1982 Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Hey ForumitesIts been 4 months since my husband and I landed in Adelaide. This is.........I'm ashamed to say...........my first post. I had every intention of posting regularly to help answer questions of those wanting to come over, but to be honest I was feeling pretty negative and down and didn't want to come across ungrateful for this visa opportunity. We were so lucky to have family to stay with for the past 4 months and have probably had it 'easy' compared to most but to be honest it has been one hell of an emotional, stressful and doubtful experience.High's:We were impressed with how easy and stress free we were able to set up medicare, bank accounts, convert drivers licenses, etc. I love how affordable lamb is and the good quality on offer. I appreciate the absence of road rage. I enjoy not feeling afraid at traffic lights or driving at night. People here are very welcoming and hospitable. The beaches / city centre / parks / public transport / vineyards are amazing. We found a great Church which reminds us of home. We found work after 2 months, both bought cars and moved into our own place yesterday in Hallett Cove.Low's: I have got both hospitality and retail experience and ended up applying for 180 jobs. Our resume's were Aussiefied but we found it to be a numbers game. We took the rejections personally which one shouldn't. I got desperate and applied for a dog grooming job (not even a call back) ha ha, my husband and I still joke and say I should have called them to ask why I wasn't considered or shortlisted. The interviewing process is overwhelming, first an online interview, then telephonic, then 1 on 1 or a group interview. You would laugh at some of the group activities I had to participate in . It takes FOREVER for anyone to get back to you!!! And there we thought we would be a 'catch' to any business - clearly not as there are hundreds of people applying for the same job. I have found it very difficult to feel comfortable in my surroundings, I get upset seeing the 'lost' youth - swearing, etc. There is a 'roughness' which is disappointing. The biggest low for us is the constant longing for our dog which we had to put down before coming, she was apart of us and slept in my bed for 10 years. There is a definite void in our lives without her.So in a nutshell I have been very emotional, I am saddened by my reaction towards this move and thought I was stronger than this - I have a constant lump in my throat and ache in my heart. It has not been easy on our 1 year old marriage but luckily I have and amazingly supportive and positive husband. My spirits have lifted though since we moved into our own place and I hope this will help us settle. We will be sending for our furniture this week which is something to look forward to. I think it is so important to get settled with familiar things asap. I am turning 33 this week and will give myself an imaginary kick up the behind to progress forward with force. I don't mean to be discouraging or negative to newcomers, these are merely my feelings and experiences - I am however very grateful to have the visa, a supportive family and the Lords guidance. We knew it would be tough, I remind myself of the reasons we decided to come to Aus, we made a wise choice - it's just difficult to get the heart and the mind on the same level once you get here.Thanks for letting me vent!Any advice welcome Wishing all a fabulous 2015. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RYLC Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) we thought we would be a 'catch' to any business - clearly not as there are hundreds of people applying for the same job. This is something that all new arrivals have to remember - we are not special - we are now one of the masses.There is a 'roughness' which is disappointing. You'll find this in all first world countries where kids are more worldly wise and exposed to adult stuff at a much younger age. Having said that we were advised that southern suburbs of Adelaide were a little rougher than others (far northern suburbs too) so your location won't be helping.We knew it would be toughI really feel for you because "knowing" in a thinking kind of way is so very different to "feeling" how tough. Give yourself credit for getting through each day. The first year is the hardest so just get through it.I do really think that you should get a dog again. It sounds to me like all the emotion in your post could be summed up by the fact that you are heartbroken about your dog and if you had her to cuddle up to at night nothing would seem so bad. Taking her for walks would get you out and about and you'd be surprised how many people you meet through having a dog (or kids )Look after yourself, have a good cry to let it out, it's going to be okay... Edited January 12, 2015 by Crisplet 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McCabes Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Just want to say Hugs!!! It is very helpful to have people who share their experiences honestly and openly - thank you for doing so - I appreciate all the posts like these that offer a balanced view. I agree with Crisplet, I think you need a new (if only new to you) fur-baby, your dog was a big part of your life, your comfort and your sense of "home". Take care and go gently Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurferMan Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Hi 1982,Thanks for being honest and sharing your experiences. You will be okay, I also think getting a pooch may help you quite a bit. I don't have such an attachment to my former dogs but can understand people who do. Also, try joining up at a church (if you are the type) volunteer work etc.It helps a lot of people get into the Aussie groove. Don't think for a moment its easy, but you have done the right thing, keep going. We are barracking for you!! (JUST DONT say "root" it means "other" things to Aussies!!) