Young children and immigration

[Tazzn]

I have been grappling this for a while and I know many people have said that kids adapt quickly but I am worried.

We haven't even moved country yet and already she is unsettled. At the end of Feb we sold our house and moved in with my parents. we will be with them until the 16th of May when we leave for Melbourne. Though my daughter (almost 3) loves my parents and has actually spent many nights and even weekends with them she seems to be missing her home.

From a child that always slept like a dream she more often than not now wakes in the middle of the night (often more than once) and asks to "go to her home". We have been open about the move with her and though I am sure she has no idea of the enormity of the move she knows that we are going to move to Australia, that we will travel on a big airplane and we will find a new home in Australia.

Is there anything else I can do to help her with this upheaval and make her feel more settled? I have tried to keep the routine as similar to before as we can.

[Mara]

Tazz, it is expected, children pick up very quickly that things are not the same. Even though you may be trying to keep her in the same routine, it is not her routine to her, as she is at granny's house, not hers. It may take her a short time to settle, but I am sure that as soon as she gets into her own home with her own routine, she will settle. A lot of the churches have free play groups, perhaps that is something she will enjoy!

[AFreshStart]

Tazzn,

I'll be honest, it's the only thing that has had me concerned with the move.

My son (4) and daughter (2) were very close to my in-laws, saw them every day and spent weekends there. They've both settled remarkably well and love their new friends, school, community and home. They chat once a week on Skype and to be honest they are both so busy with their lives here that they've not been overly bothered. I was worried this past week as it was Grandparents day at school, but my son just asked me to attend in their place, we played games, had a picnic and it was just another day for us.

My daughter has been less interested, settled in well, I think much of that had to do with shipping our belongings ahead of us. I arrived 2-weeks ahead of them and though the location had changed when they arrive all their toys, clothes, beds and belongings were unpacked and ready to be played with and it felt like home, something to consider if you haven't.

We are moving next week AGAIN, having only settled in here 4 months ago we managed to buy a flat in a suburb close by, so more moving, though we've taken the kids to the next place, took them both on the show day and driven past, played in the parks, visited the local library, just to show them were we'll be moving, which will hopefully make it easier as well.

Cheers

Matt

Edited March 26, 2015 by AFreshStart

[Jordy]

Children at that age settle extremely quickly - a few weeks. Compared to adults this is super quick. However children pick up nerves, anxiety, worry etc in parents. so if parents are anxious children will play up. they will be niggly and throw tantrums. This unfortunately makes the parents even more on edge. The best thing you could do for your child is try calm yourself around them. when they play up dont freak out at them, just let it be.

I remember when we left, at the airport, we were scared and nervous and all that stuff. We were petrified how our 20 month old would act on the plane. the vibes we were giving off definitely made our daughter worse. I only know this because we subsequently flew a few years later and our second child who was the same age as the first when we left was day and night different because we were so much more relaxed.

[DXB2OZ]

Second what Jordy said. I don't imagine you are feeling all that calm and relaxed either.

Just remember, this will pass and it will be ok. If she doesn't sleep that well and has to catch up with a nap, it's ok. It might not be great, but it's ok. She will not be permanently scarred by the experience, there will be no long term emotional damage done and in a few years time she will not even remember this time.

My best advice (moved countries many times with small children and bigger children) is to be as flexible as possible, try and keep some structure, but keep it fluid as and when the need arises. You will be calmer for it and so will she.

If all else fails, come onto the forum and have a vent and a whinge. Kept me (relatively) sane.

[RYLC]

When we took our Aussie born kids to visit family in RSA I packed their duvet covers to lay over the bed to give them a sense of familiarity. Seeing their usual duvet cover on the bed gave them an anchor that they were okay. We also use a specific CD as sleeping music and this goes everywhere with us even now.

Also wanted to add that kids adapt very quickly to the actual move to Oz - it's the hanging around, staying with relatives and "waiting" that can be stressful for them.

[Tazzn]

Thanks everyone. I suppose living with parents is not easy for us either. It's not our space and we are not 100% relaxed. Think it's harder for my husband (think it's always more difficult staying with your in laws vs your actual parents).

I do think she will feel better once we have our own home - not granny's house etc... Suppose this is just another bump and twist is the roller coaster ride!

[rozellem]

I have said before, that I made colourful bunting for the kids and have strung it across their ceiling in 5 houses now. So, wherever they are, when they lay down on their bed, the ceiling looks the same. Perhaps you could take her to go pick out the fabric ( or felt) and have her involved in the making process. In Aus, you can buy temporary sick on hooks (3M product) that the landlords are ok with, to attach it without damaging the ceiling.

[Mellee]

Hi All,

Has anyone immigrated with teenagers ? Ours is a 13 year old boy, and he is not happy about this move at all

[monsta]

Good luck Mellee. I am sure that must be incredibly difficult. It must be a whole new world for him over here. And the fact that he has no say in the matter must be a big thing.

I had a mate who immigrated to Ireland with hus parebts when he was 19. It was hard as he felt he was forced into it. Imem "Move to Dublin or get your own place

..". He eventually came around when he got a good job in Dublin. He wouldn't think of moving back to RSA now.

[DXB2OZ]

Mellee, my daughter was 12 for this last move and we couldn't have left it much later. It is incredibly hard with teenagers - my suggestion is to allow them their feelings of sadness and anger, they are valid, but explain the logic behind the move. Then give it time. That is the only weapon you have.

[Mikej]

My oldest was 4 when we came over and he used to see his gran every day in South Africa. He cried for her for nearly a year and it was like a death for him. He was so happy when she came to visit but suffered all over again when she left.