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Parents to be at airport or not?


nicknel

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Hi Guys

We have a 3 year old son, and we initially didn't want our parents to be at the airport because of the teary goodbye's. We dont want to freak out our son espesially because he is so close to his grandma. He sees her everyday.

But they refuse, they really want to be there.

What do we do? What did you do? How was it on your kids?

Any advise would be much appreciated.

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Man. It's really a difficult one.

We didn't have kids when I left SA, so it wasn't as hard, but since we've had kids and my parents get older, every time we see them, the goodbyes just get worse.

My wife and I had a long distance relationship a few years ago (UK/SA) due to visa reasons and we certainly found that the goodbyes were easier without the airport scenario. Or the person dropping the person leaving off at the airport would just drop them at the "express drop off" -

Bags out, grab a trolley, kiss, bye! Far easier than sitting in a depressing airport cafe watching the clock and counting down the minutes.

I think it's often harder for the person staying behind, so I would maybe let your folks have their way. You'll have the security screening and boarding to keep your mind occupied and I don't think your three year old will be that upset as they won't really understand.

Our kids (5 and 3) still don't really understand why we're upset when we leave SA or my parents leave Aus after a holiday. Our 5 year old son cried because he wouldn't see the Koi Fish at the hotel again... :)

Best of luck, I'm probably not helping.

It's not easy!

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Maybe if you have a surprise gift or a fun surprise for your son after you have passed through security, it could help cheer him up and take his mind off of the good byes. By the time you board, he will have calmed down. Or maybe you can arrange for your folks to give him this gift to make the good bye a little less sad. I don't have kids, so I have no idea if any of this will work. Just a thought.

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Man. It's really a difficult one.

We didn't have kids when I left SA, so it wasn't as hard, but since we've had kids and my parents get older, every time we see them, the goodbyes just get worse.

My wife and I had a long distance relationship a few years ago (UK/SA) due to visa reasons and we certainly found that the goodbyes were easier without the airport scenario. Or the person dropping the person leaving off at the airport would just drop them at the "express drop off" -

Bags out, grab a trolley, kiss, bye! Far easier than sitting in a depressing airport cafe watching the clock and counting down the minutes.

I think it's often harder for the person staying behind, so I would maybe let your folks have their way. You'll have the security screening and boarding to keep your mind occupied and I don't think your three year old will be that upset as they won't really understand.

Our kids (5 and 3) still don't really understand why we're upset when we leave SA or my parents leave Aus after a holiday. Our 5 year old son cried because he wouldn't see the Koi Fish at the hotel again... :)

Best of luck, I'm probably not helping.

It's not easy!

"Our 5 year old son cried because he wouldn't see the Koi Fish at the hotel again... :) " LOL, sounds like my daughter. Kids are so sweet.

Its hard, my parents were in tears and depressed about our 10 day trip as it really drove the reality home. I'm dreading the final one way trip, but excited to get going. I agree let you parents have their way, it will help them and you have a huge adventure and busy time ahead. Good luck xxx

Maybe if you have a surprise gift or a fun surprise for your son after you have passed through security, it could help cheer him up and take his mind off of the good byes. By the time you board, he will have calmed down. Or maybe you can arrange for your folks to give him this gift to make the good bye a little less sad. I don't have kids, so I have no idea if any of this will work. Just a thought.

Good idea, promise that the gift can be opened as soon as the plane takes off. Should help a tiny bit with distracting. Our daughter cried all the way from drop off until being seated and the officials all double checked her passport, I think they thought we were abducting her. Once seated she opened her backpack and ouma had a few surprises inside and she calmed down immediately.

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Maybe have a chat with your parents about how to destress everyone on the day. Ask them to help keep it light, its tough on everyone.

Maybe give everyone an alotment of hugs that they can use at the airport, and the person who keeps it together best is rewarded with the last kiss from your son. Have something small in your hand luggage that you can give him as you do your last wave, so that he is immediately occupied by something else. At 3 he will react to what happens around him more so than his own sense of loss.

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There is a very nice viewing deck at OR Thambo. You can find it on level 3 above terminal a international arrivals if my mind serves me correctly. Some lifts there that takes you up to the view deck.

Be a fun place for your son to watch and see the planes etc and better then sitting in Spur for example.

Then when you ready you come down and it is not far to the boarder control section.

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We initially had the same plan and ended up with the same problem of the parents refusing to stay away. It was tough on my 5 year old at the time and as we went through the international departures hall at JIA and her grandparents disappeared out of sight, her facial expression changed and she began to realise the gravity of what we were doing and that it was going to be a while before she saw them again. It absolutely broke my heart to see her like that and even makes me heartsore now when I think about it.

All I can say is in the end it's your choice and you need to do what you think is in the best interests of your child. I would guess that although at 3 years of age it will still be rather upsetting for him (but more for you), let him at least say goodbye to your folks, if he does remember it, he may just be upset with you down the line for not letting him do it. He will more than likely forget about it very quickly once you spring a nice surprise on him as Magenta suggested. Either way it's a tough one and I don't envy any parent in that position.

We were actually just talking about this tonight, it's been almost 18 months now and my daughter is only now starting to finally settle in to her new life and it's been a while since she last had a meltdown and cried about missing the family back in RSA. Kids are extremely resilient and bounce back far more easily from tough situations than we do. Your 3 year old may just surprise you.