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarinWise Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Dear 1982, My heart goes out to you, it really does. And yes, you are right, nothing could have prepared you for this journey.It's hard, really hard. I had visited Australia 6 times before re-locating here, and still, nothing prepared me for the emotional roller coaster of this ride.I was in mourning for two years, missed home like crazy (more the people than the place) and really disliked everything about living here. No friends, no family, no sense of the familiar, no much loved hair salons, restaurants, spas etc.On top of it all-it's so expensive , no money to do anything fun.1982, it does get better!!! Some people adapt really quickly, others mourn for longer-I always thought of myself of a super quick adaptor, and was surprised to see that I was the one in a state when we made the move.My husband fought me on this move every step of the way, I had to practically drag him over kicking and screaming, and he adapted really well and quickly.I saw sides to myself that I never really knew existed.It was not a pleasant surprise.Hang on in there, get a fur-baby, the are the best comfort, and feel free to express yourself on this forum.It helped me a lot-just to know you are not the only one feeling that way.All the best-there are people out there rooting for you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elleneo Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Get a dog, we left our sausage dogs in Sa and 3 years later even though we were settled something was missing. So we got Suki, she completed our family and warms the heart when I'm feeling lonely ( I'm home alone a lot! Get a dog, we left our sausage dogs in Sa and 3 years later even though we were settled something was missing. So we got Suki, she completed our family and warms the heart when I'm feeling lonely ( I'm home alone a lot! And once you go Dash you never go back! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1982 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Thanks so much for the positive vibes means so much to know you have all dealt with these feelings. Thanks Crisplet for the advice - luckily it's not our neighbourhood which is rough, we have moved into a new development with lovely scenic views. I agree though that there are areas which should simply be avoided!!! I refer mostly to being out and about and noticing the lack of class and self respect. I must say I have found it better using my own means of transport. SurferMan - We joined a great Church (Holy Trinity) which we were referred to back home, really enjoying it.KarinWise - Im glad you say it gets better! And I hope I return to my old self.Thanks everyone for the well wishes and support. Hubby and I are about to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner in our new home.Cheersxx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1982 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Get a dog, we left our sausage dogs in Sa and 3 years later even though we were settled something was missing. So we got Suki, she completed our family and warms the heart when I'm feeling lonely ( I'm home alone a lot!Get a dog, we left our sausage dogs in Sa and 3 years later even though we were settled something was missing. So we got Suki, she completed our family and warms the heart when I'm feeling lonely ( I'm home alone a lot!image.jpgAnd once you go Dash you never go back!Hey elleneoCant believe you have a sausage - we had one too. I agree ....once you go dash you never go back!! Please let me know how one posts a pic? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmNew Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Thanks for being brave enough to share your story. It is always good to read about both sides of the emotional roller coaster ride that we're on. I understand that all experiences will be unique to the individuals and their circumstances, but sometimes it's good to be sobered by getting more insight as to how difficult this process can be for some.I sincerely hope that all turns out well for you all - a Blessed 2015 and beyond for your new life.(When our turn comes to actually move across, we will also be mourning fur kids that have been in our lives for 15 years so far and cannot make the trip with us. I have a suspicion it too will overshadow all else happening at the time.........) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriD Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Huge hugs! This is definitely not an easy journey and can really test one at the best of times.I wanted to say how I identify with you with regards to your beloved furbaby. I had my oldest kitty put down and my other 2 cats and my 2 dogs are now living with my parents. The only thing that is missing from my life here is a furbaby to love...the gap that they leave is more tremendous that you could ever imagine. I think of my old faithful kitty and I miss her so that my heart aches. I think once you have had such a loved animal in your life...it is so hard to just have that void.Congratulations on all the progress you have made so far...just take each day one day at a time and in time you will start to feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parks Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) Dear 1982,Wow, I was clearly meant to go onto the forum this morning and read your post. I too have not been able to post since landing 8 weeks ago, I have been way to consumed in doubt, this whole move has affected me like I never imagined.I also look at the kids and think to myself why havd I brought my kids here and why would I want to expose them to these kind of kids, yes sure I know its safer than SA, and they will have equal opportunities and all that, but I still cant help and panic at the thought of my kids turning out like some of the delinquents I've seen and heard, quite an eye opener and frightening as a parent.We were in a small community where everyone knew everyone, and that saying 'it takes a village