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Drifting...arriving...surviving and finally growing up


Toitjie

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It has been a year for us...and I have decided to culminate my experiences in one journal, instead of keeping up 2 different journals, that is, work and play :)

Our 1 year Oz anniversary was 23 November 2014 and where I usually couldnt wait to report on such matters, it took me a while before I decided to capture everything in a journal.

No real bad reasons though, Im just tired :) deathly and utterly tired. I cannot wait for the holidays!

But I digress....the past year. As everyone, you tend to reflect when a certain date like a one year anniversary arrives and you anaylyse things more than usually, and more than you probably should. In my case, I over-analyse everything, I overthink the smallest things and constantly worry about what is going on around me (mostly work related). Not a good idea and if anyone has a magic cure to not doing this, please let me know.

In the bigger scheme of things, I love my new life. I do not yearn to go back one bit. Australia is a great country and I can safely say, after being in Canberra for a full year, I honestly dont get why people snub the place or dont like it. It's beautiful, safe, clean, small enough so traffic is not really an issue but big enough to supply plenty retail therapy and only 110km from the coast. As long as we have employment I really dont want to move away. My kids are as happy as can be in their fantastic school.

I have struggled though with a few things. One is the stress of my job. Australians work vastly different to SA. In SA you had more downtime I think, we could afford it. Here there aren't any of that. Everyone has to work as hard as the company can possibly flog them. Maybe it's different for other companies and maybe it's just my personality, but I cannot switch off from work and I work sometimes day and night, literally. The pace is lightning speed fast and the pressure I am under is enormous. Maybe due to me working in a recruitment agency rather than normal in-house recruitment. There is an expectation from clients that they can snap their fingers and I can magically produce the perfect candidate. And mostly I can, but it comes at a cost. I developed a twitch in my right eye which I account to stress. I am as healthy as a horse, but my blood pressure has risen slightly :) maybe too much salt or stress. Whatever it is, I know I cannot keep this up indefinately.

But my work environment also is better than I expected. Save for the one girl who still is a thorn in my side , the rest welcomed me into their lives. The office bought a table tennis table and we play daily, just for 10 minutes, to get away from your desk and to relieve some stress. It works like a charm. It's friendly competition, we laugh so hard you can hear it a floor down and the office is a very happy place.

In my line of work I come across the everyday ozzies, and although I have met a fair few dodgy people, for the most part I connect with them. I do not feel like an outsider. When we go through the process of interviewing and testing, although I must sound different, I dont feel different and Im not treated differently. Except of course, I have had the 3 candidates (seperately) asking me what my relationship status is :) One admitted he loves my accent. So I dont feel self conscious about my accent anymore. I just wing it!

During this past year what I have found increasingly difficult to deal with is keeping close contact with my best friend. She was (and still is) everything to me. We were like sisters and I have known her for 12 years. But it's really hard. What hit me between the eyes and still hurts, is when her dad passed away (completely unexpectedly) she didnt let me know. I had to see it on facebook of all places. I was shocked that morning when I saw her post. Of course I couldnt say anything, it would look petty and she just lost her dad. And I couldnt be there for her, so it sucked big time.

I have also bought a ticket back to SA next year to be with her on her 50th birthday, although I have to fly back the day after her actual b'day. And maybe Im wrong to assume that people should include me in their plans, their plans were to rather have the actual bash the day I have to leave as it better suits everyone. So an expensive trip and I will still not be able to attend the party.

Other than that I really dont want to go back to SA. I have regretted buying that ticket a thousand times over, but I still miss her, and I miss my grandmother, whom I will visit as well. It will probably be the last time I see her as she is getting so frail and I dont think I will go back again. Im dreading the trip. My parents are already claiming I should stay with them (the are not together) so I have decided to book myself into a nice hotel and treat myself a little.

My 10 year old daughter has bloomed into the most wonderful little girl. She is self assured in a shy, silent way that I envy her. She is not loud and obnoxious like her ozzie friends but she puts them in their place if need be. The one little girl is a complete spoiled brat but they were rather good friends. But this girl is out of control and do all sorts of naughty things that Kayla told her she would not be part of. End of friendship. Kayla was not bothered and got herself another friend. Then this girl started spreading nasty things about my child, including stuff like she brought Ebola out of Africa. I wanted to phone the mom and my husband, always seeing the lighter side, told her (jokingly) to give this kid a little bite and say, there you go, now you have Ebola!

I asked Kayla to confront this girl about it and talk it out. She admitted it and later asked if they could be friends again. Kayla said she would think about it. Left her to sweat it out a couple of days and now they are besties once more. Without any help or advice from me, she handled this kid perfectly, without stooping low and showing her some kindness. Im so proud!

