in meetings where they call the lawyers in and ACTIVELY discuss how to work the customer for more money. For e.g. when the NCA Act came into effect they would no longer be allowed to nail people overlimit fees. No problem, wheel the lawyers in and figure out how to get that lost revenue stream back, and more. I'm not knocking lawyers, but the utter heartlessness of it shocked me to the core.

Yes they are in it to win for their shareholders, but that is disgusting. So fast forward many years and it came to me in a flash, quite literally. In a dream one night. I believe it is from God, since the bible says usury is unlawful. So here's to one little man's quest to free his fellow man as best he can! I hope I get it to fly, even if I don't make a dime from the idea, the thought of being able to help people rid themselves of the shackle of a mortgage gives me relentless optimism.

[Nev]

Sounds good, there is a huge market in the Muslim population for something like that, yep i have come to know about bank feed and have gained a real dislike for them, when you start adding things up across your entire portfolio of everything and just look at the amount that you are giving away per month in fees and interest, it is pretty crazy.

Wont be too long for us to get the car paid off and then we debt free, cant wait

[SurferMan]

We have a lot more to clear, given I have not had work for 6 months. But I nailed a top rate so I will be all square in 4 months. I will leave a $1 owed in my car account to avoid their pesky early termination fees. But it will be nice to list debts as "$1" LOL

[OubaasDik]

I'm with you Nev. My mum passed away some years ago, and my poor father is watching his mates die like flies around him, even his eldest brother is dead from lung cancer. I am so far away from him, but I try to phone him at least every 1-2 months and see how he is going. That dread call Rhyss referred to will come, as it must for all of us, but man I am not keen. But even so I doubt I will return to SA, even for a visit. No desire to do so. To those who do, good on yer! Emigration, tough but totally doable.

:offtopic:

Nev and others, you will be pleased to know I have designed a new app that allows for zero interest mortgages. Yes, zero interest. I am refining the model now, and all the regulatory and legislative BS that comes with such a radical idea, but I have consulted to many banks so I know it's feasible. The problem will be getting around the fat cat gatekeepers. This was borne out of me working in banks and seeing first hand just how badly they screw the customer. I have sat in meetings where they call the lawyers in and ACTIVELY discuss how to work the customer for more money. For e.g. when the NCA Act came into effect they would no longer be allowed to nail people overlimit fees. No problem, wheel the lawyers in and figure out how to get that lost revenue stream back, and more. I'm not knocking lawyers, but the utter heartlessness of it shocked me to the core.

Yes they are in it to win for their shareholders, but that is disgusting. So fast forward many years and it came to me in a flash, quite literally. In a dream one night. I believe it is from God, since the bible says usury is unlawful. So here's to one little man's quest to free his fellow man as best he can! I hope I get it to fly, even if I don't make a dime from the idea, the thought of being able to help people rid themselves of the shackle of a mortgage gives me relentless optimism.

Do you know you can get a special rate with Telstra landlines that enables you to talk to a landline in RSA for $15 for the first half hour and then another half hour free? Well, you could in 2012, when I moved to Canberra.

If your landline phone is with them, give them a shout. I used to phone and talk to my Dad every week for an hour.

[Sassyninja]

Well written, makes me very nervous for our journey ahead. But thanks. haha.

[SurferMan]

I do try and call more often, but my dad is old and his mobile is not attached to him like it is to young kids.

[sianvz]

Thanks for this post! I was looking around the forum for something that might help us when we go in a week's time. It will be our first trip to SA since we left. We made a 2 year rule to allow us to settle properly before going for a holiday.

My husband is worried he will have such a good holiday that he'll forget the bad times and constant sukkel and regret the move, but I'm hoping that along with the great times it will also be a reality check on how lucky we are to be able to live in Australia.

I'm already getting vibes from some family who don't like our itinerary because it doesn't suit them and some arranging get togethers with distant cousins who I literally have not seen or spoken to in 6 years so we've had to be firm with them but try not to be insensitive. At the end of the day it is our holiday and we want it to be a happy and relaxing one, spent doing things we enjoy and with people who are special to us. We will see my family in 6 months at my brothers wedding in America so our friends are definitely our priority because it could be another two years before we see them again.

I'm really excited - I'll report back!

[Rynier]

Thanks for your story Brid I really enjoyed that. We are going visiting a South Africa in Dec after two years - will probably have to face the same emotions!

[Joeemm]

Hi All,

Sorry for the late post, but its been a busy week. We went back for the 1st time in almost 10 years last December, I was very nervous about going (for all the usual reasons) I found everything as I expected, power outages, bad roads etc etc. But, it was nice to see some very dear family and friends again. My son (7) got to see all the 'wild' animals' he'd asked about (and we didn't get to Kruger, but I can live with that). He got to meet cousins he'd only skyped and even ride a mini off-road motor bike (which he eventually loved). I'm very grateful I could give him these memories.

So all in all I'm glad we went, BUT, I was very happy to be back home in Perth after just 15 days or so. I found the background stress everyone tells you about very real and found myself back in the habit of sizing up everyone I saw around me as potential threats (I know crazy), the 7 foot fences an arms everywhere etc. I saw a municipal strike in Dullstroom, (small dorp in what used to be North East transvaal)! the place was a complete mess, rubbish strewn all over the one main road of the town (which depends on tourism for income).

I had the opportunity to talk to good friends who are still there, I can say that most were pretty negative about the 'state of the nation'. I got the impression they would leave if they could. Some were more optimistic and want to stay and re-build a new South Africa, I'm not convinced that anything done to address the many, many issues in South Africa can be done in time to change the outlook for my friends and even their children. Just my view.

So, in a nutshell, I'm glad we went, but it will take very great deal of persuasion to drag me back again. I'd much rather pay for Gran et al to come visit us.

Peace my friends

J