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Wow thank you very much. you have all been of much help. It looks like we will take your advise and let them come to the airport. AND we will do the gift thing. That is a good idea. :yourock:

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We decided no family at the airport - leaving was emotionally draining enough. Our boys were 6 and 9 at the time so we didn't want them to witness the tears and sadness - especially after we had so carefully created an exciting and positive picture of us leaving. It would have undone all of that. I'm not sure what it'll be like for your 3 year old.

Thankfully our family saw where we were coming from and respected our wishes. I don't think I could've handled saying good bye to everyone at the airport and kept it together for our boys.

It's a very difficult situation.

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How do those without kids handle the airport thing? Do you let family come to the airport? Or say good bye at home? I am very close to my parents (as I am sure many people on this forum are).....the airport good bye is going to be tough and very teary!

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I think it depends on the individual. My mom and dad will be taking us to the airport. They have backed us from the beginning. My in laws on the other hand are struggling to come to terms with our imminent departure and have told us they do not wish to come to the airport but rather say goodbye at home. No matter what it is going to be hard on us and our 3 children.

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Please, please appreciate the teary airport goodbyes. When we left we had them. When I recently returned to South Africa after 6 years, I was told by family, "Catch the Gautrain, and we will drive past the Sandton station to pick you up". They couldn't even bother driving to the airport to fetch me. and I had the same offer when being dropped off to return to Australia. There is nothing crappier than walking through arrivals and having not a single person there to greet you.

Tears are not a bad thing! They wont pychologically harm your child! In fact, I think the opposite is far worse. At least, thank God that they care enough to want to see you off.

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It was just me heading over and my parents came to the airport. It was so traumatic that we agreed as a family that "airport farewells" are now prohibited, even if just at the end of a holiday. When I go there, I get a lift or a taxi from the house to the airport, same for them when they come here. It's FAR less traumatic to greet at home and you avoid that awful pain of sitting having a 'last meal' together at the Wimpy.

It's been almost 2 years and my heart still aches if I think of that event.

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I agree with Donovan! We banned everyone from the airport. It is far less traumatic. Why go through the upset & drama when you are stressed out of your brains, surrounded by strangers, 14 suitcases, everyone is paying for parking...? Better to have a nice meal together the night before so you can prepare yourselves on the day, to look forward instead of backwards. Just my take.

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I have to agree with Jordy, although it was hard i think we may have felt even more alone in the process. My mum finally went back home (for good) to the UK on the this week and she had to be dropped off at the airport by a friend because the family just wasn't interested in saying good bye. :angry2: Thankfully my niece decided that she was going to go with my mum because "It's so unfair for her to leave without family to say goodbye." Thanks Michelle, it warms my heart to know at least one of you care.

When I spoke to my mum while she was at the airport I could hear the sadness in her voice that none of the rest of the family even made an effort to say their goodbyes even though this may well and truly be the last time they see her. Well on the brighter side of things, we now have an excuse to go on holiday to the UK.

I think deep down even though we don;t want to face the trauma, we still secretly hope that someone will come and say goodbye to us. :cry:

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I would say let them at the airport, for the same reasons Jordy said. We left crying family at JIA, our (then) two kids were 4 and 2. (Number 3 is an Aussie born kid) If I played it again, I would invite more! We have not been back to SA and dont ever plan to return, so for us it was the last time we would ever lay eyes on many family and friends, and man it hits you hard, no matter how big you are.

We are saving up to fly my missus parents over but like my father I know I will not see again in the flesh, and it hurts bad man.

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I'm getting depressed. Not even my turn yet. Good luck to the ones who need to do it soon. This process of leaving is taxing. I'm glad I saw what the carrot was, otherwise I might want to back out. But its worth it. Its just a very high price to pay emotionally.

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I think deep down even though we don;t want to face the trauma, we still secretly hope that someone will come and say goodbye to us. :cry:

Not me. I would have been furious!

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Not me. I would have been furious!

Okay so you're the exception to the rule. I wouldn't come and say goodbye to you anyway. :P

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Okay so you're the exception to the rule. I wouldn't come and say goodbye to you anyway. :P

Lol fair enough Juju :)

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Oh my goodness now I am confused! Hahaha. Luckily have a few weeks to figure it out! Thanks for all your input, I don't know how I would have done all of this with out you.

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Speaking on behalf of all the Grammys and Gramps, please don't stop us from enjoying every last hour, minute or second with the family, especially the little ones!

Saying goodbye is going to be traumatic for everyone, and there will be tears and hugs aplenty. So does it really matter where it takes place? The Mugg & Bean at OT is as good a place as any!

And one can soften the impact on the children by giving them a "very special present", only to be opened once on the plane. Then they will be only too pleased to say goodbye and get on-board!

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Got all teary just reading this post :cry: We're still 4 months away from flight day - better start addressing this now :blush:

Edited by charmz
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I cried in coffee shops, at the school, at friends houses - wherever the goodbyes happened to be. At the final good bye, the tears will flow. You can't stop it, just pack loads of tissues.

We had nobody at the airport and it was a bit unreal.

I agree with majority (hey, hey democracy at work), let them come to the airport and pack little gifts. Perhaps a little gift for the grandparents to provide a bit of lighthearted distraction while you wait?

Good luck.

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Just don't go to the Spur at the airport! Worst Spur in the country and will make your goodbyes worse! :)

One other thing I always find is... If I have something to say to my parents, I try to say it before we get to that goodbye stage, because usually, we can hardly speak when we get to the actual goodbyes.

It's a :censored: thing :(

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