Another thing I struggle with is the SA newsfeed on facebook. On the one hand I feel like I should take it off but on the other hand, it is still my country and my people and my family that has to cope with the load shedding, the constant stream of murders and the bad bad service. It feels so surreal because I dont know that fear anymore so when I see the black and blue face of a 80 year old woman who was beaten to within an inch of her life, I feel a cold hand of anxiety clenching my heart. I absolutely hate that feeling

As to friends, tricky. There are hundreds of south africans in Canberra, yet not that easy to make good friends. Generally we dont go out much (as I just want to read and rest over weekends - Im getting old!) but Im getting tired of the under currents of who likes who and who doesnt. There are a couple of south africans that I can see myself being friends with and I have one good friend that I used to work with in SA. But the others....welll...I find it strange when I see parties being organised in a group that you know but you arent included....obviously didnt make the cut. I always wonder about things like that, and yes, we cant be friends with everyone but it's still such a different scenario than what it was in SA

there you made friends over years and years. Here, because we arrive as adults, and have no friends when you land, the race is on. The process of making, getting and keeping friends is done is fast forward mode. Everyone meets everyone, weeds out those they dont like and so on and so on.... double speed. Feels like school all over again.

I am feeling more and more comfortable with the couple of ozzie mates we have made. We have been invited to another party at my boss's house tonight with 45 of their friends...again we will be the only SA's, and I feel enormously privileged that they have included us in their friendship circle. Her husband is a great guy and their friends are all easy-going, relaxed and a lot of fun to be with. their parties are known to be heaps of fun, lots of wine, pizzas, big bonfire and music. I miss having such good friends to have a big party. Maybe that is why everyone is in overdrive to make friends and goes down the list of known SA's, because our time to establish a new circle of friends is limited. Or maybe it's just me being nostalgic :)

But it's all for the greater good isn't it? A year of ups and downs, and while we dont report on any given year when we were in SA, here every year is a little victory. I have met plenty of ozzies that cannot make ends meet, or who tells me they want a gardener job as they cannot take the stress in the office anymore. Then I realise, no matter where you are, humans will follow. And with them all the problems that only humans can bring. You just need to decide which of the problems you can deal with and which not and decided where to settle.

The kids, Lucy the Brave Scotty and I still find a lot of solace in driving in the afternoons on farm roads, bundu-bashing as we call it. We just drive and see where the roads take us.

I think we have chosen wisely. For the time being, this is good enough that we will stay, and not just stay, but be happy and prosper.

Now Im off to seek to look for another job :)

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Very nice Toitjie.

Loved the Ebola thing - that would be a great way to deal with it, except the Health and Safety police would be all over her for savaging the child. :)

I think your workplace is probably more stressful than most, I have hardly any stress at work, but then that's me.

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Hey OBD....I will work at your workplace any time ;)

Edited by Toitjie
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Toitjie, I feel for you about the friend in RSA thing... been there, done that. I have two friends, one that I have known for nearly 50 years and the other for about 30 years. Honestly, if I do not make contact, I would probably never hear from them. I have accepted that, and moved on. On the odd occasion I will call them, then we have a lovely chat and catch up.

With regard to Australia, I have met so many South Africans, have had absolutely dozens stay at my home, free of charge, some for two months... interesting fact is, there are only two couples that we still see and have contact with. This though I can understand, firstly they are happy that you have helped them out, then they find their feet, and they move on. Also, of course, we are much older than any of the new arrivals. We are four couples, all ex RSA, that have become good friends, one of them is actually Rhodesian, and I thank the Lord for her... although we do not see each other a lot, when we do it is like old times, we just carry on where we last left off. I am also on chatting terms with a lot of the Australian ladies at church, but we are not visiting buddies.

With regard to the job situation, I do agree with you, I found my work here much more stressful than RSA, but I cannot complain... I am now retired and enjoying the stress free life! Only hubby and the cat to bug me, hehe!

Your daughter sounds like a wonderful young girl with a very smart head on her shoulders!

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I have met young Toitjie - and she is very cute - I, as a single, older male am not allowed to notice, so I don't (and, yes, I do think she is everything Toitjie says), but I haven't seen her, or looked within 20 degrees of her .....


Hey OBD....I will work at your workplace any time ;)

Even the cleaners have to have a Basic security clearance .....

And I don't mean a Police Clearance, I mean a low level clearance from AGSVA - Australian Government Security Vetting Agency ......

... and in Das Dritte Welt (The Third World - aka South Africa), I couldn't even get Confidential, because I went to a "Communist University" aka Wits ...

