Wannagonow Posted November 28, 2014 Report Share Posted November 28, 2014 I'm new to this, and I don’t just mean the whole emigration thing, but also blogging/writing… sharing ones thoughts and feelings on the internet.I need to rant a little, share my feelings and frustrations, get some advice, so here goes nothing….My OH and I decided quite out of the blue that it would be a great idea to emigrate! When I say out of the blue, I think that really the frustration of living in SA surrounded by the poverty, the injustice, the lawlessness and corruption that we take to be ‘normal’ was always there, simmering, waiting to explode. Every day I find myself staring at the situations unfolding around me, hearing things on the news and I get that hollow feeling of ‘how will this all end up, what am I doing here, how can I let my kids live here?’ Anyway once we had started talking about emigrating it didn't take long for us to decide we want to do this, and quickly. I started researching, found this blog (one of the best resources so far), scoured the Ausie Immi website, started gathering all my docs and even getting past employers references. We talked to my OH parents (we are very close to them, my parents not really, I also work for my father so cant tell him until we are 100% go, might be fired!) and they are really sad but understand, even said they might join us! It was all looking so exciting, we were grinning at each other all the time, knowing what we were doing is right! All this started early November, I can’t believe how time has flown! Well its all come crashing down!A bit of background to set the scene. We have three kids, daughter aged 16, son aged 12 and son aged 2. Great kids, very social, well-loved at school, they would settle in anywhere no problem. Problem is the older two are from my OH previous marriage. A day or two after talking to the OH’s parents we brought the subject up with her ex (our eldest two kids dad) . Well to put it mildly he has flat out refuses to even entertain the idea. He says he will miss them too much. I feel for him, he is a good dad and sees his kids quite regularly (visits/takes them out at least once a week, sleep over at his maybe once a month, all when convenient for him though so it doesn't affect his social life). He also keeps harping on about how beautiful CT is and it’s a great city. What will this mean to them in their future? But he won’t listen, just says no! Keeps saying how would we feel if he took them to live somewhere else. Have tried reasoning, ensuring he will have regular holidays with them, nope he will not even budge. Tied to say we mustn't even bring it up with the kids, probably afraid they will want to go! Well its put the brakes on the whole thing. I believe there is a reason, someone is looking out for us and has plans for us, we must just pray. I don’t know, do we take the legal route (I think this would just be devastating for the kids!)? I don’t want to give up on what we believe is the right thing to do! Maybe we are being selfish? Our primary reason though is to give the kids an opportunity to live, study and work in a society that actually cares about them….. that can’t be selfish can it? Enough of the rant! Good luck to all of you going through this process!Right now, till next time, we’re going to keep the faith, it will all come together when the time is right! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted November 28, 2014 Report Share Posted November 28, 2014 Crumbs, you have to wonder at some parents... but then again, there are a lot of people that still think RSA is wonderful...This is very tongue in the cheek, please do not take offense.... perhaps say to the father, "well we are going, so if you do not want the children to go, then they can come and live with you until they are eighteen, and then choose for themselves...." problem is, it may not frighten him, he may say yes.I know of somebody who actually did that, two weeks later the father signed on the dotted line!I certainly hope for your sake that you can find a way around this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wannagonow Posted December 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 Thanks for the support and encouragement Mara. We've been thinking and praying hard!!!We've come to the realisation that his opinion is the last that matters in this decision. My wife and I take care of and love our three kids, they live with us not him! There isn't anything we don't do for them and that is way way way more than what he does for them. We also realised we have a responsibility to do the right thing here. In five, ten years from now I don't want either of my kids to turn around and ask why we didn't put our foots down and go while we still could!We are going to have a chat with them soon and get their input, they are not little babies any more and should have some say in the matter. Hopefully they are super positive and can tell their dad they want to go.....We'll take it from there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted December 1, 2014 Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 I agree, at ages 16 and 12 they would be smart enough to understand the new life that would await them. Good luck with the conversation... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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