to raise a child' is screaming out at me. We know no one with kids our kids age, 17,15 & 8and they start a new State school where I haven't got a clue first hand what it's like. All these doubts and the close family unit we left behind is so sad.I find I worry about everything, from work, to how the hell are we ever going to afford to retire, will we ever afford our own home in time, to will the kids turn out ok.1982, I truly empathise with you and hopefully in the near future I too will be able to post about our early days and the emotional roller coaster ride.I hope you feel better soon and just letting you know you not alone with these thoughts.T Edited January 12, 2015 by Parks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miran Posted January 12, 2015 Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 The "weird" kids you noticed are succeeding in their goal: to get attention and shock. Fortunately I heard yesterday that they aren't so much in the majority, but because schools allow all kinds of hairstyles, they really go for it........ At VicRoads we had the experience of 2 brats having a burping and farting contest, the mom not doing much to stop it. I spoke to a fellow South African who's been here 8 years and she said that you get all sorts of groups at school. And most kids at school actually avoid the weird ones. Just for today or maybe Saturday at a shopping centre or beach, look for normal kids and compare that total to the amount of scruffy looking kids. You'll be amazed. In SA you also get a lot of "bad" kids, but it's harder to spot because of school rules about hairstyles, piercings and tattoos (which is obviously the national sport here at the moment.........)I actually considered a career change, because I really don't want to teach 99% brats, but after hearing from someone who's actually been through the school system, I'm a lot more positive now.If you both work long hours, maybe getting a dog isn't the best choice, the hours alone is hell for a dog. Maybe reconsider that or otherwise get two!We've been here just over 2 weeks, and I had to swallow back tears when I saw wine from Durbanville and Savannah (imported from SA). Good luck, I hope things look brighter soon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuzanneT Posted January 13, 2015 Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Hi Parks and 1982.Everyone's immigration story is different, but I think most of us had a bit of a shock when we landed in Aus.The biggest challenge to most is securing a new job and then to actually fit in and get used to the Aussie way of doing things. I've seen so many others go through this and we tend to take it sooo personally, when in actual fact it's not. If you don't have Aus experience, you will have to proof yourself first. Be patient, it gets a lot easier. Focus on learning and getting to know the new work culture. The start of the new year should bring more job opportunities. My advise for finding a job would be to apply as soon as the job is advertised - don't bother applying for anything more then a few days old. They would have received a bunch of applications by then and already have a shortlist. Also try to talk to the recruiter before you send your resume through and make sure your cover letter and resume is updated for that specific job's requirements. We've been here for 6+ years and my husband recently made the move to contracting, he doesn't have any problems securing a new contract. But it took 5 years to get here.It's a lot to take in in the beginning, and everything feels so foreign. I have a vivid memory of a day I walked out of my Melbourne office into the street and something felt different - I realised after pausing for a moment and looking around me that for the first time in a year I didn't feel like I was in a strange place. It actually looked and felt normal and like I belonged here.It also takes time to build a support network up again. Especially with schools and kids. Parks, have you looked at South African Facebook groups in Queensland and in your area? You can maybe post a question about schools and get some insight? Or even try this forum? Or maybe ask the school if they know of any other South African familes in the school? It would be a good way to meet other families with kids the same age. We all understand that when you've just arrived you are clueless about these things and many are willing to help with advise etc.And about the youth, yes there are a few delinquints, but we're moving around in a lot of public spaces like train stations etc where you will find a mix of all kinds of people together - where in South Africa we used to mostly keep to ourselves. It doesn't even bother me anymore - guess I got used to it.A lot of us think the hard work is applying for and getting the visa and wrapping life up in South Africa, but the real hard work starts once you've landed - and most of the time we are emotionally exhausted when we get here. It does get easier and it does take time, the first year/two years will be a roller-coaster of emotions and things will go right and things will go wrong. I remember nights where I couldn't sleep because of anxiety and had to pray myself to sleep. You've gotta have faith and take it one step at a time.It's soooo worth it!!!!!!!Good luck to all the new arrivals! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parks Posted January 13, 2015 Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 SuzanneT,Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, guess I need to stop worrying about the future and concentrate on getting through each day at a time for now. I do like it here and hope I settle sooner than later.Kind Regards 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1982 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Dear ParksI'm so sorry you are also struggling. I wish we lived closer together so we could drink red wine and cry on eachothers shoulder ?. I find myself crying on the tram for no reason besides feeling lost, or wanting to get off cause of a weirdo climbing on - I have lost my personality and am no fun to be around so couldn't make friends even if I tried - ha ha! I had no idea I could have this many personalities and emotions to follow in one day!! With regards to kids - we left SA so that we could consider a family but now I am more concerned than ever. I hold onto what those who have been here longer have to say and pray for a heart change. I know that the hurt and longing will subside a little more each day. I'm pretty sure if I were to go back for a visit I would acknowledge immediately the reasons we left. I'm praying for you and the others longing for home. Call me if you ever want to chat - I will pm you my number xxLet's remember why we did this ?!! lots of love and well wishes your way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RYLC Posted January 13, 2015 Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Can you reach out to your church community as they will have ladies coffee mornings organised or are you working during the day?I really feel for you and remember that first year as being like a roller coaster with not knowing what to expect. It does get better. I truly believe that the sooner you can get a dog again the better. Perhaps contact RSPCA and see if they have any that fit the bill?(Hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chantalgr Posted January 13, 2015 Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 I don't have much to add except to say Thank You for sharing your experience with us It helps me to think more realistically about the whole process, especially the emotional roller coaster ride . So awesome that your found a church so quickly!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rozellem Posted January 13, 2015 Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 1982, I was just thinking that you need to find something you feel passionate about (dogs?) and offer your time and skills as a volunteer. It will take your mind off your loss and channel your energy into something productive. I think you are doing a bit too much thinking and analysing at the moment. You will get out and meet new people and who knows where that would lead. Some of the most successful relocations on here was by people who have volunteered. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider Posted January 14, 2015 Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 where in Adelaide are you based?I promise it does get easier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pell Posted January 14, 2015 Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 1982,I so hear you. I had to leave my two kitties behind and I have cried bitter tears over how much I miss them. I was not able to find a home for them in spite of a 6+ months search and so I had to consider putting them down. Luckily, someone who knew someone who knew someone else arranged for a place for them at a no-kill shelter, where they can live even if they don't get adopted. I get regular updates but it still breaks my heart that they're not sleeping in our bed.... For me this has been perhaps one of the hardest parts of moving. If you can, get another dog, it won't be your precious one that you had to put down, but it will bring you joy... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eto Posted January 14, 2015 Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 Hi 1982,Sorry, but i can unfortunately not comfort you, as I went through exactly the same and ended up returning to RSA in 2008. Since then the thought of returning to Oz was always on our mind (especially when Julius appears on tv) , but i just never could get myself to make that move again.My youngest daughter spent most of 2014 in Perth where she completed yr5. She loved it to bits and wants us all to return asap. So now it looks like the "Groot Trek" will take place in the next few weeks and i have no idea how i will handle the 2nd round .Some say it is easier the 2nd time round, but only time will tell unfortunately.Best of luck and take care.Eto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riekie Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Thank you for your honesty! 4 Months is still early days - hang in there, it WILL get better! Give it at least 18 months... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarinWise Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Dear ETo, Wow, I admire your courage to try it a second time.That takes real guts!How long were you in Australia before moving back to SA?I am sure you must be quite apprehensive about this second move, do you feel better prepared this time?What will you do differently?I wish you all the best, and may it be everything you hope it will be!Anybody else done the "Groot Trek" twice?If so, I would love to hear your story, is it really better second time around? Or are there people out there that have done it twice , only to return to SA once again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eto Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Hi KarinWise,Not sure if it is courage or the fact that i am a sucker for punishment Only joking.We spent just on 3 years in Oz (Perth) before returning. Have to say though that it was much better towards the end, but we had to return for personal reasons.Would i do anything different? Dont think so, as we were quite well prepared for the move, but i do believe that there is not one person on earth that can prepare you for that emotional rollercoaster. You can read all the books and listen to everybodies advice, but at the end of the day that is something you have to experience and work through as a family.Lets hope this our final "Groot Trek", as i am now too old and broke Good luck.Eto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurferMan Posted January 17, 2015 Report Share Posted January 17, 2015 Eto, are you coming back to Aus? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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