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Toitjie, you bring tears to a grown man's eyes. Thank you for sharing the journey and letting everyone know that's the things we are experiencing are, to some degree, normal.

I removed myself completely from Facebook because of the groups of Saffa's who organize parties or bbq's and exclude us. I have learnt to make friends the same way would have in South Africa growing up. Meet people (regardless of where they come from or who they are), weed out those we have personality clashes with and make friends with the genuine ones.

We have unfortunately met more Saffa's in Australia we don't want to be friends with and many Aussie's we do. I have also lost some (who I thought were close) friends back in RSA but I'll move on just like they have.

I still maintain that this whole journey and process is what you make of it, it can either be the worst experience of your life or it can be the new beginning you've been looking for and I think your attitude is definitely in the right place. Look forward to reading more of this story.

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Toitjie - it is good to hear from you.

How is your hubby finding life here?

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I have met young Toitjie - and she is very cute - I, as a single, older male am not allowed to notice, so I don't (and, yes, I do think she is everything Toitjie says), but I haven't seen her, or looked within 20 degrees of her .....

Even the cleaners have to have a Basic security clearance .....

And I don't mean a Police Clearance, I mean a low level clearance from AGSVA - Australian Government Security Vetting Agency ......

... and in Das Dritte Welt (The Third World - aka South Africa), I couldn't even get Confidential, because I went to a "Communist University" aka Wits ...

OBD - you old flatterer you :) thank you for the kind words. he he...one day I will have clearance. I think we may apply for citizenship this time next year and I would love to have clearance, just for the fun of it :) (I know it's not fun to get it btw...just seems very spy-ish to say you have top secret clearance :)

Toitjie - it is good to hear from you.

How is your hubby finding life here?

hi there! Hubby has a whole story of his own. He left Big-W in the beginning of this year to pursue sales rep jobs and was miserable. They sent him to these little towns far far away where he and 3 other reps had to stay over for a week at a time and they made them share rooms, and the one he got has questionable hygiene so he was obviously not happy. Plus they were lazy, slept until 11am and then did one sale and went to the nearest pub to drink. Apparently they cannot be fired because they are sponsored and to fire them would mean to pay for flight for whole family and the company did not want to go that route. Then Big W phoned him and asked him back and said they really respect his work ethic as they cannot find good and dependable workers like him and promised that they would put him in a rotation course that would align him for a management position soon. That wont happen overnight but its the beginning. They said they have never asked someone back so it say something

He is now happy. It's still something to get used to because he works the afternoon shift which means he only gets home before midnight, but we just have to adjust to that I guess. He is willing to give it a go, and whereas he wasnt happy first time around, now that he knows they took notice and appreciates his effort, he is much happier. goes to show that a little appreciation goes a long way :)

We had the party at my boss's house on Saturday and what a jol it was :) the crowd of about 25 people are their very closest friends built over years and years and it was a strange feeling to be included in this group

we had a lot of fun..via spotify they played "In the jungle" for us...mimicking a lion and we laughed until our tummy's hurt :)

On days like those I can deal with the not so nice days...to just feel you belong somewhere is an extremely important thing to have.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks for sharing Toitjie! I'm sorry you've had such difficult and stressful times at work and otherwise, but am so happy to hear of all your joys and especially your admiration as your daughter blooms :)

I will confess that I am very curious to experience all this for myself. I don't really have a circle of friends in SA... my BFF lives in new york and while there are old colleagues and family friends I see a few times a year, there is no deep connection with anyone I see on a regular basis (and doesn't that sound sad!!! sorry...)

It just makes me wonder how all of this turns out when you're not going from a big circle of friends - when you're leaving little to none.

Anyway - hang in there, hope the new year brings a little more peace and less stressful times!

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19 December 2014

I am sitting at work, twiddling my thumbs which is an alien feeling to have! :)

Until last night 8pm I still fielded calls from clients who wanted freight handlers and workers to start at midnight that same night. But today it came to a grinding halt, everyone is closed and in holiday mode. Finally!!!

I will be going on holiday tomorrow morning, we are going to the coast, South Durras, for a week and I absolutely cannot wait to only wear flip flops and shorts with no make-up and just read all day and swim with the kids and Lucy.

My husband's cousin died this week in Cape Town. She was much loved and quite well known and I feel the saddest of sad feelings to know that she is gone. I have only met her once when we stayed with them before we left RSA for good and she is one of those rare people that you just love from the first moment you meet them. She had a presence around her, always positive and so giving and gracious.

