Importance of Building up a social network

[zamunda]

I would like to share a personal experience on the importance of building up a social network. Especially when in a new country.

We moved to Adelaide an year ago. We had absolutely no friends or family in South Australia. It was going to be the two of us and our two doggies in this strange new land.

From the time we started the immigration process we said to our selves that we need to build up a good social support network.

Before moving over (even before our LSD trip), we joined various local groups via the web. Groups that had a common interest. So we joined the local dog club, photography club, etc. During our LSD trip we met with some members from these groups.

Once we arrived permanently in Adelaide, we said to our selves that each week we will try to make one new friend. We did not look for South African friends only. We went out there looking for Friends. We made friends just about where ever we could, even the check out persons at the local shops. Went to the local pub, volunteered to help out with social clubs in our neighbourhood, went to watch the neighbourhood footy team play, introduced ourselves to the neighbours, etc.

Over the short time we have been here, we built up a network of new found friends. Some became very close to us and some not so close. Good friends, never the less. During times of loneliness and home sickness these friends where there to help us through.

The real test came when we were faced with a personal tragedy. A few months back, my dad (who was fit as a fiddle. Walked 5kms every single day, never missed his evening brandy. Never had a health issue other than a flu his entire life) suddenly took ill and was hospitalised. My folks live in Botswana.

On mentioning this to our friends here in Adelaide, the word went around very quickly and the support we got was simply over whelming. Some came by the house to give support, others over the phone and some sent us well wishing cards via post and emails. Best of all, was a friend of a friend got hold of a doctor who offered to give us any advice we needed at no charge. Every hospital report (from Botswana) was emailed to us and we forwarded the same to the doctor. He in turn advised us via emails and telephone. Turned out dad had a very aggressively progressing leukaemia.

Considering dad's age and the rate of progression, there was not much hope. The doctor prepared us for what to expect and everyone else who knew dad's condition became a pillar of support for the two of us. This gave us strength to prepare not only ourselves, but also give strength and support to my mum and brother back in Botswana. Through the local doctor's detailed advice, we knew a lot more about what was happening and what our options were, than the doctors back in Botswana could give us.

Before I could arrange to fly back, dad had passed. It was exactly nine days since he fell ill.

My flight back to Botswana was the most difficult flight I had ever taken in my entire life. Yet the friends we had made in Aus kept up the support. Sadly my wife could not travel back for the funeral yet the support she got during my absence was simply amazing. Some friends offered to have her spend the nights at their place. Some offered to come and stay with her. Others offered constant support via telephone calls and emails. Some dropped off groceries and some ever offered financial support in case we needed it.

I had a 12 hour wait in Perth air port. The number of calls and texts of support was incredible. To quote one text "travel well my friend, your Aussie family is with you all the time". I could not help by cry. utterly sad that my dad was no more, yet glad that we had friends looking out for us. I have this text saved as a memoir.

The point I am trying to make is, migrating is not easy. Even more difficult when in a completely new environment with no prior friendships to reply on for support. But if you make the effort to build up a social network, life can be that much easier. Don't expect people to come over and make friends with you. We have to make the effort.

Edited September 18, 2014 by zamunda

[DXB2OZ]

Zamunda, firstly deeply sorry for your loss, but that you for taking the time to share such an inspiring story.

How do you edit posts? Meant to say "thank you".

[MyTimeNow]

Wow, thank you for sharing your story and experience. I'm so sorry for your loss, and so pleased you have the support you need.

I am leaving for Canberra in November. Yes, it will be me, myself and I, and it's becoming more and more evident that my new life is in my hands... And that I cant allow myself to hibernate... Something divorce has made me prone to do. But I've already started scoping social opportunities, especially churches and scrapbooking communities ?... Both of which transcend any cultural differences!

Thank you again for the very important reminder, and I wish you all the best!

[VanTonderFamily]

Wow.... my heart bleeds for you. I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

My heart is scattered in peaces just thinking about my mom.

I miss her soooooooo much. I wish she could be here so that i can just lie on her lap and tell her i love her - just hold her

I have been on this guilt trip since we left - it feels like i took my child away from my mom and my husbands mom and family.

We made this move for a better future - and we will never go back

But I really get tears in my eyes when I just think about my mom.

It made me realise that we should always make the most of the time we have with everybody

Always say I love you

Because there might not be a tomorrow

[SurferMan]

Hi zamunda,

Please accept my apologies for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.