I hate Facebook even more these days, after her passing. When the family obviously wanted to not make it public right away, my nosey idiot brother in law of course had to splash it all over facebook and the worst is, he spoke about her as if they were close and he loved her very much, where in fact he has told us last year he refuses to put his feet in her house because of her non-belief in a deity. The arrogance and bigotry of some people is priceless. Thank goodness I never have to see him again!

There has been some hints and references of me being promoted next year, so with that in mind, I hope to end this year on a positive note, with hope for the future :)

My kids have finished their first year in their new ozzie english school (year 3 and 4 for them) and they did so well! I am amazed and for those with Afrikaans kids, please dont stress about it. They will be fine.

My kids got A's, B's and C's. No D's. And I told them that for an Afrikaans kid going to an English school, a D is like a C and C like a B etc :) just to motivate them a little. I told them that I didnt mind whatever marks they got as it was only their first year, but they surprised me with an above average score. What really impressed them is that they did better than some of the English kids and that made them realise that it cannot be that hard. I told them that this year would have been the most difficult because of the transition, the rest will be easier and now that this year is over, they see that it's not that bad. They just needed a little confidence, but they are growing every day, into more mature little humans.

We still have to visit the Canberra Civic lights display, I think more than 1 million lights and it broke a world record or something. Will do that just before new year.

I cannot believe the year is over! this will be our 2nd Christmas...it's truly amazing how time flies. It feels like yesterday when we said it's our last Christmas in RSA, our last this and our last that.

Anyway....to everyone here and over in RSA, have a good holiday, be safe, enjoy every precious minute with your families.

take care and see you in 2015

lots of love

Yolandi

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Yolandi, what a lovely inspirational message.. holding thumbs for you for that promotion.. in the meantime, enjoy the break and have yourselves a wonderful relaxed Christmas!

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Thanx Mara :) hope you have a wonderful relaxed and festive Christmas too!

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  • 4 weeks later...

15 January 2015

And we are off...halfway into the first month...feels like holidays never happened :)

Our week at South Durras was very nice, just to get away from home was good. When we got back the trouble started. First Lucy cringed if you touch her head so we knew something was up. Then I spotted a fat tick under her eyelid, and I couldnt get it off so we took her to the vet. The vet took it off and another smaller one and gave her a tick bath. Then told me about paralysing tick fever. I honestly didnt know about this and obviously she got the ticks at the coast as they only are on the eastern seaboard north to south. But she didnt display any symptoms so the vet said just to monitor her closely and if she gets sick to take her to the vet hospital as it would by then be new year's and a public holiday.

Come 1 January, when we got up, we saw right away Lucy was walking a little wobbly and she was struggling to breathe. I knew. I took her and the vet said yes she has it. Prognosis? she didnt want to say so I got a very bad feeling. It was truly a dark day. She said Lucy had to stay there as they would give her the anti-serum and then it is just a waiting game. By the evening she was completely paralysed and I have never been so scared. At least her breathing was normal again. But fortunately she pulled through and the next morning I got my beloved Scottie back, all clipped as they took off her hair to make sure there werent any more ticks and still wobbly, but alive.

Now I know, and will never go to the coast again without proper treatment. This was not only extremely scary but costly. The whole exercise cost me $1500 of which I should be getting a portion back because I took out pet insurance (thank goodness I did)

At work, we back in routine, same problems, issues and troubles. I saw an advert for a great position in December and thought I wanted to apply but didnt. It was for a Resource Manager at an IT firm and I thought maybe I dont have what it takes. But last week i applied, got a phone interview the next day and after that got an interview this week, which was Monday. The interview was an hour long and then they wanted my references. Today i heard I didnt get it, I was second. It is sad and I felt really bad for a while but I also realised that it was a very good experience for me. The interview was good and I think I did well. There will be other jobs. I will keep on until I have that perfect job (if that exists :) )

On TV there is this program about top 20 funniest videos and on one of them 2 idiots had a cinnamon challenge where they eat a spoonful of cinnamon. It didnt look too bad and my kids have been nagging they want to do this challenge and I should record it so they can be on TV :) In the end I relented and said they can try. I didnt think this through and it's actually very very dangerous. They were all giggly but the moment they put that cinnamon in their mouths, they obviously still want to breath and when they took a breath the cinnamon powder instantly suffocated them. It was a scary moment. Kayla coughed everything out but Aiden swallowed so much he started turning blue. I had to give him a few very hard slaps on the back to get it all out and he drank liters and liters of water. I felt really bad, I should have known. At least I was there and the lesson learned i think was valuable. They now realise that you cant do everything you see on TV and more importantly, dont do any crazy stuff without supervision. We all had a good scare and a nervous laugh afterwards. They wont touch cinnamon now...I guess there goes pancakes

Australia day is coming up..it will be our 2nd one. I think this year I feel much more relaxed. Last year I wanted to attend every event and every thing that was happening. Now I feel much more settled...but I think the Australia Day celebrations usually are very nice to attend, we will probably attend the fireworks

I have finally tried my hand in making biltong! I think i have a good recipe I just have to make sure it doesnt soak too long in the salt mix because the first batch was very very salty. But it was sooo good!!

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Our biltong-making was also trial and error....eventually looked up the recipe in 'Kook en Geniet" and worked out the quantities for 1kg of meat...now it's just perfect :)

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If you guys need a biltong recipe, let me know, or Mara. We both make our own wors and stuff. I make about 10-25kg biltong at a time, and it's all eaten in about 2-3 weeks. I make between 15-40kg of sausage at a time as well, not quite the >100kg Mara makes, but Im getting there!!! :jester: :jester:

Production will need to increase, my kids eat like horses. We already use 2 chickens for dinner, last night we went through 12 thighs. (I made a wicked lemon chicken bake)

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Hey Bigvan,

When you land, can I assume you will come around for a BBQ? Please, I DO NOT DO GAS. I refuse to put my taste buds through betrayal. LOL

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Toitjie, I just love reading your updates!

I am SO happy that Lucy pulled through from the Paralysis tick. It really is horrible to see how it affects them! So glad also that you have Pet Insurance...I would recommend it to anyone in this country...having a pet sick can be SUPER expensive here.

Don't be too hard on yourself about the cinnamon thing...when I started to read your post it didn't flash any alarm bells right off for me either. Glad everyone came out the other side of the challenge a bit wiser and more careful lol.

Well done on getting to number 2 for that interview! Def keep your eye out and the right one will come along for you :)

Sending big hugs

xx

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Hi Crisplet,

grab my recipes under the Home and Hearth section of the forum. :ilikeit: If you have a particular flavour you like, please let me know and I will customise a recipe for you.

Cheers


Here you go.

http://www.saaustralia.org/index.php/topic/44214-new-recipe-teaser-surfermans-beach-boerewors/

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I JUST posted a wicked new chicken salad recipe for you Crisplet.

Edited by SurferMan
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  • 1 month later...

14 March 2015

I can NOT believe we are already in the middle of March this year. The older I get the quicker time passes...kinda scary...

It's time for a huge update from my side :) the other day when I ended a post saying I was off to Seek to look for another job...well, I found one.

I found an awesome HR job at the ANU (Australian National University), applied for it and was, love and behold, interviewed a couple of weeks ago. I say love and behold because it's very difficult to get in with ANU, or so I hear. but I was the preferred candidate and yesterday they said they want me, and will make me a formal offer next week but I got the job

I did something that I would never dream of doing in RSA and quit my job without having received anything in paper from the ANU yet. That much trust :) So I gave notice and will work until 2 April and then leave on my holiday to RSA.

The sweetest part of this experience is the reaction of my colleagues. They are genuinely sorry to see my go and my boss tried really hard in the previous weeks to convince me to stay. It says a lot and my appreciation of this place just increased so much. I was accepted as the outsider, the immigrant, into a circle of amazing professional people who are like family to me. I am really sad to be moving on but at the same time, for the first time since we arrived, I feel like I am starting to rebuild my career in the right direction

the opportunities at the ANU are a lot and I see this as my employer of choice, and if all goes well, I will retire there (finger's crossed anyway).

I am really excited...it feels like 10 mountains have been lifted off my shoulders. I just cannot keep doing this agency recruitment thing, I did 50 hours a week, getting phone calls at all hours of the night (literally 1am from a client or 4am from a casual who claims he is sick). I felt like my job was overpowering my whole life and took away valuable time from my family. With ANU my hours are only 35 per week and hopefully no midnight calls from frantic clients :)

And then of course, my impending holiday to RSA in 3 weeks :) Im scared but excited. I look forward to seeing my friends but not to saying goodbye to family - again. I look forward to some retail therapy at Truworths but I dont want to drive in Pretoria's CBD ever again, but will have to.

Tonight is SkyFire in Canberra...cant believe another year has passed! feels like yesterday when we did all these firework shows in the fall.

anyway..enough rambling for now..I will update on my RSA trip soon :)

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That's fantastic news. Congratulations. Love hearing "dream job" or at least "dream employer" stories. Best of luck with the new role.

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Excellent, well done. Hope everything comes together for you.

Edited by OubaasDik
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